friday.

indeed, i learn something today.

gonna skip the lessons part and jumped to NCC.
well, learn abt map reading today.
same as wad mrs kok taught us.
and gave the mt ophir thing to tingwei.
i lost an adventure, but i gain a nakama.

well,
kept thinking of NCC and the class.
had a small chat btwn the part b and sir suffian.
well, indeed, im very disappointed with myself.
somehow, i think this time,
i screwed up the last thing i nvr screw.
and taught of the class today in the way home.
for so long im prejudice, for so long im stereotyped.
and when i think how she wanted to argue with me all the time,
and how she laugh at his sarcastic comments,
it hurts even more.

i wanted to be any of you all.
i wanted to have friends, relationship.
but all this forbade me.
for so long im stereotype,
for so long, im prejudice.
i really really had enough.
i dun wanna stay this way anymore.

i hope for real nakama.
all these days in zhss, i had a tough time.
sometimes, i wanted to just stop and cry out loud;
but i scared there's no one to tell me,
'daijoubu, warera nakama.' and im left there alone.
sometimes, even my real nakama cant help me.
i seek for relationship.
i gave wadever i could.
wad came back was s***.

sir suffian said the same thing oneechan told me.
'rmb wad u came into ncc for.'
i rmb the time i joined,
i joined for adventure.
but now, things went quite bad in ncc,
until i lost my true self.

really, i hope everything can return to the past.
so that i can change.
during all this times,
who can ever stop, give me a helping hand, and comfort me?
i doubt anyone. i have not found real nakama,
and life has been seriously bad to me.

i didnt want it this way.
being despise and mock at everyday. i dun wan.
being rejected and made a laughing stock. i dun wan.
being made use of and called a baddie. i dun wan.

i dunno,
how long could i go on with this.
everytime im down, i only have myself to comfort me.
when im down, u all made me fell even lower.
i dun wan. i want to be the old me,
the outspoken, dashing thung yi tian.

i just hope,
on this path of hardships,
i can find real nakama.