变化

不知不觉，一眨眼间已过数月，
这里犹如变成了一座死城，
毫无人烟，静幽幽的。
这数月间，发生了许多事；

如往常所有的经历一般，

他们宽阔了我的视野，转换了我的观点，彻底改变了人生重点。

改变的，不只是周遭的环境，而是那一份感想，
那一份心情，那一丝感觉，那一丁点儿的东西。
别的不说，就说说自己的语文程度，

短短几个月，水平就下降了那么多。

几个月来，发生了大大小小很多事；

与往常不一样的，近期生活的点点滴滴似乎不再那么吸引人了，

使我对生活失去了热诚，也让我对某些爱好失去了兴趣。

好久没有动笔写作了，这期间，我似乎忘了自己，

忘了自己曾经是一位小有名气的作家，

望了自己以前喜欢用简单的文字来表达复杂的内心。

我总觉得，这期间，我变了，爱好变了、想法变了、观点变了。

变得，让我对自己失去认识，开始感到迷惑。

变得，我只是我；环境变了，周遭的人也变了。

有的变化显视在外表上，有的变化则在内心发动。

人一变，思想也跟着变；思想一边，看法就变。

接着，为人处事的态度也跟着变，人与人之间的感情，也就变了。

有的变得让我开心，有的变得让我伤心。

变化无常，让我失去了对他人的认识，

自己也不禁怀疑，感情变质了，究竟是因为谁改变了？

可能，大家都改变了，变得让对方不认识彼此。

时间会带来变化，变化则会引来更多的变化。

周围的人、事、物不停地在改变，

似乎令人感觉着时间就没那么一刻为谁而停留。

也许很多时候，唯一不变的则是变化本身。

我变了，你变了，大家都变了。

可惜的是，他人变得更美好，我却在每一次变化中失去某些东西。

所以，我是个守旧的人；我讨厌变化，我抗拒变化。

数月已过，犹如昨日还在庆祝新年；

时间过得太快，时我赶不上周围一切的变化。

我独自一人站在时光隧道的旧路上，守着昨日的回忆；

但愿在这寂寞的日子中，我能够遇到一位，甚至一群，与我相同的人。

过去的日子有何变化，我记不起，也谈不上；

回首一看，风景依旧，似乎时间就为我停留在那一刻，

但转身往前看，才发现所有的东西都变得如此陌生。

这数月间，我遇到不少的人，经历了不少的事，

见证，也经历了不少改变。

看着周围的变化是一件值得庆幸却又伤心的事，

所以，我自己选择尽量不要改变，保持原有的自己。

就让我照着过去的经历，再次征服一切的变化。

就让这一切，从这篇文章开始。

大佬二

相信任何生长在一个正常的华族家庭的孩子，
儿时一定在过年过节时接触过扑克牌。
任何接触过扑克牌的孩子，或是成人，

一定对此游戏非常熟悉，有的可自称高手；

大佬二，你不可能没有玩过。

赌钱也好，娱乐也吧；
大佬二可说是本地华族家庭的一种文化特色，

这扑克游戏不仅是佳节时期的消遣，

更是将老、中、少三代联系起来的一栋桥梁。

而今日要谈的，不仅是玩牌的技巧，

相对之下更为重要的是玩牌前后的心得，

河湾派过程中的有所领悟。

大佬二的规矩，相信众人皆知；

玩法，则是所有赌徒们的本能吧。
众多扑克游戏中，最让我大感兴趣的唯有大佬二；

一场牌局中综合了运气、技巧、沟通等能力，

要在一场牌局中胜出，除了一个人的牌面和运气以外，

更有许多其它的因素决定一场牌局的胜负。

所有赌局最基本需要的是运气；

一个人的运气好，手上的牌面佳，

就等于已经赢了一半的牌局。

牌局一开场，手上那一对双K、同花顺、黑桃2,

让人有感似乎已经胜利在握，整场牌局就等着赢钱罢了。
有的时候，开牌迎来一大堆数字，不仅让人觉得整场牌局就是一场笑话。

运气好，手握好牌，赌徒必定清高自傲，

一场牌局胜利的几率比对手高出几十倍，

大胜一场也是预料中之事。
然而，一场牌局的基础不仅在于运气；

再好的排如果遇到庸俗的技巧都无法使出自己的潜能。

相反的，再烂的牌，若落入一位高手手中，

也许，再小的点数也是胜利的关键。

说到技巧，用牌似乎于用人；

不仅要在适当的时候使出适当的牌，

更要将适当的牌结成一组适当的组合，

以便在关键时期为自己谋得最佳机会。
两张3或许没有任何取胜的价值，

不过将它们与三张4结合在一起，

便是一副价值称高的full house组合；
三张J或许有自己一定的价值，

但是若手中没有其他相应的牌面，

将这三张强排拆开来玩，则让他们失去原有的价值。

运气、技巧下来，另外一个取胜的因素莫过于时机。
一场牌局时间的长短不一定；
牌局结束得早，或许手中仍有许多好牌未能使用；

牌局的时限给拉长了，也不会见得手中的牌会有使用的机会。
玩牌，多时都会处于被动的状态，

对手下了一对5，你不能硬要使用手上那一对3；

就算你的full house有三张A，仍旧无法斗过那同花顺；

对手一下菱角3，手上有再好的组合也只能放一张牌。

而在对的时机下对的牌，不仅是取胜的关键，

更能让自己从被动转为主动，控制整场牌局；

烂牌遇上好时机，会有不凡的作为；

在不适当的使用那黑桃2，可能会断送自己取胜的机会。

我想，其实人生，也何尝不是一场牌局？

人世间中的芸芸众生，何尝不是牌局中的玩家，等待着取胜的一刻？

人生也不就是一场牌局，一切的开端以运气为基础；

有的人一出生就家财万贯，有的则一贫如洗；

不同的开端给众人在取胜的路上赋予了不同的起点；

相同的人，有的路程短暂，一走即到；

有的路途遥远，走了大半辈子，似乎仍然看不到终点。

牌的大小，就如人的能力；

牌面大，使用的方式也多，取胜的几率更高；

能力好，本领强，已经胜人一筹，日后在生活要出人头地也比他人来得容易。

牌面小，不知道如何使用，成为胜利的绊脚石；

缺乏本领、能力低，也许就无法如此容易取得成功。

再好的牌也要有相对的时机去使用；

而一个人本领再高，家境再好，

若遇不上对的机遇和时机，一身好本领也无用武之地。

而在庸俗的技能，若能在适当的时候做出贡献，

一个人仍能看见自己的用处和价值。

打牌不仅看运气，更要靠技巧；

做人不仅靠天命，更要东和如何去利用自己的环境。

如玩牌一样，一手再烂的牌也有胜利的机会，

一个人处于再差的环境，本领在如何庸俗，

仍有自己成功的机会。

打牌要有牌品，做人则要有人品；

一个有品德的人，在现实生活中无论如何地失败，

仍然得以看得宽阔，处之泰然。

一个玩家若缺乏牌品，小赢也好，大胜也罢，

仍然会表现高傲，自认不可一世。

人生，就是一场牌局；

无论手上的牌面如何，

大家都有取胜的机会。

然而无论牌的大小，

如何取胜，仍看你如何使用你手上的牌。

过山车

“人生本是一趟过山车之旅，有起有落。”
光阴似箭，没一转眼的功夫，时光机又不知不觉地加速，把我送到了六月。
好久没有在如此孤独的夜晚与键盘相伴，写出一篇篇富有诗意的文章；
短暂的离别，却见证了无数的变化。 别的不说，就说最显眼的，连微薄的layout也改变了，真叫人不习惯。
说到习惯二字，生活中许许多多的习惯在新的环境潜移默化下而改变；
平日早晨再也不会往西南向实龙岗行驶，而是直抵东海岸；
早晨少了那份庄严而略带本能的升旗礼，在也没有四十分钟的休息制度；
班上热情四射的笑匠，让冷面的书生给取代了；
就连白色纯洁的华校校服，也得让位给那米色的制服。

改变的不只是生活的习惯，就连生活中的本能也渐渐退化。
上了初院再也不修读华文，自身的中文水平下降到小三程度；
上了初院没有多余的时间舞文弄墨，从前才华横溢的书生恐怕落级了；
上了初院没有平时可以依赖的挚友，生活顿时成了灰色空间；
上了初院，才真真正正了解到人外有人，天外有天，
功课忽然一落千丈，课业的压力让人喘不过气，人生又一次失去了方向。
而周遭的芸芸众生，不，应该说是一副副虚伪的面具，
让我又一次产生了逃避、退缩、放弃的念头。

“人生好比过山车，上了山坡就一定会跌回谷底。”

高处不胜寒，人处山峰而魂游谷底，
原本以为当年拼死拼活换来的机会是一个美好生活的开端，
谁知得来的却是前所未有的噩梦，让人无非感到无比泄气。
眼前的困境，又是另一次的挑战、考验，另一次证明自己的机会。
逆境出英雄谁不知，而对于再一次的困苦和辛酸，
在坚强的战士也会有累的一刻，也萌起了停下脚步的念头。
突然之间问自己，如此匆忙、烦躁、辛苦，究竟为何？

三年前我为证明自己而战，一年前我为改变命运而战；
此时此刻，我究竟为何而战？
战胜一关，又是一关；
砍杀一将，又迎一将。
接踵而来的困境和挑战，似乎没完没了， 想必，这就是人生的定义吧。

“一波未平，一波又起；刚从谷底上山坡，又从山坡下谷底，只让人眼花缭乱。”

人生也许就是如此吧，让人无法捉摸的同时，却让人能完全揣测。
目前经历过于在经历的一切，他们就是人生的定律，
犹如损坏的卡带一样，不停地重复，重复那千篇一律的东西。
我想，人生之所以会重复，是因为冥冥之中某人想要告诉我们某些东西；
而他想要告诉我的，也许就是一个简单的道理吧：
贫穷说话牙无力，富贵骄人鼻有声；
有钱需记无钱日，得意莫忘失意时；
有酒有肉朋友多，落难何曾见几人?
人来求我三春雨，我求别人六月霜！
人生某些小道理如此简单，自己却似乎永远无法领悟，真是自嘲惭愧。

尽管如此，我又能奈何呢？
还不是那同样一副做法，在胸上刻个“勇”字， 鼓起勇气，坚强面对。
无论多少的磨难和困境，过去的经历也使我了解一个道理：
天有不测风云，人有旦夕祸福；
塞翁失马，焉知祸福，
枕上一晚宰相命，隔日醒来黄粱梦；
所有的光辉，都是短暂的，而一切的困苦，也非永恒。
阳光总在风雨后，晴天也会聚乌云；
人生无常，人则要随波逐流。

“在一切的起落后，当你已经头昏脑胀，正要失去自己时，才发现过山车已使回原地。”
也许，在一切的风风雨雨后，落叶会归根，
而人，最终会回到最初的原点。

曲终人散，戏子仍在

秒针已过十二，时间的流失把我带到了四月一日愚人节。
可惜今年的愚人节逢遭周末，无论在精彩的把戏都使不上来。
三月三十一日，成日都不知自己做了何事，有何成就；
四月一日，清醒地告诉自己，不能在愚己、愚人。

午夜时分人未眠，唯有美酒伴孤影。
今日我活在遗憾与内疚的交界处之间；
遗憾自己无法珍惜往日的情谊与旧事，内疚本身无法适应新的环境，学会欣赏、认同。
把半天的时间花在面薄上，想要知道往日的旧友近况如何；
此时才发现自己，一直都徘徊在过去的旧事中，迟迟无法苏醒。

一直在摸索自己为何会如此担忧、紧张新生活的一切，
一直在寻找自己为何会感到孤独、落后他人的理由。
午夜的我仍清醒，同时却又是如此的迷惑；
对于目前的烦恼，我没有相应的对策，
对于目前的困难，我不知脱身的方法。
成日漫无目标的我，一时之间大感迷茫，不知所措。

重重的问题接踵而来，让人只感应接不暇；
究竟事实就是如此惑人，还是自己在杞人忧天？
为何会对身边的一切如次在乎；
所有的压力是实境产生的，还是自己增添的？

也许，现在所经历的一切，也未必是件坏事；
毕竟，这是人生另一开端必须经历的。
那担忧，是必须还是无畏，仍由不得我来推断；
因为，我对现况还是不大了解。

当人生步入另一阶段时，才了解到自己必须随波逐流；
环境的改变，人的变化，告诉自己，仍无法以他日的尺寸来衡量人了。
周遭的一切变了，自己为了适应也应该变了；
无法再用当日的成绩、昔时的经历来定义自己。
此时此刻生活就如做过山车般，从一高峰，跌入另一低谷；
也许这就是生活，在一切完美的尾端，是另一困苦的开始。

很难受，但这就是事实，世间变了，我也得变。

常常活在回忆中的我，时时刻刻惦记昔日的光辉岁月；
旧时的部下、他年的副官、从前的同窗。。。
可惜，如今他们已在人生旅途中步入了另一篇章，
唯有自己仍困在回忆中，迟迟不肯离开。。。

当一切都进行了，只感所有的一切都淡化了。
旧友走上新的岔路，志虽同，却道不合；
随着自己从前的角色的流逝，昔时的弟子也掩埋了从前的美好时光，把回忆打入冷宫；
风景依旧，人事已非，唯剩铉月伴孤泪。
众人并非忘了我，而是是。。。我从现实变成了过去，
从配角变成了死角，随着一篇章得过去，我也成了回忆。

此时才了解，珍惜当下才是最可贵的；
今日的言行举止，是往后的谈笑风生；
现在的美好时光，是未来值得回顾的美好记忆。
大道理大家都说的出口，实践却是另一回事；
如何才能让我学会去珍惜此时徘徊周边的人，
如何才能叫人学会欣赏我、了解我、明白我？

很多时候，就是因为我们常常误了当下，
不想学会去了解他人，不尝试去站在他人角度看事情，
才会造成很多误会，产生许多误解；
而再往后的某一日突然了解实情的来龙去脉时，
才发现人事已非、所有的一切已曲终人散。。。

那时，我们惟有从回忆中，学会从新去了解当年我们误解的人。

为何所有的事都要等到结束时，才学会去欣赏？

可能这就是人的本性吧；
我是如此，旧友是如此，新同学也是如此。
发生时，我们无法学会包容；
发生后，才懊悔当时无动于衷。

也许有的人会惋惜，有的则以辈子都无法了解。
我也随之，成为他们回忆中的经典与污点。

也许我需要时间去适应环境；
可能环境也需要时间去适应我；
或者，这一切都是一个让人学习、包容、了解的机会。

愚人节的气氛显得有点严肃；
省活在严肃的关头是常常愚弄我们，
而我们也在愚人之时，无法放下严肃的身躯。
人生如戏，戏如人生；
人生的喜剧都是由悲剧而产生的，
也许，在生活中的悲剧中，角色的演技，才能把它转变成一部喜剧。

曲终人散，观众已经散场；
唯剩我独自一人站在舞台上；

戏照演，曲照唱。

First Quarter

How time flies; in a blinking of an eye we've come to the end of March,
having gone through the first quarter of the year.
In the past 3 months drastic changes took place in my life,
accompanied with a blend of emotions and a change of mindset.
Some of the most important choices of my life were made in the past three months;
right now, I am living on the consequences of some of these decisions that were proven to be too idealistic at times.

In just three months I experience a change in my lifestyle and environment;
formerly a normal salaried worker at a cozy little supermarket,
I soon find myself in one of the nation's top institution,
and I have to admit that till now I'm still having problems trying to adapt to such changes.
There's also a drastic change in the type of people I work with and come across;
formerly only ordinary people from the neighbourhood whom most are easy to understand,
now I'm face off with some of the country's elite whose thoughts are actions are unpredictable.
The sudden change in environment stripped me of the usual optimism and happy-go-lucky attitude,
leaving me to find my way out alone in this unfamiliar environment.

In everything we do, I believe that the first step is always the hardest;
right now, I'm facing with the usual struggle that one would face when there's a shift in the equilibrium of life,
but this time round everything seems so much tougher, so much unpredictable,
and every wrong step come at a larger consequence.
No longer is this the usual protective environment that I'm used to for 4 years of secondary education;
the people here are never genuinely to help,
nor do the people here forgive and forget easily,
and neither do the people put others before themselves in all situation.

While I recall of the days whereby I undergone some of the toughest days of my life,
I realized that those days were nothing, really nothing,
compared to the situation of the current reality.
At the very least, primary school was all a breeze;
in secondary school you had all those kind souls who are willing to lend a helping hand whenever a stranger needs one,
and a second chance is always given whenever you've done something presumably wrong.
These days, people do not give a thought about others, and the stereotype they give are there forever.

I wonder if all the kind souls are just yet to be identified,
or are all of them gone for good.

Grumbling and nagging are inevitable at the start of everything;
isn't that what we do all the time when there's a change being made?
But well, facing off with another tidal wave of life, this time of a larger magnitude,
one can't help but feel insecure and worried and afraid.
Having gone through phases of life that confuses one at the start and led one to emerge victorious at every end,
how I wish this would be the case for whatever that I'm undergoing now.

Lagging behind in academics, not having a healthy social life;
sometimes I just wish that all these are just another test of my endurance,
and I will survive and emerge champion by the end of everything.
Sometimes I don't know how am I going to deal with all the current problems;
yet when I come to recall about it, often I'm left without clear directions how to deal with problems in my life.
All the time, solutions just come to me naturally,
bringing me to where I am supposed to be.
I guess, and I hope, this time I'm at the correct location.

Now I am at the very last lap of everything;
I just hope that all's well ends well,
everything could just end with one beautiful happy ending at the last chapter.
After all, things have been like a storybook-
every saga you come across a new adventure, meet new people,
undergo new challenges, fight new enemies, learn new things...

And then you move on.

And how I hope things were just as simple as how a storybook would be.

And how I hope those people were just as simple to predict as those I've came across.

And how I hope every problem would end off with large benefits like before.

Who knows what is in the front of the path everytime?
It is only till when we walk up to it and see it for ourselves.
It might be a treasure chest; it might be a trap.
It might be everything.
There may be ambush on the sides of this path; there may be a junction ahead.
There may be anything you've never expect of.

But all I knew is, for good or bad, since this is the path I choose to take,
then, I got to accept everything that comes my way, no matter good or bad.

And I believe, there is always an alternative way out of all troubles.

And from there, life goes on.

addressing to sb63

Dedicated to read sb63;

Dear reader,

Having seen your concerns and worries that you reflect to me upon my chatbox,
I guess it is more appropriate for me to approach you on a wider platform;
hence, I am dedicating this post to you,
to give you my definition of life, some of my past experiences, and words of advice.
I believe that you're somehow related to me one way or another,
and certainly you may have the perception that I'm a person of weak will,
or even one without courage to face the adversities of life.
Despite the perceptions that you might hold,
here in this post I just hope to counsel you upon your problem,
and perhaps, guide you to see the root of your problem and leads you towards your solution.

Understanding that your reason for 'giving up on life' is the lack of understanding the purpose of living,
as well as the 'soul-less' feeling that you felt inside you,
I hope that before you make a judgment on whether if your life worthwhile or not,
you should have asked yourself a few questions:
Why does the things occurring in your life makes you feel demotivated?
Why you feel that you might not have the ability to answer to your problems?
Have you ever gave a thought on what will happen to these problems when you choose the easy way out?

To begin with, I must get you to agree with me that life is never a bed of roses;
never were the things occurring upon us good incidents everytime,
and neither do ominous events strikes us at every opportunity.
You must understand that life have its ups and downs;
there are sun-shines and rainy days, and this is a fact that we got to live with.
Indeed now you might not have the ability to cope with the incidents happening upon you,
but I just want you to understand that life have its good and bad-
it is natural for you to go through tough times,
as everyone does.

As you mention of the lack of reason to live on,
I would like you to consider your statement once again:
is it a lack of reason to continue living,
or are your reasons not clearly defined enough and not strong enough?

I believe that all of us are born with a purpose in our life,
and things somehow, at a certain probability, occurs to us,
so that we will, through these channels for self-discovery,
better understand ourselves and our ability,
as well as having a clearer definition of our own life.
Therefore, I believe that whatever that is happening to you are not events that claim your reasons to live on;
they are, instead, challenges and test for you to define your limits,
to discover yourself, to understand yourself, and to have a clearer picture of things around you.
Such bad events do happen for a reason:
they are not there to put us off,
instead they are there to see if we are living with complacency or with gratitude.

I wouldn't say that life requires reason as fuel for its continuation;
what life requires to carry on is instead passion.
A person might have no reasons to live for the next day every night he sleeps,
but a passionate person will cherish his life,
for that he fully understand that each brand new day have something that he have yet to see and experience.
Certainly you are going through the toughest period of your life now;
but if you choose to give up at this moment and end everything once and for all,
then where do you find the path that leads you towards the beauty of life?

There are much to be cherish in life, and there are much to be celebrate of in life;
clearly, we live each day as it is and try to overcome all the obstacles in life,
is because that we firmly believe that there is beauty behind every drip of sweat and blood in life;
we go through challenges in life to prove our worth if we deserve the nice part of our life.
Whatever that you are going through now, I would say, are not events that cease your desire and reason for living;
they are testing indications to see if you deserve the good in your life.
Only when you manage to fix these challenges, then you'll prove that you deserve what that you've desire.
As what everyone says, No Pain, No Gain, isn't it?

I must also state importance and preciousness of our life;
sometimes we tend to find life being too worthless or bland,
is largely due to the fact that we take many things for granted and tend to to neglect their existence.
Hence, I would like you to spend some time thinking about this:
Are there any areas in life that you think you should be grateful of?
There are many people struggling against sickness and death daily to gain another additional day to see the sun rise and set...
So, is it a lack of reasons, or the negligence of long existing reasons that leads you to forget the good and fulfilling part of life?

Do remember that life is also a process of learning.
Things happen, so that we incur lessons from them,
and through these lessons, make ourselves stronger individuals, and learn to better cope with the challenges of life,
so that we may find our life to be more smooth sailing and fruitful.
Certainly such events may take away your will to carry on struggling in life,
but however viewing things from a different perspective,
you might find that all these challenges are trying to teach you something-
to be strong, to be determined, to be tolerant, to be magnanimous.

Never give up on life;
already life is short to begin with, why shorten it just because certain things happen,
and then makes you forget the good part of life, and neglect the bright side of things?
It might take will and courage to carry on struggling with your problems,
but do be reminded that it is all the struggling that refine you into a stronger person.
Everything does happen for a certain reason;
such things might be happening as a signal for you to understand yourself better,
and to find the true purpose in your life and see your hidden potentials.

Don't commit to silly acts, for such problems ain't worth the huge cost incurred;
I hope that my words have somehow helped you,
and do remember, no matter whatever problems that might occur to you,
I'm willing to lend a helping hand and a listening ear.
You may contact me at yi_tian_thung@hotmail.com, if you feel comfortable explaining your problems to me such that I can help you with a deeper analysis.

Remember, never give up, for that you never know what good things might be waiting for you in the road ahead.

In three words I can sum up about everything that I've learned about life. It goes on. - Robert Frost

Thursday

In just a blinking of an eye we've come to the end of the 3rd week in school,
which somehow signify the completion of some form of achievement at this point of life.
To me it does not only meant that the JC curriculum officially kicked in,
but also a sign that I've manage to survive the preliminary stress,
and transit into the next phrase of life successfully.

In one way or another I tend to find myself happier these days;
happy as in the form that I tend to view things less seriously.
Maybe I've become more nonchalant and callous,
or maybe that I learn to take things easier as I've grown in life.
I would say that I tend not to view work so seriously anymore;
as in a sense that I do not get myself occupied with work all day long,
but however I do see the meaning in every piece of work that is given to me.

Happier, maybe because time passes so fast that I only remember the funny moments.
Or maybe it's because that things are much light-heart around me nowadays.
Or is it because no one tends to show their serious and rigourous side in front of me?
There's so much yet to know, and so much that I want to know-
so much that I'm curious about this new phrase of life,
not just only the academic portion, but of people around me,
how they think, how they perceive, how they feel, everything.
Maybe it's just natural instincts that is working on me;
the desire of human to know more about something that they have little knowledge about.

But somehow I manage to come home with a smile everyday;
certainly not because of whatever that is happening around me,
but due to the fact that I choose to perceive things in a certain manner.

I wonder does the current situation explains all for life in tertiary education,
or there are more to come in the later phrases of this life?
Somehow I wish that things would remain status quo,
everything just seems to be rosy and cheerful as they are-
the class's okay, work is still yet manageable, no friendship problems,
no communication breakdowns, no screw-ups, nothing negative.
Is life really that simple, or am I the one that's simple after all?
Maybe there are disagreements that I've yet to know.
Maybe there are dissatisfaction that I've yet to feel.
Maybe there are discouragement that had yet to come.
Maybe, there are so many things still hidden from me.

Well, things might take a turn for no reason in the next second.
But I guessed I'm already trained for counter-measures.

It just all seems to simple, simple to the point that I can't believe.
Maybe it's because that it's only the beginning;
what that I've observed is just the tip of the iceberg.
Maybe there's more, who knows.
Maybe there's going to be a revelation of things we never know.
But all I know is, we got to be ready.

"That's like managing to swim across the English channel, and then trying again in full combat gear." - a friend's comment on O level graduates taking the A levels

Leadership?

I would like to ask everyone reading this a question:
What is a leader?
Or maybe if you would like to to rephrase that,
what is leadership all about?
Maybe to elaborate even further,
How do one define a leader?
What does a leader do?
What are the key principles of leadership?
How is leadership presence in life?
How does one consider oneself a leader?

Leadership, what exactly is it all about?

For the past 5 years I've been trying to find an answer to this question,
and to find the answer to this extremely generalized question,
I sought opportunities to develop myself as a leader,
and to also have a try at taking up leadership roles,
doing things that 'a leader should be doing',
and try to 'act like a leader'.

I gave myself a go at various leadership roles,
voluntary, appointed, elected and nominated ones;
doing things what a class monitor, subject representative, level coordinator have to do.
Back then I used to have the immature mindset of that 'a leader is equivalent to the top gun who takes control of the situation';
leadership to a 13 year-old me was then more like an asset instead of a responsibilities,
lest talking about it as a role of servitude and dedication.

My misconceptions of leadership then resulted in disastrous consequence;
people coined me with the term 'boastful', 'childish' and 'authoritative'.
The process of working together with people taught me that leadership was more than dictating the process and outcome of a particular situation;
somehow a leadership requires one to have the ability to listen most of the time,
rather than talking at one's own free will.
For that, I found out that leadership is an idea of taking responsibilities-
the higher your position, the larger your responsibilities, the bigger the range of activities you got to account for.

Common sense, but it really took me some time to understand that.

Stepping down from my positions after Secondary One,
I gave myself a one year hiatus from any leadership roles,
thinking that the absence for the need to account for people would then protect me from the 'claws of leadership'.
I assumed that the lack of any leadership positions that you hold responsibilities would actually make life better;
now onward, I'm only required to account to myself for my own doings,
instead of having other pinpointing you for your actions when you're a leader.

But all that effort to put myself away from any leadership roles did not deprive me of chances to develop leadership in myself,
or to 'understand the needs and negative consequences of leadership;
it was then the academic valor of the school that obliged everyone to develop a form of leadership among themselves.
We call this process self-leadership;
doing what a leader should be doing, but in this scenario you're your own leader.
You work independently, set aims and targets for yourself,
learn to account for your own doings, and learn to be responsible for your properties.

It was the process of self-leadership in the academic arena that gave me a better idea of what exactly leadership is about;
a leader does not only accounts for his doings towards his followers,
and besides being responsible for his followers and himself,
a leader must have a realistic aim and outlook of the path that he is taking;
a leader must know how to be dependent on his own thinking and turn his thinking into reality.

As I reach the third year of my secondary school curriculum,
I was again given a chance to have a go at being a leader.
Appointed as a Platoon Commander and nominated the monitor of my new class,
I was put in front of a leadership journey that requires me to understand everyone that is following my advice or orders.
It took me effort to understand my new classmates and new subordinates,
and even more to get them to listen to me and follow my directions.
Here I learn that leadership was also about earning trust and faith,
and the development of mutual understanding between a leader and his followers.

While I am once again put on task to the responsibilities as a class monitor,
my appointment as a Platoon Commander led me into a new area of leadership.
Leadership in uniformed groups or the military was not only about subordination, obedience and attentiveness;
it was a whole chain of obligations ranging from communication to brotherhood.
Leadership was here, not just a matter of pulling rank and subjugating others;
it was about developing belief, respect and understanding among everyone,
from a leader to his smallest follower.
The prospects of my appointment include teaching and developing skills in my followers;
it was here that I learn a leader is also one that imparts knowledge and corrects the mistakes of others.

Coming to the final year of service both as a class monitor and Platoon Commander,
I was obliged to lead my juniors to success the appointments that we have left them.
It was all a process of monitoring, guidance and development;
leadership is now not just only a matter of self-development and self-improvement,
but also an idea of sparking inspirations and motivations among others to be like us.
Here, I took effort to impart my skills and experiences to my successors,
guiding them, correcting them, and at the same time,
challenging them, to overcome their obstacles and outshine their predecessors;
inspiring them, to be like us, lighting a flame of passion among the hearts that have yet to come.

As I happily end the four blissful years in Secondary School,
I went on to tertiary education in one of those Junior Colleges in the East.
Here, I once again observe the development of people in the field of leadership;
the requirement of everyone to lead oneself,
the passion of many to become servant leaders to repay the community,
the immaturity of some that are stubborn of leadership being an asset,
the process of leaders guiding leaders-to-be,
and the inspiration and motivation leaders have sparked in the hearts of their followers.

Listening to the campaigning speeches of nominees of the Student Council,
I asked myself a question that I've asked five years ago:
What is a leader?
Or to be more specific,
What exactly is leadership about?

After experimenting with different forms of leadership in the past five years,
having lessons learnt and achievements made,
frankly speaking, I still don't really have a direct answer to that.
For this, you might be thinking that the four years of leadership in my life is then wasted,
or thinking that I've not learn anything after the sagas of leadership in my life...
But well, I guess right now if I were to ask you WHAT is LEADERSHIP all about,
you too, are unable to give me a direct answer to that...

But all in all I am glad to say that even if I couldn't define leadership,
I know how it feels like, in the perspective of a leader and a follower.
I leave it to every individual to define leadership for themselves;
we all have different ideas and beliefs in the same concept after all.
I leave it to others to define my competency as a leader-
those that have worked with me before,
those who have lead me in one way or another,
those who I've lead in a way or two.
But I don't really think that I've made a good leader myself;
there's more that can be done about it.

In conclusion, despite saying so much,
I just want everyone to understand that the concept of leadership is very simple.
While leadership training, concepts and discussion sprung up all over the society,
I would like everyone to consider leadership in this perspective:

When a soldier participates in a battle,
he will always follow his sergeant and never lose sight of him;
because he know that this is the person that he can entrust his survival upon,
and he know that in one way or another,
this person will be the one that guides him from the start to the end,
without abandoning him in the process.

Leadership, after all, it just a simple belief, that's all.

embracing life

I've decide to divert myself away from all that stress I'm going through now,
and just spend some quality time with my PC,
all that social networking sites, blogs and games.
Looking through the archives, it seems like some time ever since I've last blogged,
and I think that perhaps maybe I should give this site some update once in a while.

Finally JC life kick-start into the proper curriculum,
and for the past two weeks I've been having a go at JC lifestyle,
and all the little experiences and sensations that come along with it;
these include changes made to my daily routine, habits and practices.
Things are not as simple as taking the East-West Line everyday,
or wearing a cream-coloured uniform with red belt-
drastic changes have somehow or rather took place,
yet it seems like for this particular round,
I'm able to comfortably assimilate into the new environment.

Are things supposed to be just as simple as such,
or there's more than it meets the eye?

Here goes the old phrase that's been used countless times;
new chapter, new life, new environment, new people, new experiences.
So far things are still manageable, I've not yet flunked any of my test or assignments;
but somehow or rather I feel that the stress adds up as each day passed by.
You don't have the liberty of spending time with your PC daily anymore,
and neither do you have the freedom to do recreational activities during weekends.
Tough, that's all I can say, in the time to come;
but I wonder, since so many students came and went before me smoothly,
perhaps I can also do the same.

Not much of any inter-personal problems this time round;
amazingly you get an average class, with good teachers and lessons doesn't seem too boring like before.
One big difference here is that everywhere you go, you see people mugging-
unlike in my former school, time is always devoted to recreational purposes.
certainly this add on to the stress level,
but then, there's nothing I can do about this but to follow the flow.

Somehow or rather I've not come to the point to accept the fact that everything's been started for some time;
not even the fact that I'm currently a JC student preparing to take the 'A's next year.
Perhaps I'm still in my own world, somehow,
but the pace of the activities around me subconsciously guide me to follow the fast pace of my current routine.
Perhaps everything's going too fast, or maybe I'm still stuck in my old assumption of my environment, I guessed.

While academic stress does not trouble me currently,
somehow I see the need for academic rigor in the environment that I am in now.
As the old saying goes, "When in Rome, do what as the Romans did",
I guess the best way for me to really follow the pace of life is to do whatever everyone else is doing.
But it seems like everyone around me are either smart or muggers...
Times are bad, that's all I can comment.

While it still seems that it's still too soon to bade adieu to my old life,
my new life somehow just comes in and take position all over me.
Maybe, things are getting quick and hasty, and I got to adjust myself to the new environment as quickly as possible.

So far, still good.
Maybe there's still more to come, but well,
isn't life a process of dealing with things that comes your way?
Who knows what have in place for us in the near future...
All I know is, this current path is one that I've handpicked myself,
then I am obliged to give my very best and walk till the end,
no matter of the outcome and consequence.

Adapt and Survive; as my former Co-Form Teacher Mrs Koh said during the first day of Secondary 4,
one have to adjust to the circumstances of the surroundings in order to know what is happening and keep oneself in the game.
I guess no matter where we head towards in life,
everything voice down to the need for adaptation and adjustment.
Only by doing so, then we can maximize our opportunities and chances,
and make full use of all resources around us.

Should the road gets steeper and the weather gets rainy,
I guess all these doesn't matter.
Maybe the old principle still applies;
just do whatever you can in the best of your abilities and the outcome will be more than just satisfaction.
It's the process that matters, not the results.
Maybe it seems that I'm too idealistic to make such comments as a tertiary student,
but well, I can't deny the fact that the big picture of life is to learn and grow.

What that confuse and fear many is the unknown;
the unknown of the future, the unknown of whatever that is going to take place.
Maybe, this might be a wrong choice for me.
Maybe, my first self-decision is going to lead me nowhere.
Maybe, things might not be so simple as it seems.
Maybe, I might not survive even if I adapt.
Maybe, I should be taking Chinese Studies in NP.

Forget about all the pessimistic assumptions,
and it is still too early for any optimistic outlook.
Life is never a bed of roses;
never in life we can have an all-win situation.
But no matter what, it seems important that I finish the game;
maybe it is the process that makes me level up, not the outcome.
If this is going to be a struggle, then I shall struggle well;
no matter what, we all got to put in our best and never quit.

It's been 4 years of hardship, now it's time for something harder;
it's an honourable ending for that 4 years,
why not keep the record and give everyone an excellent finale with success and glory at the very end.

"Life is full of challenges. Embrace them." - Mr Tham Otto, former Mathematics Teacher of ZHSS (2008-2011)

新的开始

某一个情节的结束，代表着另一个情节的开始。

光阴似箭，一转眼就来到了二月；
开学了，是时候穿上校服上学去。
我如愿以偿地进入心目中的理想学院，
带着那份好奇、探索的心情，
我翻开了人生的另一部情节，进入了人生的另一境界。

当初我还在中学念书、在超市打工；
难以相信我现年已有十七岁，已经是个初院生了。
时间走得太快，让我难以跟上它的步伐，
也没有给我太多的时间，让我跟过去的一切道别。
就在那匆忙、感叹的情怀下，我开始了人生的另一篇章。

我是一个念旧的人；唯有在离开了中学后，
才发现我是如此的想念那个地方；
那个令我成长、让我领悟、使我成熟、富有人情味的地方。
然而，天下无不散之筵席，所有美好的东西，毕竟有曲终人散的那一刻。
但是，往往在一切结束时，我们开看见所有的美好，
所有的人情世故，在结束时才学会去珍惜。。。

此时让我做出了一个决定；
我不想再像往常一样，因为失去或结束的东西，
而错过了现有的美好。
如果一切的人、事、物都要我学着去珍惜，
那么我应该在他们还在身边时，而学着去感恩。

也许是往常的那份执著，使我无法接受所有的一切；
可能是从前的那份念旧，使我无法珍惜眼前的美好。
但是，这一次我要学会去珍惜，而不是等到失去时，才来后悔。

眼前的路是一片迷茫，是直是弯我也无法任别；
但是这一次我心里有数，此路是一生中唯一一条自己选择走的路，
无论如何一定要走完它，一定要走下去；
自记的决定是没有回头路的，所以一定要坚持到底。

现在，我竟入了人生的新一篇章，希望在开始这段旅程前，
能够克服所有的恐惧，让我一口气走到终点。。。

卖柑橘记

龙年即将到来，老板把我部署在分行外卖柑。

我敢说这应该是一项万人都不求之的工作；
除了日晒雨淋之外，还要面对顾客的种种刁蛮，
有时还得背黑锅，受气，等等的委屈。
然而，打工的也是纳这种东西没辙。。。
因为我们是为人打工的。

刺激到我的灵感的非顾客，而是一粒粒的柑橘。
柑橘可能在众人的眼中毫无差别，其实背后也有一门学问；
广东的咏春芦柑甘香清甜，不过不易耐放，容易腐烂；
汕头的蕉柑味道涩涩的，不过难堪却扎实的外皮给它添了个保护膜；
产自巴基斯坦的蜜柑外表夺人，不过里头的肉却是酸的；
台湾碰柑果肉扎实，清甜多水，价格也当然不便宜。

顾客来购买柑橘时，有的精挑细选，看了一粒换一粒；
有的个性爽快，拿了就走人。
有的顾客百般挑剔，仗着自己有几分钱就来此揶揄弄人；
有的顾客也是服务行业出身，尽心体谅、合作。
有的可以豪爽买下几百箱柑橘，
有的为了一粒，可以跟你斤斤计较。

始终令我感兴趣的，仍然是柑橘。

芦柑多水，外皮不厚，顾客摸起来软软的，就以为是次等货。
顾客远走之后，拨开橘皮尝尝，
其实那软软的芦柑可真是甘香，而顾客却走宝了。
蕉柑外皮不美，不是办年货的首选，
不过它那难看的外皮，却是让它能够成为唯一能渡过元宵的柑橘的理由。
蜜柑光有外表，果肉的味道不知道让多少顾客反感；
而顶级的碰柑，也只有会欣赏的人才懂得品尝。

其实，往更深一处去思考，我们何尝不类似柑橘？
有的人就如芦柑一样，外表不健壮，一副弱势人群的样子，
谁可知他可能是一位学富五车、知识渊博的才子？
有的也许会像蕉柑，外表丑陋，也许内涵也不是很深，
但是坚强的外形却给了身边的人一种安慰和依赖，
就如蕉柑因为耐收而成了一些人的首选。

有的就如蜜柑，光有外表，长得楚楚动人，魅力可倾国倾城；
但是内心的世界是否相同，就令人难以琢磨，
也许是一副菩萨心肠，也可能是一位蛇蝎美人。
而碰柑的好，也许只有知道的人才会品尝；
有的人的美好，也许，就只有那些知道的人才能领悟。

若把柑橘比喻成人，那么选柑、买柑，就如选友、选伴一样吧。

有的人眼光独特，选的都是上等货；
有的则固执与自己的看法，选了次等货回家。
有的我们看似外表输人，但是果肉却十分甘甜；
有的买了一箱自认为好货的回家，隔天就拿来对换了。。。

因为里头的柑橘全都烂了！

来我这里选柑橘，坏了可以对换；
但是很多时候，我们非常清楚，
有的朋友交了，是好是坏，都无法对换。
买了柑橘，不满意也许还能退货，
交换了承诺，那就是一辈子的事了。

人生一步一脚印，也许就如选柑橘；
左挑右选，东看西看，看了一个认为好的，自然就有更好的。
选的时候，有的注重外表，有的则注重内涵；
有的能够难得好货，有的时运差，偏偏就是挑到次等货。
其实选柑橘就如看人、交友、结缘一样吧；
看到的人，交道的朋友，结到的良缘，其实就是在选柑橘，
完全处决于自己的态度和想法。

也许，我们就如那千千万万的顾客，慢慢地选着柑橘；
同时我们也如同一粒粒柑橘一样，认人挑选。

是好货、还是次等货，卖橘的我只能说，
这并非由自己的条件来说明，而是由他人的眼光来约束。
所以，无论是好货坏货，我们都无需在意太多。。。

因为到底我们依然都同样是柑橘，人的口味不同，
总有一天，我们都会找到自己的伯乐。

致意

四年前的十二月，仿佛末日降临；
当时那种烂成绩，不仅夺走了我所有的光彩，
还把我踢入万丈深渊，想要令我无法翻身。
这四年，我受尽了多少揶揄，多少侮辱，多少冷言冷语。。。

所有的事，所有的人，就如报应一样，
处处折磨、刁难我，
令我就如过街老鼠一般，人人喊打；
人看我，总带着瞧不起的眼光，
总拿我与他人比较，总认为我无法表现。。。

十年寒窗无人问，一举成名天下知；
金榜题名了，才有那么多的惊讶和错愕；
本是想低调一点，谁知消息一传出，
那些有的没有的都打电话来“祝贺”，
真是让人觉得，世事难料，真是一个成绩挂帅的社会。。。

不过说真的，这四年过得特别痛苦、特别艰难，
一切，都是一布一脚印踩出的踏实路；
所以，今日能够如此成果，十分得来不易，
让人而外珍惜，特别感恩。

想当初还是垫底的我，也有今日！
阔别四年，不知有否让人刮目相看？

四年令我成熟、稳重多了；
四年的甜酸苦辣，令我成长、令我领悟；
四年的是是非非，让我明白，让我看清；
四年的一切，也让我结交不少的挚友。

没有骄傲的心态，只有感恩的心态；
以下要特别感谢：

诸位学校老师和补习老师；
没有他们的付出就没有我今日的成果，
因为他们的关怀、他们的支持、他们的帮助，
我才有今天，所以我的成绩是属于他们的。

父母和少许关心的亲戚；
没有他们的支持和挑战我就无法突破重围，超越自己。

与我“桃园三结义”的二位好兄弟，CK & CJ；
没有他们的鼓励和开导我也无法成就如此成绩，
多亏他们的义气和帮助，我才能够坚持至此。

学生军众家将；
多亏他们给于我的美丽回忆和美好时光，
使我开朗许多，让我有信心迎接所有挑战，
才有今天的成果，和我们共同的回忆。

补习班的同学；
常常令我有一个开怀的星期三，
让我在轻松的环境下学习数学；
也有你们的笑话和玩闹，
才令着紧张的一年时常怀有愉快的气氛。

特别感谢与我亦敌亦友的小寒；
没有你从前的揶揄，我就不会尝试写作和博客；
因为从前，有了当今，
而就是因为写作，我成就了一切。
万分敬意和感恩，多谢！

再次感谢所有曾经帮助过、支持过、鼓励过我的人；
我的成果，不是个人的，而是因为有了大家，
才有今天的我。

十分感恩，谢了各位！

说，不说

此时心里有种怪怪的感觉。

彻夜没有睡得很好，也没有睡得很久；
不过一起身却感觉精力充沛的。
不知道为何，就是有点奇怪。

我说我要分享些。。。
哎呀，还是别说了。
有些事，我想我不应该说吧。

哈哈。

我总觉得，人嘛，就要做到三件事：
通过过去，把握当前，展望未来。
过去，都已经过去了；
从前的一切不再有，随着时间消失去。
当前是我们唯一能够拥有、把握的，
所以，要珍惜眼前的光阴，眼前的一切，
一切的人，一切的事。
未来，我们无法推定；未来，怀满未知数，
所以唯一能做的，就是有所展望，怀着希望，不要失望。

所以，我经常想想，过去错过的，
我可能要在当今好好弥补，
以至到了未来就不会失望。
过去的，已经过去了；
眼前的，我不想错过，
所以，未来才会美满吧。

可是，我有时很担心；
担心过去的阴影会在当今缠绕着我，
以致我无法看清自己的未来。
我担心，过去的效果挥之不散，
影响了当今，更破坏了未来。

如果时间可以倒流，
我会说我一定不会犯下从前的过错。。。
不过时间是不会倒流的，
所以我想乘着当今，当自己还能掌握一切时，
尽力改变一切的错误，不要在不久的将来留下遗憾。

过去的往事已随风而飞，
我只希望，当今是个变奏曲，
能够让我改变这一切。

因为失去一次就够了；
朋友易得，知己难求啊。。。

哎呀，都说了不要说出来，
说出来坏了事，
怎么还一口气都说出来了。。。

说了，但愿，不会坏事吧？