monday.

well, at least today seems much, much more better.

the celebration at zhss wanst that gd.
had aces day. then run run run.
then she go sprint until wanna vomit.
hope she's alrite.

and, after a bit of slacking in the sch hall.
then went bk to mps. the damn guard told me only at 1330 then can go bk.
and then saw some ex-em3 ppl.
got this nil ncc unit bastard wear one lanyard.
so damn fake.

really, really, miss mps.
miss thed ays how i made name for myself,
miss the days of glory,
miss my days of carefree.
gonna meet up with son ltr,
and have a bon time there.

and, happy tchers' day.

Part II

so, im back, after a long afternoon.

well, everything started when me and son went into the sch.
i roamed around looking for my ex-tchers,
and im glad to see that they're okay.
and just walk here walk there,
looking at my beloved sch.

wad happen next really send me into deep thoughts.

well, so have nth to do,
but to hang around with ppl lyk costner and darren siah.
and son followed us to white sands.
kinda sian down thr...cuz u cant find any common topic.

after looking at the kinda stereotype they have on me,
and after listening to their immature talks,
i was really sent into deep thinking.
son himself was so matured,
and i find myself so diff from last time.

those two harsh yrs killed the old me.
those two harsh yrs killed my childishness,
and put maturity into me.

comparing myself to them,
i felt so diff.
more matured, yet they're still so crappy.

i spent 6 yrs fighting hard back thr,
and i spent two yrs suffering in zhss.
instantly, i got maturity easy.
maybe i should feel lucky,
i got it early to understand so much things,
some ppl spend a lifetime looking for it.

i spent hard days thr,
and harsh times here.
life might be bad,
but i have to tell myself,
'but life goes on. why not make it better?'

looking at the childishness of mps ppl,
and at the misunderstandings of zhss ppl,
i could only say,
sometimes, its hard to survive.
but i have to.

sunday.

another day spend idling away.

really looking forward towards tmr.
aces day cum homecoming. hope that we dun get barred again.
if not we'll start a riot.
well, also wanna go back and give edwin(retarded ex-schmate) some colors.
looks lyk he haven learn to shut his mouth.

so, spend a day slacking away.
not doing any wk, nth at all.
seriously, im getting very bored of the current lifestyle.
do hope that some change will really take place in this last two mths.

getting sick and tired of the class,
getting sick and bored of immatured joel causing chaos in NCC.
sick of us being ripped off by david in order for him to show off,
sick of how ppl stereotype me.
tired of the coldness given by ppl,
tired of the damn lifestyle.

i spent two yrs getting shit.
i spent two yrs getting mocked.
i spent two yrs getting stereotyped.
i spent two yrs suffering hard.

the eagerness to change will be doubled the worse-ness of the circumstances.
so far, i haven get any reply of my appeal.
but if im rejected and i get double the trouble,
daijoubu! it doesnt matter!
wad could a deity do anything to someone born under the Star of Caesar?

sometimes, i just want a break.
a revolution.
mah, endure through the last few months, then everything's okay.
wad abt joel tan? oh.
specs cursed him to have no future. serves him right.

Maybe I'm being seen as someone inferior. But nevermind. I'll prove my worth...and castrate him to make him my steward!
Things might seem bad now; but after this heavy rain, the rainbow will show.

saturday.

no matter what, life goes on.

woke up in the admist of tears,
dreaming, myself as a premier of the Chu state...
what a weird dream.

so, read sam's tag just now.
gave a real gd thinking abt it,
just think, maybe she's right.
from now onwards,
she's gonna walk her own dunno wad road,
im going for my 'Emperor' and Great Plan,
and if fate does it, perhaps we might meet again.
just hope lyk wad sam said,
hope the one would really come.
anw, since im gonna give up,
i wish her gd luck ahead,
and hope she can find her real one in fate.

well,
thought a lot on NCC, and perhaps some mps memories.
thought of yik dong, thought of my son, thought of many many stuff.
i really look forward to going bk to mps,
as well as having lunch with my son.
and thinking of the enthu enthu yik dong.
reminds me of how enthu i am in the past.
and because of this, i also again find the past enthusiaism that lives in me.

sometimes, we're searching for something,
searching, searching so deep,
till we lost the actual aim of what we're searching for.

maybe adventure awaits for me at the front.
i dunno, but i hope this time round,
i could have ppl walking with me.

friday.

A mortal is Immortal only when he or she could do something a mortal can't.

okay, skip the tagbacks, cuz jx-kun tags are always stupid.
today got to stay in class, and the after hcl was digi art.
used the time, to finally, made the final appeal to the Lord.
i guess those around me will noe wad i mean.
seriously, when u committed crimes that u didnt mean to...it hurts.
i plea that he could let everything start afresh, or give me a devil fruit. hahas.

just enduring through lessons till NCC.
kinda okay today, cuz addressments kept drilling us,
as we are deteorating(sp?) in our drills.
and then had a fun PT with wei jie,
which ended up with me having a bon time with aloysius and gang.
they're really a fun bunch of juniors. hahas.
and then so'if came and taught us C&C, and then a bit of interactive.
learn a lot from so'if and addressment; it takes effort and care to lead, not hegemony.

i found the feeling and enthusiaism that made me join NCC at first.

and, dunno for wad stupid reason,
kept looking towards the right in class.
i noe its kinda stupid,
cuz she had already given up, pay no heed, bo chup, dun care me liao.
just wanna go over to console her when she's down, just wanna tell her,
'its alrite!'...but, she'll K me for sure.
just cant get onto operation bangbang...i cant do it.

looking back at my past post,
and at urban-heartbeat,
just realise how childish and immature i am last time.
yes, without this past, i wun be so much, much more logical and mature today.
but, i regret over the sins i committed in the near past..
that's why i plea to the Supreme Lord to give me a second chance.

I noe that she lyks him and hates me;
i noe that she doesnt wants to see me;
she finds me a bore, a detest;
she might think im unfit for her.

no matter wad,
even till the very end,
tell her;
'no matter wad might happens,
if u nid a shelter, if u nid a hand,
im here.
maybe i couldnt sastisfy wad u nid, maybe i could not give u wad u wan,
but im willing to fork out all i have for you.

mah, when did i get so emotional?
looks lyk there's no turning back for this barhs.

thursday.

"Inherited Will, the Destiny of the Age, and the Dreams of its People. These are things that will not be stopped. As long as people continue to pursue the meaning of freedom, these things will never cease to be!" - Gol. D. Roger

well, it seems a bit of normal today too.

FAC came with good news,
just one more kg im outta it.
in this case, im losing 500g a day,
so it takes about a month or so so lose all weight.

and thought of many stuffs today...
including my side dish Operation BangBang.
seriously, i dunno whether should it take flight or not,
but for my dreams, i think maybe it should.
its pretty simple: sabotage and i'll win.
but it just seems not-so-gd for weibin. hahas.

well, at chem today,
she got a bit of irritated by the XL.
just wanna go over, and ask her, 'u're alrite?'
but im scared that she'll scold me off.
it seems that those feeling are not gone yet,
mah, now could it be gone so easily?
morever, it just makes me more determined to be the 'Emperor'!

after much reflection today,
i came to realise something: everyone's unique,
but not extraordinary.
im born extraordinary, and perhaps god make my life this way,
so i could brush up my skills for the Great Plan behind.
Im born with so much imperfections. im born ugly.
but they're not gonna bring me down!

i related to the CP9 saga of one piece.
where Luffy defeat Lucci,
in order to kill Lucci's dream so that Luffy;s dream could go on.
here im doing the same thing: if he dun die,
my dreams cant go on!

sometimes, it doesnt matter how im treated;
it just makes me more determined. its them to disadvantage in the end.

I'll fight on, till I succeed. I doesn't matter if I'm going to fail; at least I tried. But, this time, I'll emerge winner!

wednesday.

tagbacks :)

Aaron: well, hope so. hahas.

and today seems so normal,
but great inspirations were kept in it.

so,
FAC again,
but today got a bit of games.
then dunno why samantha came.
to take height and weight.
oh, and mr heng told me soon i'll be out.
but just wanna stay till 54kg.

and drone drone goeg,
till lit came.
david's script was selected,
and i was choosen to be the protoganist.
well, i think, I THINK,
the female lead seems unhappy with this barh.
maybe a bit. i dunno.

and after so many many events today,
weibin again gave me advice.
im more determined to become the 'Emperor of the Black Winged Steads',
and im all set for it.
wad really made my day today is,
when yanhau told me,
'you can win'.
as he walked away slowly,
i mumbled under my lips,
'arigato niichan...'

i looked back onto my past post.
i thought back of recent events.
thought i was too childish last time,
thought i was too rash last time.
but now, it doesnt matter anymore,
because im strong.

like wad weibin told me,
i shall bear with all this humiliation,
all this unwanted comments,
and work my way hard,
till i become the 'Emperor of the Black Winged Steads'.

i dunno what obstacles are there for me, but i'll fight on.

tuesday.

its another simple simple day,
with great definitions behind it.

okay, wads the good thing about today,
is that very soon i'll get out of FAC.
and then, i finally did not disappoint mr ng,
and got gold for my napfa.
so, this means that i completed one small stage,
of my Operation 'Emperor of the Black Winged Steads'.
getting out of FAC will be another.

well,
after the many many sian lessons today,
had some chill out time in the canteen.
some random chio bu gave me a hirameki,
and i finally see through stuff.

its no use clinging onto the sinking titanic.
titanic doesnt wants me, i'll only make it sink even more.
titanic wans him to salvage her, which i doubt so.
so, maybe im.., no, im gonna give up on titanic.
there are tons of battleships out there,
and i should really go look for my thousand sunny.

well, i admit that it hurts,
when i see how she treated me and him differently.
but now, all it has turn to dust;
for my Operation does not allow me to stay this way.
I vow to make him my steward, and make her regret.
I'm gonna do it!

maybe lyk wad an old friend tells me,
sometimes letting it go will be better.
but, its does takes a lot of courage to let go.
and i have it!

"Have you heard of the awesome treasure at the end of the sea? The guy who claims it will be Pirate King! Are you as psyched as I am? There's unbelievable adventures just waiting for us!" -Monkey D. Luffy

set sail, steer the rudder, let's go!
im ready for a new adventure!

monday.

Tagbacks (:

Qiaohan: aiya, sad that time whr can happy? u come and cheer me up larh.
Aaron: well, maybe that kind of thinking will be better. Thanks son.

another very, very simple day.

enter class to find some silence.
and then went for FAC.
only had dongyi with me today, and ran 12 rounds.

and all the sian sian stuff until CE.
something happened.
saw a scenario...that just boils my fire.
it was lyk weibin wan me 'cham siong' take foto,
for teachers' day. then want take with david if not he paiseh.
then david lyk dun wan dun wan. then ppl nicely persuade him.
fire starts to boil. tell you reason ltr.
then he still give attitude. they still nicely tell him.
then weibin just see david so uncooperative and say, 'yitian..'
and i gave a warning.
finally, could not tahan liao,
i just slammed the door.

perhaps most of you will get puzzled after reading this.
is lyk i see the main diff btwn me and david.
got dai ji, u all talk nice nice to him.
he give lj attitude, u all still talk so nice. smile somemore.
if its for limpeh, diff liao. u all will just blow ur top,
make things not nice.
he over thr give more attitude than i had.
u all still smile. eh, i not human arh?
i give a bit attitude i must condemm for yrs arh?
but no one would ever understand this feeling.
being treated differently...
despite that he's the evil one, and u played baddie for him.
no wonder disputes cant end.

then, wanted to see mr ivan today.
but he's not in, maybe tmr barhs.
just wanna share my feeling with him...

u noe, for two days,
except just some encouragement from a few ppl,
u dun get much.
ppl come here see, also dun wan care abt me.
if its him, things were diff liao!
ppl say i should not post abt sad stuff...
when im down, who's there to help me?
when im sabo, who's there to clear my name?
no one. no one.

dear son told me, his father,
not to care abt wad others see you.
maybe to me, that's self deception barhs.
everytime im down,
i had no reliance.
they treated me as if im unwanted.

today, i see the essential diff.
i see once again, the stereotype.
this only makes me more keen,
to be the 'Emperor of the Black Winged Steads'.

i met with so much turmoils.
who's there to help me? no one.
maybe this aint worse as last yr.
but comapred to it then,
dunno why it feels worse.

One day,
I'm gonna make myself even more worthy.
Today I have Haoushoku Haki.
its more than this the next time.

sunday.

tagbacks (:

yingfeng: thanks, brother. i will.
qianhui: well, thanks. seriously u've been a great classmate.

its another fresh new morning,
that keeps mysteries in for me.

kept thinking ytd.
thinking abt the situation.
its really quite hard when suddenly u feel that the platoon turn against you.
nt really larh, just joel tan and sidney oon.
i dunno why they so scared of me holding a tweeny bit of authority.
maybe they're just afraid of the light,
or scared that my relovution will turn zhncc into a better company.
still rmb brandon. dear, dear brother.
despite having quarrels and prejudice with him,
this rich man's son still spoke up for me.
wad a real nakama!

ooh, there's not really much comments on the tagboard.
somehow i believe when ppl read my postd(esp her),
they will think that,
'aiya, that **ing pathetic guy. he ask for it.'
so, ya larh, its quite hurtful.
and then saw yingfeng tagging.
btw, yingfeng is one of my best buddies back in mps,
all along with the whole bunch of merry crew.
well, its a long time i ever seen him,
hope he's alright.

and also qianhui.
think she is one of the frequent visitors to my blog.
frequent. frequent.
then everytime i got very chia lat post she always lyk...console me larh.
dunno got use the wrong words not.

i thought of the whole night.
seriously, playing the bad guy for david tan isnt really that good.
dun believe, u ppl can ask yingfeng.
i can tell you that im seriously no bad guy,
no flirt, no horny. im just a bit dashing,
outspoken, and a bit of liar.
i think dear yingfeng would find me diff of my current stats.
even dear son thinks so.

playing the bad guy for a evil person to be the gd guy.
too hard. too tough.
i wanna return to be the old me of the past.
the outspoken, charismatic, handsome me.
now, it seems lyk most of the world has given up on me.
but everytime i think of leo, ken koh, kamarul...
those seniors that admire my talents,
i feel a sense of happiness.
and also thinking of nakama that has given me joy and encouragement,
brandon, weibin, oneechan, clarence, xavier...
i feel that im not down yet.

maybe its too late barhs.
2009 ending lerhs.
and i decided, to give up on her barhs.
wad i hope is,
those suckers lyk toh pei shan wun bring the stereotype of me everywhere.
i hope for next yr, i can start afresh.

maybe they cant understand that,
since the start, i act out all this.

I dunno whether is there anyone standing by me. But what i need to know is, when there's enemies, I'll kick their asses.

saturday.

i woke up as daybreak came,
sitting down, wondering wads in store for me.

well,
after yesterday's many incidents,
and after a talk with brandon,
somehow, i began to realise who's nakama and who's not.
i get a clearer picture of ppl around me,
i tend to understand more now.

i thought of giving up on it.
for yrs, i've gave my passion and enthusiaism on it.
the very first time i made a great fall,
jinchun was the one who then gave me a second chance.
now, perhaps im left to myself.

after yesterday,
i only know that i must strive even harder,
to prove my worth.
and after el lessons tmr,
i know wad i did was right;
i wanna to be the 'emperor of black winged steads（黑马大帝）',
the most handsome, the most chilvarous ever.

seriously,
two screwed up yrs is enough.
i dun wanna stay this way liao.
i dun wanna act liao.
it doesnt feels gd,
when in lonely nights and u're down,
and you only have urself.

i lost half of my stands and trust,
i got rejected, and i think she lyks him.
no one is there to lend me a hand,
i just lost wad the last thing i haven lose.
is that the end? no.

大丈夫！！！
this means 'brave man' in chinese,
or 'its all right' in japanese.
i have to tell myself,
its all right,
i just have to continue to walk bravely,
even though no one's there to help me,
and everyone is despising me,
i have to walk on to prove my worth.
if i dun walk on,
or even if i did,
no one would care,
no one would cry.
that's why i have to prove my worth,
and prove my significance.

i always thoughyt of,
if the day of me standing alone is to come,
wad im gonna do?
the answer is clear now;
i have to carry on walking.

Never am I gonna let them look down on me,
Never I'm going to fail again!
I don't want to stay this way,
I want adventure, nakama, mates.
Even if I'm going to fight alone,
Daijoubu, I'm gonna prove to them all!
I'm gonna shock them with what it takes to build me,
And I'm gonna make him my slave!
In lonely nights that I'm let to myself,
Never I'm going to cry again!
I'm not pathetic, I'm extraordinary!
I want to be like the Premier of the Six States, Su Qin,
To let those who had despise me before,
Kowtow to me!

friday.

indeed, i learn something today.

gonna skip the lessons part and jumped to NCC.
well, learn abt map reading today.
same as wad mrs kok taught us.
and gave the mt ophir thing to tingwei.
i lost an adventure, but i gain a nakama.

well,
kept thinking of NCC and the class.
had a small chat btwn the part b and sir suffian.
well, indeed, im very disappointed with myself.
somehow, i think this time,
i screwed up the last thing i nvr screw.
and taught of the class today in the way home.
for so long im prejudice, for so long im stereotyped.
and when i think how she wanted to argue with me all the time,
and how she laugh at his sarcastic comments,
it hurts even more.

i wanted to be any of you all.
i wanted to have friends, relationship.
but all this forbade me.
for so long im stereotype,
for so long, im prejudice.
i really really had enough.
i dun wanna stay this way anymore.

i hope for real nakama.
all these days in zhss, i had a tough time.
sometimes, i wanted to just stop and cry out loud;
but i scared there's no one to tell me,
'daijoubu, warera nakama.' and im left there alone.
sometimes, even my real nakama cant help me.
i seek for relationship.
i gave wadever i could.
wad came back was s***.

sir suffian said the same thing oneechan told me.
'rmb wad u came into ncc for.'
i rmb the time i joined,
i joined for adventure.
but now, things went quite bad in ncc,
until i lost my true self.

really, i hope everything can return to the past.
so that i can change.
during all this times,
who can ever stop, give me a helping hand, and comfort me?
i doubt anyone. i have not found real nakama,
and life has been seriously bad to me.

i didnt want it this way.
being despise and mock at everyday. i dun wan.
being rejected and made a laughing stock. i dun wan.
being made use of and called a baddie. i dun wan.

i dunno,
how long could i go on with this.
everytime im down, i only have myself to comfort me.
when im down, u all made me fell even lower.
i dun wan. i want to be the old me,
the outspoken, dashing thung yi tian.

i just hope,
on this path of hardships,
i can find real nakama.

thursday.

tagbacks (:

Aaron: Might be, but i dun feel so. hahas.
Jun Xiong: yeah, very funny.
Qiaohan: i dun think its just abt we not able to stand each other's idea barhs.

okay,
so it was all fun today.
just somemore running today,
and then was the sian sian timetable.
anw, results aint too gd nor bad.
manage to keep the standard.

and went for the NCC field trip.
a field trip full of simulators.
SAW, M16, SAR-21.
we had a bon time there by killing everyone on screen.
and the rapid fire from SAW was good.
secure a nice 5 kills.
and then had free apollo and water. hahas.
and also had another bon time with ck ng and papa puipui,
as we talked abt face features reading.
just found out that even papa puipui agree that im handsome. hahas.

well, heard that mt ophir trip clash with HCL oral.
but daijoubu, im willing to give up anything for adventure!!!

To go where the brave dare not go, to do what the courageous dare not do.

wednesday.

and it's just another pretty simple day.
but things might get heavier later on.

okay,
so took jog some distance ytd nite,
and run a bit this morning.
anw it was quite nice, can run with weibin and chong kai.
perhaps the time i wanna get out of it is,
when 1) papa puipui is out of it,
or 2) when i build the real set or armor,
or 3) when i return to 54 kg.
but i think choice 1 is the best;
free conditioning every morning till sec 4. hahas.

and lessons were a bit sian today,
and some break finally came at CE.
oh, and shouted at some ppl who wanna piss me off.
maybe next time should take the chance to use Haoushoku Haki on them.

and dunno for wad reason,
i tend to be in a 'nico robin cum ao kiji' mood today;
nth really seems to piss me.
and even the suay kia tries to piss me,
dunno why i manage to keep my cool.
maybe that's level two of Haki:
noe the diff between a sun and a commoner.

and there's this NCC field trip tmr.
yes, field trip. not trainfire or wad.
so i think its gonna be fun.
but its sad that addressments isnt here to share the joy.

and...
just wanna tell her,
i didnt mean to shout at you,
i noe u took it with a callous attitude,
but, i just dunno why u lyk to go against me.
and the class too, for some immature ppl.
its abt to end, why cant we let it have a happy ending?

and when,
can i finish this play,
when can i take off my mask and costumes for this play?

im sick of being the bad guy,
which i didnt want to.
i wan to be the real me,
the real cool headed, full of haki me.

tuesday.

and it just seems like all these thing,
are happening to tell me to get ready for a new start.

okay,
let's talk a bit about ytd's tuition;
it was seriously, another unforgetable day of 2009.
somehow, we manage to stop bickering,
and bond with one another,
and even the tcher join us.
though there's only pathetically seven ppl(eight plus the tcher),
but it beats everything, even 2e3.
i found out that the way towards real bonding isnt just abt knowing one another,
but true acceptance, understanding, respect and care.
toh pei shan and fu qiaohan,
u ppl cant do it, that's why we fail.

okay.
and today is quite sian.
lyk having buddhist religious classes.
oh, and i get enlisted into FAC,
with my BMI exceeding a mere 0.5.
somehow i believe that god is telling me this is a gd start,
to get back to the 54 or 53 i am last yr.
anw, im also jogging in the evening,
stopping recess and lunch.
i nid a new image.

and there's another gd news that i found out,
analysing wad my tuition mates and weibin told me,
is that i really have Haoushoku Haki.
i get to noe this when christine told me,
that i look terrible during pri sch,
cuz my eyes seems fierce.
and overlording.
and my eyebrows that are dark and shaped lyk sabres...
and weibin just gave me some analysing.
yosh, i didnt noe that until today!
so, im gonna start to activated using haki.
and i always thought that it only appears in OP,
but it seems lyk real now.

fyi, Haoushoku Haki means,
the King's Disposition.
looks lyk i have to start using it well.

monday.

okay, i noe im posting too much,
even during common test times.
but anw tmr is hcl, and it doesnt really nid much studying.

so, came to class and started mugging.
and then had some bon time b4 recess,
followed by home econs.
and wad i received during HE wasnt real nice;
we had to start our assignment.
btwn art and HE i have to choose,
i rather do HE. hahas.

and had some kind of slack period during CE.
some talks and some work.
and digi art was abt moving my feature's to weibin face.
yes, e3 ppl, dun sound so **ing gross;
my phoenix eyes and dark eyebrows aint bad.
and then the change after that wasnt real much;
weibin open his eyes too big till his pupils look lyk mine.
and even tcher was a bit shocked with my wk.
that after so many changes,
weibin still look lyk weibin.

anw notice there's 白逢(sp?) in dav's eyes.
gals out there better be careful!

and then.
after a relief session by mr otto tham is test.
quite easy larh, manage to do it.

so, it just seems lyk life is quite plain.
oh, and i saw limberlake.
anw, im just a bit cross with some classmates nowadays.
and just hopes things can turn better.

acting as a protoganist now,
i've pick the wrong path,
and gave the wrong impression.
this gave a chance for dishonourables to rise.
at the end of this yr,
its time to remove my costume,
and wash away my make-up,
and start it all afresh,
as the real, real me.
i just hope its not the same audiences.

sunday.

and oneechan said that my blog lyk very inspirative.
lyk those speakers' ones.
well, just call me a man with insight.

sunddenly my tagboard is flooded with so many tags, positive ones.
well, and all came around midnight. when im having a lonely time with the tv.
and just gonna spend today studying and mugging.
well, two days spend for studies. i sound a bit lyk chao mugger arh?

and just read all the tags on my tagboard.
replied them. and oh, there's this tag that caught my attention.
qianhui =]: one learn to cherish their own talent they will shine.^^

well,
i just wanna say.
i have no talents.
talents, is something u call a pianist, judo master, or artist.
but sadly, im born without talent. but with quite alot of imperfection.

after much thinking,
i realise that it was all this imperfection tht makes me perfect.
talking aloud since young make me an outspoken man with emperor's qualities.
rash bravery made me able to solve all oncoming troubles and achieved great victories against them.
a rebellious heart in peacetime allows me to be a man of great aspirations.
and even the pimples on my face formed the 28 collestations.

and, just wanna say.
im born without talents.
but it was all this perfections and imperfections gave me the abilities that ordinary ppl couldnt have!
i use to look down on myself,
putting myself in comparison with others.
just one david can let me feels inferior.
but its different now!
in depth potential allows me to shine.
all this abilities that has not been awaken,
are the ones that will bring me my greatest honour ever!

to have one last comparison,
indeed, compare to others human being,
im fat, ugly, without any talents, and also not a very nice person.
but yet, im a person with rare abilities!
im outspoken, full of leadership and greatly aspire.
these two scenarios, is enough to make me different from any other ordinary ppl!

and that's the reason, why tcher said that im extraordinary.
im bron to be different- in both ways.

saturday.

somehow, his words have really, enlightened me again,
and this adds on to it, i feel that i have really eaten a Hito Hito no Mi.

okay, so the incident goes lyk this ytd afternoon.
i have completed e learning and went to play this anime fighting game.
well, kinda get thrash fighting the com.
so, my bro came about and disiao me,
by showing a demo of thrashing the com.
and he ltr played a game with me,
ending up with me getting thrash.

he just use two moves,
which was defending and sneak attacks.
and he told me the recipe for winning,
"it doesnt matter about which anime character u use,
naruto or luffy;
wad matters is whether how u're going to use them."

and, i just got enlighten.
wad he means, is very simple, to put one abilities into use.
of course, i knew this saying long ago,
but i have been wondering wads my abilities.
but when i see him using luffy attacks,
such of gomu gomu no fuusen and gattling gun.
i finally understand where my talents lies.

i always believe that god gave everyone a gift,
present in their abilities.
but i have been wondering where's mine.
but after i seen him using luffy,
using luffy's rubber body to achieve victory,
i understand of using my best feature as abilities.

im born with extraordinary dialectal abilities,
and also with high analysing and understanding.
for yrs back,
i have been trying to learn a skill,
yet ignoring these gifts from god.

after seeing weibin winning his podcast comp and going for lego comp today,
i understand of putting one's best features into huge abilities.
not all is born with a talent, but all is born with abilities and potential.

i believe as long as i put my huge leadership and dialectal talents into full use,
i will definitely shine.
and where should i put it?
not lyk everyone, into competitions and others,
but into one place: the political arena.

no wonder tcher said im extraordinary.

the 200th post!

my 200th post on e learning day!

okay,
so, today is quie a significant day,
because e learning day is always a day,
that symbolise the advancement of technology.
(actually its no difference from a holiday with excuses to use the com).

and this is my blog's 200th post!
so decide to type some meaningful stuff.
hahas.

-RECOLLECTIONS-

ever since a replacement of urban-heartbeat,
the blog has always serve as my tool of communication and self awareness for a long time.
urban-heartbeat represents the activeness and courage of me,
while run-the-road represents the true, growing up process of my life.

approximately eight mths have went by,
and during this eight mths,
the blog recorded of my many feelings,
my many activities,
my many dillusion and also my many enlightenment.
through these days,
i went through hardships and troubles,
only ending up with myself as a matured, strong man.

the journeys through life,
somehow it was this blog that allow me to settle down,
and look back and reflect on myself.
having gone through many situations,
i gained experience, and with this blog,
i have endless stories to tell.

perhaps its this blog,
that allows me to reflect on myself,
and allows me to voice out my real opinions,
and its has been this blog,
that connects me with the world.

to the masses out there,
maybe blogging might just be some diaries,
or to keep up the trend;
but to it,
i beg differ.
blogging is a way to voice out my opinions,
and looking back at my past post,
i tend to understand myself and my actions better,
and reflect and repend on them.

maybe through these days,
i have found wad i really want.
through a new beginning at the start of the yr,
NCC trngs, class despise,
NCC courses, and many many events.
the blog not only record the history of a single person,
but also his road towards the real goal of his life.

now,
i hope that many could take up the habit,
habit of reflecting on one self,
and stopping to listen to the comments of others.
i did it, through blogging.

the blog does not only represent my harsh life,
but also a prolouge to a new page of Singapore's history.
the encouragement and lectured by Mdm Zhang Hong,
shall led me to end this post with a quote by Gol. D Roger from One Piece:

"The world... Yes! Seek freedom, and your world will stand stretched out before your eyes. If the endless dream guides your spirits, Conquer it! Bear conviction behind your flag!"

thursday.

and words struck me like lightning,
awakening me from my illusion.

the periods before recess are quite simple,
not gonna elaborate.
but wad cause the climax today is HCL lesson.

and we're studying a topic on friends,
and mdm zhang hong was lyk talking abt the importance of frens.
and how to see tht one person is a true fren or not.
and i voice out tht i have no frens,
and she finally told me the reason.
this is because i am extraordinary.
her words of 'dun forget that ppl around you are ordinary ppl',
struck me hard. i awakened,
only to realise the essential diff btwn a leader and masses.

after that,
she told me tht the diff in ambition and thinking causes my many misunderstanding in the class.
and ltr meh me tht im a exraordinary person, so i should not be clowning around,
lest causing more misunderstanding.
and to my suprise, she returned me my wadou ichimonji.
wrap in red.
i see some damn big linkage btwn these two incidents.

anw,
after thinking of was qianhui, nee-san and mdm zhang said,
i finally realise the cause and solution to my problem.
the cause is due to my eagerness and rashness to get attention,
and in the end screw up from the start.
now, the hard stereotype is there, there's no way it can change.
for now, the only solution is to have a new start,
which i nidda wait till next yr.

and the oncoming lessons and test are nth but a breeze.

only till now,
only after a lecture by mdm zhang,
i realise my mistakes tht cause a great problem.
im gonna return to the old me,
the serious mobster of the past,
the old, old me.
a very childish reason that started all this,
but ended with me maturing.
even if its too late now,
but not as late to realising it only at sec 4.

i have to accept the fact that im extraordinary.
i have to not be rash again.
i have to return to my serious old self.
i have to know, im unique.

it all started badly.
but, i've nvr regret,
for if it nvr started this way,
i would not have ended up as a matured, aspiring man.

but, i still want a devil fruit.

we are nakama!

Hashiridase! Hashiridase!

let me begin with some kind of stuff.
alrite, i got reject, two times,
and then, she tried to get rid of me, and my feelings.
of course, as a human i will feel sad and depress larh.
but, despite all this, some really really really super nice person,
talked to me to lift my spirits ytd.
and thanks to dear aniki, even though she cham siong u to get rid of me.

and really, thanks to my personal counsellor.
she talked to me for an hour and a half ytd nite,
despite that she just finish three test,
and even have a sore throat.
its really hard to meet a woman of such gd temper and generousity nowadays,
so, must really thank her for counselling me.
arigato, nee-san! its really nice to talk to you.

and today,
many many things happen.
and i just decided to give up my captured base.
its no use of retrieving it larh.
well, i learn something in NCC today.
when weihan was questioned for ponning trng,
and dear sgt junli came hard on him.
ask him got participate in any NCC activities.
i took the risk to tell junli that weihan actually interact with yingkang.
and try to get weihan out of the trouble.
after dismissal,
weihan trun back and asked, "why did ya help me?",
and i replied, "cuz we are brothers!"

i learn alot this two days.
the true key towards winning the support of the mass,
is showing three things:
showing care even towards total strangers;
showing respect, even to your deadliest foes;
showing humility, even at your gloriest period.
true leadership stands in them.
nee-san was able to earn my admiration and respect,
is due to the fact that she show care and humble temper,
even towards a person lyk me.

for now,
i might be standing alone;
but i will nvr let ppl around me stand alone.
and nee-san, i really mean to support u when u have no job next time.
although it seems that it wun happen.

oh, still got david tan.
he said that he didnt do compo qn no 3 cuz he have both looks and intelligence.
hahas.
one day, im gonna make him my servant, under my service!
those that treat me well now,
i vow if the day of different colours are to fly occurs,
i wun forget those who help me,
and those who despise me!

oh, i swore not to say L*L again.

just enjoy larh. - nee-san

tuesday.

busy busy busy!

today had vball in the morning...
got some improvement larh.
can set and spike better.
and then was playing around....

and then.
did something fking drastic.
and then tio jack.
well, at least i gather my guts to do it.
but im not gonna give up!

following was lessons, lessons, lessons.
and got lit test.
Banquo-ossan and encik Macbeth. sianz.
and have NCC tmr. then thurs got math test.
busy busy busy. sianz.....

well,
he encourage me to continue.
they told me its hopeless.
i ahve nothing, nothing to say.
but i wanna tell her,
whenever u're feeling down,
whenever u feel hopeless,
whenever things seems bad,
no matter wad, u still have me, in all circumstances.
it doesnt matter whether u hate me or not,
it doesnt matter if u wan to keep a distance from me.
i dun mind tht u despise me,
i dun mind tht u siam me.
im always here,
protecting you always.

i feel more and more humane.
maybe my mindset is changing.
im so fickle,
yet so stubborn.

monday.

oh, wad a monday morning.

think tht has to dedicate this day to mugging lit.
cuz tmr got lit test.
and all the others test will follow.
so sian sia.
have no plans for today.
wad i only wan today is tht to get all my wk settled.
and study for my test.

was thinking abt alot of things in the morning.
thinking of my platoon, my class, my future,
my academics, and...her.

think of the once united part B under zhiwei.
when tingwei tio pump, we pumped together.
and used to be quite close with ck seah.
but now...haiz. all turned to dust.

think of the turbulence of last yr.
walking alone during recess, fighting for self,
treated as an outsider, individuality...
till today, when things finally turn a bit, abit better,
i dun have the time to enjoy.

and her.
dunno why im so immature last time.
go make her cry.
go quarrel with her.
go disiao her.
and now.
finally realise i did so much stupid mistakes.
but, maybe its too late.

well, i hope for the best.
tell her, okay no more censor,
사랑해요.

sunday.

Adorning the fluttering flag upon the skies; praising the bright red sun upon the universe.

woke up, and just realise its august nine today.
so, had a quick breakfast, and went to the com.
blog hop here and there, saw some comments tht will break some hearts,
got thrash in mafia wars, and made an alliance in tribalwars.
nidda chiong finish all the wk today.

thinking back,
i have indeed wasted too much time for these two yrs.
having a wrong start in impel down,
i just wasted two yrs.
wasted, i mean by having a bad life.
finally, things are turning a bit better,
but there's only two months left.

ppl tend to regret over stuffs.
but, i dun regret of having a bad start,
and only remedy finish by now.
over these turbulence times,
impel down matured me,
it taught me abt self reliance,
it taught me abt friendship,
and also, ****.

now, i can throw away the hard outer shell of me,
because for now, i dun nid it anymore.
it always remain a question whether the class will still be it without me.
but now, if without him, perhaps the gals will think 2e3 wun be 2e3 anymore.

perhaps this is fate.
a fate tht i create myself.
but through this fate,
i found the key towards adulthood; maturity.
and perhaps of this, i found wad i truly want.

words tht have stuck in the throat,
actions tht went on without thinking,
misunderstanding tht left unsolve;
wad tht has a beginning, will have an end.
i just hope, this end, will not be as bad as the start.

wealth, fame, power;
looks, figure, talents;
all it does not matter anymore.
like humanity,
it turn into dust when humanity is lost.

if you are to ask me,
whether this two yrs have been wasted;
last time, i will agree,
but for now, i wun,
because i just found wad i want.

maybe its a one sided thinking,
maybe it wasnt meant to be.
but its alright,
for i am always here.

saturday.

"Inherited Will,
the Age of the People has arrived.
As long as People continue to pursue the definition of Freedom,
Nothing shall be ceased!"

this, is my quote for national day.
the third generation has arrived,
and even SM Goh has predicted the oncmoing of the next PM,
of the fourth generation.

but,
I foresee the New Era, the New Age!
now, this is Our Era, Our Time!
I told Daryl ytd,
one day, I'll fly my own colours,
I'll sing my own anthem!
even if I'm killed for this wild ambition,
I'll turn my flame of dreams into a fire that will brighten the world!

three generations has passed.
nothing can ever last till the fourth.
the flame of us, will burn upon the start of the New Era!

When there's a start, there will be an end; for there's no ending, there will be no beginning.

I look forward to life.
I look forward to future.

friday.

PART I

mah, today was so damn tiring.

came to sch early early for ndp.
then, meet up with mates at canteen.
and ltr the ndp was lyk so fast.
a bit screwed, but manage to give a gd job.

celebration at the hall was quite sian at first.
but ltr got community singing then everyone is lyk so damn high.
whooz~~~!
and now come to ken's hse to blog. lawl.

after this long holiday,
gonna be a wk of mugging and tests.
gonna stress out sia. sian.
and got e learning. maybe win some lose some larh.
at least not tht bad.

and happy bday singapore.
i love my soil man.

i always wanted to tell you.
but i find no chance. i find no courage.
i wanna noe how you feel.
i wanna let you noe, how i feel.
i wanna tell you, * **** ***.

im not very gd at words.
when i meet you, i dunno how to express myself.
but i just wanna tell you, * **** ***.

~~~

PART II

of course, when there's part one, there will be part two.
so, after the last blogging at ken's hse, i decided to edit it.
but not editing the actual text. lawl.

and beside doing wk,
we had some pizza, and played mahjong.
owned many rounds and dave just won bk all the chips in one round.
and then they dota-ed, and badminton a bit b4 leaving.

well,
had a men's talk with one of the grp members.
and this sharing, indeed, enrich me.
well, just found out how hard is the situation for my brother.
daijoubu, wood sure can store ice.
and seldom ppl say my blog makes sense.
he's the second one to tell me.

and just wanna say,
it hurts me when i see her coughing.
and i admit,
when i see her,
my heartbeat increase.
dun ask me why.

i just dunno how to show my care.
i just dunno how to tell you.
i just dunno how to potray it.
it seems hopeless at first,
but after the men's talk,
i feel much more secured.

haiz, teens are always teens.
i am a human too.

thursday.

another very simple day.

okay, so the day began with art.
and then for the other following lessons are all damn sian.
and had three periods of sci at the end.
and must apologise to Ms Tay for making so much noise.
not only me, the class too :X

geog test was so simple till i can do it without opening my eye.
make me waste two days hardcore studying geog. zzz.
and there's ndp tmr.
and after tht we're going to kenny's hse for a dry swim!
wah, look forward to tmr. lol.

well,
today was an 'informative' day in sch.
i heard of much of my peers' past.
next time must buy sara lee choco cake for dave during his bday.

actually, wanna to tell her * **** *** today.
but so suay tht mrs kok came into the class just as i was walking towards her.
really want to tell her.
but i think she will give me a slap and say negative stuff.
lol.

wednesday.

really, really, tiring today.

okay,
so lets not mention abt long hrs b4 recess;
and at chem i got bk my screwed results.
mah, daijoubu! lets work harder next time.

and CE was such a random period...
slack time. and at maths mr tham showed us some lame clips.
'mean, median, mode...'
and after a HCL slack session was time for some rest.

after a vball game with some classmates was ndp.
and just practice, practice, practice.
and we are going to wear FULL NO 4 on fri.
i mean, NO 4, NOT NO 3. get it?

and there's geog test tmr.
can handle larhs.
and i found out tht im finally sick.
despite 100 wide arm pumpings a day,
im sick. lovesick?

and its just bizzare tht i fall into this pit again.
looks lyk those one piece songs are wasted..
perhaps i just wanna pick up my courage,
and tell her, * **** ***.
but, everytime im there,
my tongue seems twisted,
and my charisma aint there.
it doesnt feel gd to hold a torch.
and i think, she doesnt share the same thoughts.
yes i noe, it doesnt match...but i couldnt control. argh.

and, minna, jiayou for geog test tmr.
and zhncc jiayou for everything,
my numb3r jiayou for CE proj,
and i must also jiayou. start me up.

i noe i dun fit her,
but, i cant control.
its just normal for any teens, dude.

tuesday.

oh, wad a day.

and it started off with a morning assembly.
listening to some CIP and work experience stuff.
wonder if they have wk attachtment to army or rsaf?

typically screwed PE,
cuz it was volleyball. dun ask so much.
and had a HCL formal letter test,
and then was lit.
quite okay larhs, and english was so damn dry.
can see ms suba cant tahan us liao. next time try not to disiao her.
maths ended the day and i went home. pretty plain?

well,
somehow, i kept thinking of something.
i felt extremely bad at PE, and even more at english.
somehow, i also want wad other teenages are after.
it doesnt meant tht when i started off badly i have to stay it tht way.
all along, i potrayed myself as a joker, in order to keep the show going.
but, after all, im ordinary lyk any one of you;
im nt superman tht can withstand those emotional pressure and peer aloofness.
i must say again, i dun wanna be viewed as the lower one anymore;
i want to soar and fly.

i thought it doesnt matter if i dun look gd.
i thought it doesnt matter if i have v shape.
but now it does matter.
ppl aloof me, for obvious first impression,
and v shape, is wtf-ing treated as 'fat' in zhss.

i would really want to tell her * **** ***.
but, looking at the situation,
its better tht i go bk to be the tough man tht walks alone.

oh, and i tell ziying tht she's a talent today.
for no reasons, but i see potential in her.
one day if i ever set up a crew or a political party, she must be the first to join.

bk to the story.
it just seems bad when u have nth u can be proud of.
i mean, no talents. no abilities.
so i always wanted something lyk mera mera no mi(fire fire fruit),
pika pika no mi(light light fruit),
or even oni oni no mi(demon demon fruit).
maybe with some abilities,
i might be a better person.

tell her,
i **** her,
and im serious.
mah, maybe its better to be tht tough man walking alone.
tales of the lone ranger aint too bad.

monday.

One should not enter by the back door. One who enters by the back door is a dishonour one. - Mdm Lim.

well, one quote by my p6 HCL tcher.
life was really, really strict then,
but it was good. perhaps my value for honour and chivalry, my realism, came from her.

okay, life today aint too bad nor too gd.
things were a bit of slack,
and home econs werent too messy either.
and had slack lessons lyk CE and ICT...
slow paced. and,
really want change seat with kenneth or yan hau.
there the fengshui not bad. lol.

somehow,
i tend to miss my primary sch HCL lessons.
compared to mdm zhang hong,
my p6 HCL tcher is far way better.
lessons were strict, workload were heavy,
but it was indeed, an enriching experience.
not only u pick up skills of academics,
morals, and values, are something u can get.
and all these just seems lyk it just happened ytd...

well,
life in primary sch was all abt being the overlord,
no women included.
now, because i wanted wad every guy wants at the start,
i screw my life since sec 1 orientation...

i really wish to return to that very state,
when im carefree, only caring abt the basic aspects of life.
somehow, i began to wonder if things were better if they were to be kept simple..
maybe i was too hot-headed and impulsive at the start.

somehow,
since i have choosen this path,
i have to continue walking on- no matter wad reasons.
it doesnt matter whether how carefree, how abstinence i am in the past,
wad matters is wad is happening now- im a joker, unlyk the past scholar;
im a 'flirt', unlyk the past gentleman.

maybe things were better if i kept my past state.
well, i just have to continue walking.

quite random arh this picture?
okay, up there u can see 5 ppl,
me, kenneth, chong kai, koh chin, jonathan.

i am now,
filled with a very calm and steady mindset.
maybe because i have been slacking alot for the past few hrs,
no other things than gaming and more gaming.

i think,
i have been turning more and more realistic.
somehow, i began to realise something of life- you have to be realistic.
i used to thought that im realistic enough.
but not now.

these few days, or the past wk,
as really, a very very great lesson for me.
somehow, one wk alone change half of my mindset,
which turn out to be so suprising.

i am very worried.
worried abt the company, worried abt my life, abt my studies, my future.
somehow, half of my class screwed up my future in zhss.
and there are even things tht screw me up in the company.
i am very worried abt my relationships.
im the one who ppl tend to betray,
im the one who must always play the bad guy.
in fact, i didnt want it this way.

whenever i looked at this foto,
somehow my thoughts will tell me,
"there are two ppl in this foto, who will cause an uproar,
one would bring glory and fame, and the other, destruction and extinction."
and i always view myself as the positive one.

i always believe tht things will always turn fine,
but for most of the times, they dun.
wad i am really worried abt now,
is the image tht i given to others.
no, no, the image they gave me.
playing the bad guy for so long,
all the negative words are chained to me.
and plus the kind of looks and figure i have,
life, really really screwed.

i dun wan to be lyk some low lying ppl.
i wan to be lyk the others.
even if david tan can attract gals,
i dun see the reason i cant.
even if kenny is view as the heir(which is of course, due to some reasons),
i dun see tht i cant do it.

somehow,
i used to think why i am always a step lower than others,
and im fated to be the one lying low.
perhaps this is wad tht cause my optimistic character,
and perhaps, the key to me being ambitious.

maybe somehow ppl say there's no one to play this role,
so i have to.
but i didnt want it.
i want to be lyk the others,
always given a chance.
yes, perhaps many times im given chances, in many arenas.
but chance to make me stay this way.

i rmb the times when my self esteem drop to negative 80,
and i commented myself on my looks.
those classmates of minesaid i dun nid a plastic surgery..
in fact, as i think bk,
if i dun get one, perhaps i can remain single my whole life.

but,
even if things are gonna stay lyk this as times goes on,
i will still say,
'i believe in that one tomorrow.'
and im gonna wk towards it,
defeating all obstacles on my road.

ok, this post is so damn random. lol.