New Year's Eve

Well, after a long run we've come to New Year's Eve...
I don't know why, but to me, this has always been the saddest part of the year.
It just kind of hurts me, that memories are getting pushed behind,
and then, you have to go on to seek out for new stuff in the next year.
But then, no progress, no growth.

Holidays' ending, the year's ending;
and I don't know what else is going to end too.
Well, for sure, it's a new era in school next year-
changes in the CCA, and hopefully changes in the school's running system.
it's good to see new changes in a new year;
but they need to be good changes too (like DUH!).

Okay, so I went back to take a look at my 2010 New Year Resolutions...
and god damned it, not even more than 50% completed.
But well, that's okay, at least I've tried;
so maybe the targets are going to be a little bit lower next year.

So, here are the 2011 New Year Resolutions:

1) Weight Loss: Preferably a 60kg.
2) Academics: Don't talk about the points, just good enough to study Chinese in poly.
3) CCA: A good retirement... one without regrets. Maybe the CLT course?
4) Class: If they're willing to let me run elections again... I don't mind doing the shit for one more year. And yeah, we need more class outings.
5) Friends: Used to be a problem, now ain't a problem, and it's never going to be a problem again.
6) Life: More cash, more time, more parties.
7) Love Life: Sorry, but I do not have one.
8) Puberty: By right it should have stopped, but just a little few more centimeters, lest I'm going top be the one shouting 'yes sarge' during the sizing drill.
9) Hair: See how long I can stay with bangs for 2011.
10) That's all, really.

Pretty simple resolutions that doesn't need much effort...
but as they said, 'a simple life is a happy life!'
So, keep things simple, and things will stay happy.
And you will be happy.

And throughout 2010, I've been through serious bullshit;
bullshit that completely changed me.
Changed me for the better? I think so.
I've become more quiet, more meek, and more reserved;
but more understanding, more patient, more forgiving.
Err, well, various people played a role in the 2010 sagas(you can visit the archives to view my various shocked shit),
so, today is the day that we get the credits rolling.

Special and heartfelt thanks to:

Family, and Class of 3E2 2010, and Zhonghua National Cadet Corps.

Teachers that taught me this year;
Mr Ang, Mr Tham, Mdm Jiang, Mr Cheow, Ms Peh, Mr Chew, Mr Brady, Mr Ong, Mrs Ang, Ms Ng, Mrs Seng, Mrs Ho, Mrs Lee, and last but not least, Ms Noraini.

Specialists, NCOs of Charlie Platoon 2010:
CK Ng, CJ, Kah Chee, Chin, Ken, Daryl, Ervin, Brandon, Helmi, CK Seah, Oliver MK, Jonathan, Eric, Joel, Minghan, Weihan.

The Commissioned Officers of the company, and cadet officers Daryl, Daron.

My Boys, the Bravo Platoon 2010.

The usual friends:
Keong Cheng, Ting Wei, Martin Kau, JX, Chua, David.

Neighbours sitting beside me:
Audrey, Andrea, Sher Yun, Ziying.

The girl that could really chat with me in class, you know who you are (:

Friends I met in various NCC courses,

Sui Sen of OB Singapore 13-18 June,

Mat Salleh of OB Sabah 13-22 Decemeber,

Tuition clique:
Xavier, Clarence, Patrick, Christine, Amanda.

Classmates from Chinese class,

Kids I met at the detention area:
Jia Ying, Sean, Kenneth.

And also, the various friends and brothers I had in Zhonghua.

Once again, thanks with gratitude and tears to:

My camp-de-aide ChangJun,

Ting Wei and Keong Cheng,

My good brother CK Ng,

My 'son' Aaron,

Those friends that I made through other friends,

Chua who helped me a dozen,

Ziying who helped me thousand times this year,

Various ex-classmates of Meridian;

Friends I met online through MSN, you know who you are (:

And last but not least,

My dearest sisters, you know who you are (:

All right, that should be all...
I'm sure I never missed out any, I guess.

And yeap, 2011's arriving in like... 14+ hours from now...
and here to wish everyone, a Happy New Year,
a fruitful 2011, and keep that smile on your face (:

Err, I wanted to write down, 'forget you' for number 10 in the resolutions,
But I guess, let me just keep that devotion for one more year...

Right.

Movie

Have been watching movies online nowadays, a whole deal of them.
From Ironman 2 to Grown Ups, and even the 10 episodes of Band of Brothers.
Well, I guessed this shall be the way;
the way that I'll be spending the last days of this holiday.

So, I wonder if everyone reading this might notice the trend of movie.
Every movie has a story to tell, obviously;
and every of them, has a lesson to teach.
They have a thought for us to ponder upon,
and they have a inspiration to give us rooms for creation.
To create what is the so-called 'aftermath' of whatever we see on the screen.

As what Aesop's fables are like,
every story has a moral at the very end.
A moral for us to learn, a moral for us to ponder upon;

A moral that might inspire some of us.

Life is definitely like a movie.
As the Chinese proverb mediacorp uses all day long,
“人生如戏，戏如人生。”
Life, is just like a movie;
with its starting, plot, climax, and perhaps a happily-ever-after ending.
No doubt, this movie of our own has its own moral, too.

Maybe we just get engrossed for 3 hours in the cinema,
but this 'movie of life' goes on playing for decades.
You're the director, the actor, the producer, the scriptwriter...
You are the one that is going to produce this movie,
and you're the one that is the very main cast.

Every moment, you have to rights to change things.
Pulling in new casts and crew members into the studio,
or amending the script, adding in new features, changing props, etc.
For everything that take place, you have the final say.

So, I'm just wondering, life, its just like a movie;
but this movie differs a lot from those we see in the cinemas.
Those are made ready, and we just have to pay for the admission ticket;
this one, its screening every second, and filming every second.

Romance, action, comedy, tragedy;
What kind of genre, you can choose it yourself.
the protagonist, sidekicks, hero, or villain;
this is your movie, you choose your role to play.

A movie that is going on and on for decades;
another difference this unique movie have,
is that every moment, there is a moral to tell.
Every moment, there is a lesson to learn.
Every moment, there is a thought to be inspire.
Not like those in the cinemas; you'll only start thinking when the curtains draw.

You can't rewind this movie.
Neither pause, stop, loop, playback, whatsoever;
and the worse of all, you only get to see it once.
Every scene, every act, every move...
You'll only get to see and film it once.

For this movie, there's no sequel to it;
hence, there's no room for any regrets.
We can't get the protagonist dying,
and then make a sequel to showcase his return.
This movie of life, it's just one and once;
no Ironman 2, no Superman Returns.

It just goes on and on, and you can't pause.
That's why, I want every scene to be something nice;
you can't edit this film like the post production.
You can't cut away scene, or trying to do a voice-over.
It just stays there, forever.

I want every scene of mine to be a comedy;
maybe action at the extreme.
I got no room for tragedies.
And I want this movie to be an inspirational one;
with lessons to teach, morals to learn.

Actors and actresses enter and exit from various scene.
But I myself am always here,
writing this script of my life;
filming and acting every scene of this movie.

This is my movie.
What's yours?

Greatness? No.

Some men were born great; others, had greatness trusted upon them.
Those who were born great create empires and careers that not many could surpassed;
while those who had greatness trusted upon them,
went on to seek higher glory for what that they inherited.

There were many men in history who were born great,
to create pages in the history textbook for themselves.
Caesar, Genghis Khan, Napoleon, William of Normandy.
And they had heirs who were trusted with important greatness,
and went on to push limits and boundaries.
Octavian, Kublai Khan, Peter the Great.

Great men were born out of times of chaos,
to create a brand new era for themselves;
while in peace time certain ones had greatness entrusted to them,
to maintain the peace and order of the empires.

But not all of us were born to be great men;
and not all of us had that responsibility to uphold greatness.

"Everyone could be a leader. It's just about whether you want to."
My teachers and coaches spoke of this a dozen times;
I used to believe in such fabricated tales-
tales of how everything about success just voice down to your own determination.
That was the time when I used to believe that everyone could be great.
I believed everyone should have dreams- and dreams do come true.

But it came to one day, when all these fanciful thoughts shattered.

I always used to think that I could strive to be like one of them.
Caesar, the Khans, Peter, or maybe, just like Raffles.
I thought with enough changes and hard work,
I could prove myself to be worthy of greatness.
Greatness that gives me the power to influence people and change the surroundings.

But reality came to a point that make it very clear to me.
I'm not born great; neither people had greatness entrusted upon me.
I tried to be that guiding lamp among hearts of the common.
But well, I never got a chance to do so;
or should I say, they never gave me a chance to perform?

Be it in my CCA, in class, or other where else;
I feel like I'm being locked up, and put away.
Years passed, and my mates attained honourable positions in CCA and school.
As for me, I'm a mere little specialist, not worthy of notice.
All those words that I used to believe in...
suddenly turned into white lies.

Greatness, I never aspire for it anymore.

Despite not being born for greatness, or having greatness entrusted upon me;
I still believe, I'm born for something.
I'm born to serve a certain purpose,
or maybe I'm born to find a certain purpose in life.
There's still something that is worth living for;
there's still a value that makes life meaningful, as it should be.

For years, I seek out for this purpose.
I kept on wondering, was this born upon me,
or I have to seek it from the world,
like looking for a tiny needle in the ocean.
It might be hard finding something that you didn't know what it is-
but I never gave up seeking.

I couldn't achieve great things in life; neither would people entrusted greatness upon me,
but I believe there's a reason that I came to this world.
There's a reason that I've came to explain.
There's a purpose that I've came to serve.
There's a role, for I have came to play.

Be it negative, be it positive-
I firmly believe that there is place for me to stand among the commons.
I might not stand great or high among them;
but certainly, at the very least, I have to stand equal among the commons.

Not being born a great man, or entrusted with greatness, it's fine!
But you have to live a decent, honest and respectable life.

And when I'm still searching for that purpose of life,
I stoop upon blogger.com, and started blabbering.

Years passed, and those filthy words,
suddenly came to life, dancing gracefully.

I'm thinking, perhaps there's still a way I can change the world.

But for a start, this change shall start from myself.

Having some Thoughts on Christmas Day

It's been some days since the adventure ended;
well, days into urban city, and I've gotten back used to the modern life.
But still, I miss those challenge and insanity I have back in Sabah.

God damned, certain things do really stick there in the mind,
and change you for a lifetime.

There's still a couple of things for me to clear up before ushering in 2011.
Try to complete what's leftover of my schoolwork,
and then maybe fixed a couple of things here and there, getting ready for next year.
And also prepare everything that I should prepare,
before I retire from my position in the Corps next year.

Yea, heck that, fours years of green, that's going to be;
to think that soon it'll just come to an end like this.

To recount back all that tears and joy,
I must say I'm proud to join the ranks and files.
But I must clarify, I was never proud to be in the ranks and files.
I don't know why; the Corps left me with a dozen of bad memories.
The Corps made me see the true facets of human beings;
who's good and who's not, who's the upright and the unscrupulous.

I came across various situations in the Corps;
which most of them were just plain shit that was plain unfair to me.
Seriously, sometimes that little bit of unfairness still stuck there,
as I began to recount about all the unfairness I've been through and seen.
And it was all that unfairness that couldn't make me hold my head high.

Forever in Zhonghua.

And maybe, forever in front of all my friends.

OB Sabah taught me well. It made me thought well.
At certain times, letting go of certain things might be the best solution out.
I thought, well, it's time that I should let go.
Let go of my boys, let go of them to be free men;
let them fall, and watch them climb back up again.

Also to let of of all these traumas that have been haunting me;
and letting go of that little bit of military pride left in me.
I'm trained to tolerate and function in cooperation with military life;
but after all these years I just beg a life to be different.
Military life, no way for me.
NCC's been a way too much; too much politics, too much reality.

I've always wanted to find an area.
A real place that I could call my own, where I'm the owner,
whereby I'm not the one abiding the rules, but making it.
Some second place whereby I could really call home,
after this little four room flat I'm residing in right now.

Zhonghua's been a hard lesson that's way too harsh for me;
not to talk about all that in the Corps.
I'm sick and tired of all that tyranny, all that falseness of reality.
I want to seek for an area whereby I could reveal my second personality,
and work with people in the most fundamental and basic way.
A way whereby we cut all the fake smiles and other bullshit.

Once, my OB Sabah instructor, Floris, explained why he came all the way from Holland to Sabah:
"I grew up in a very posh neighbourhood in Amsterdam...
Everything there was modern. You don't get something like what you're getting now(in Sabah).
After high school, I didn't thought of going to college.
I just want something different.
Something way, way different from all that I've seen."

Me too, I just want something different.
Something way, way different from all these around me.

Singapore might be a great place to reside in;
but that's not some place that I can find the kind of security that safeguards my feelings.
The urban lifestyle may be posh and modern,
but that's not something that could really bring me all the happiness I wanted.

I remembered when I was residing in the kampung in Sabah,
I felt a sudden sense of belonging.
Tell me, is that the heart's calling, or just a temporarily feeling?

15 years of life, near 4 years of secondary school and military life;
and yet, I've seen enough of human beings.

The truest purity of humans lies in when they are still elementary.
The more people are exposed to, the more corrupt their personality becomes.

Enough, I had enough of all these bullshit.

But thankfully, I think I found another place to reside my feelings.

MAT SALLEH ha hey ho !

It's been a day since everything ended...
well, I'm still not getting used to the urban lifestyle.
For instance, I'm walking around my house in just only boxers,
like how I'm doing it in the jungle back in Sabah.
And all that climbing and rowing "change" my fingers;
what's up with this kind of slow and stupid typing speed?

But I would say, honestly, that might be the best ten days of my life.

All of us came together as strangers, who didn't know a single fact of one another;
it was all a same course, with a same target, that bonded us together.
We came as strangers, aloof and distance;
and yet ten days later, we parted like a family, hot tears rolling down the cheeks.

There's really a lot that I learn from these ten days.
I met many people that I never met before,
deal with personalities that I've never dealt with,
and came across challenges that I have no experience with.
Every little obstacle was a test to me, and us;
a test of my perseverance, a test of our bond.
Sometimes we made it through, sometimes we crashed hard;
but it was great to see that at the end, we're still holding on to one another.

It was all the kind of usual stuff that people would learn,
which I got out of these ten days and everyone that I met.
All the textbook answers like leadership, teamwork, etc.
It's a bit pointless for me to talk about the textbook stuff that we'll all learn;
and then, it's kind of inappropriate to again talked about all the stuff every blog post have mentioned.

The ten day course was really challenging.
it challenged all of us physically, mentally and emotionally.
I feel proud of myself that I'm able to overcome my limits to seek for the better;
and I felt proud opf my group that we're always there for one another.

One my my group member, Ray, once mentioned,
"People said that the sky is our limit, and we have to overcome it. And yet, if the sky is our limit, who discovered Space?"

I always thought that everything has a limit to it;
be it negative or positive.
But I would say, the human potential has no limits at all.
The only limit is ourselves- how much we want to do, how much we're willing to do, that's our limit.

There's still a lot, a lot more that I learned from this course, other than this;
but I'll rather choose to share them with myself.
I believe that only those who have went through and seen through shall understand the wisdom behind every little life lesson learnt there;
these experiences are not something that a Tom, Dick or Harry could understand.

I found friends, I found my shortcomings, I found a new self.

And perhaps, by leaving home I found that feeling of home.

It's really very, very enriching.
And it totally changed me.
As what they said, "Bound for discovery, Changed for life."
All that I've went through taught me to cherish every little thing I have.
Including you guys that are reading this (:

So, another unforgettable adventure has come to an end.
And now, I wonder when shall the next one begins.

Another adventure to begin

There's still some time before I need to prepare for my departure,
so I guess maybe I'll just say a few words here.
After all, it's a good 10 days that this blog is going to be dead;
perhaps this little post here could keep it surviving for 10 days?

It's another adventure to begin soon;
like the past, it's one with strangers.
It might be some challenge for me this time;
relying on strangers to survive for 10 days, unlike the past which is barely a week.

Everytime I got to rely on people I don't know,
it forms a special kind of bond between us.
A that would be the closest ever, not even lovers or family could overtake;
but usually a short one to go.
We shall have a common aim to achieve, which is what that keeps us united;
but once this aim is achieved, the bond starts to fade.

I don't know what kind of people I'll meet this time round;
neither what kind of event, what kind of danger, what kind of challenge...
All I knew that this is going to be a brand new experience.
And perhaps, I can learn something great out of all these at the end.

There's still some confusion within my heart-
somehow or rather, I'm not very sure whether I'm ready for this adventure.
But looking at the preparation work I've done all along,
I believe that it's worth giving a a go, after all.

It's always the hardest to bade goodbye everytime,
goodbye from the secluded life, goodbye from the simple routine,
to face something new and stranger.
At this point of time I'm not very sure what qualities I'll bring back,
but I know for sure, I'll miss you guys even more,
and to cherish you all even more when I return.

Clear-mind or confused, I still have to give it a go.
Perhaps, I'll come back tougher, quieter, who knows.

有感

最近老是闷在家里，很少跟外界接触；
从而也失去了不少写作的灵感，一些写作的启发。
每天独自一人在家，早上睁开眼睛，
除了吃喝玩乐，好像也没有其他事情可做。

眼看假期还剩下最后几个礼拜，
也真想去做一些较有意义的事，不要再虚度光阴。
不过，想想看，自己出了门，能做哪一些事？

很少有人约我出去；自然而然养成了喜欢呆在家里的“好习惯”。
每天在家读读书、看看戏，舞文弄墨的，好不自在。
这种没有压力、没有太大起伏的生活，的确过得很平稳。
秀才不出门，能知天下事；每天在家读读报章，看看新闻，也有一番滋味。

不过，人也不能因此而满足于现状嘛。

但是，除了呆在家里舞文弄墨，也不知道要做哪些事来打发时间。

可是，我也蛮喜欢这种与世隔绝，独自一人的生活。

倘若以后有那个机会，我真要过那种隐居的生活；
隐居于深山中，与世隔绝，自力耕生。
在大自然中聆听大自然的声音；多了一份宁静，少了一份吵杂。
不问红尘俗事，只愿孤独一人，随心所欲。

世界的东西看得太多了，只想去找一个不见炊烟的地方，闭关修炼。

能够这样过一世人，也心甘情愿。

真想逃离这个闹市，逃离残酷的红尘之地。

还真想要过一个与世隔绝的生活啊。

反差

世间万物，命运并非自身决定；
世间万事，冥冥之中有注定。
七分人坚持，三分天注定；
谋事在人，成事在天。
万事发生并非巧合，也非人算；
世事难料，唯有天公的算盘打得最响。

何事发生并有其因；
荣华富贵、穷困潦倒，都是命中注定。
但红尘俗事只不过是过眼云烟；
真正的长寿处于一生中的领悟，
真正的长命在于一生中的看开。

家财万贯、两袖清风，虽为命中注定；
富贵穷困，皆为天之安排，天赐之挑战。
一生富贵皆要人看开红尘，寻找精神上的富有。
一生穷困皆要人排除万难，越挫越勇；
正如俗语曰“吃的苦中苦，方为人上人”。

但非一切都是天命所在，
种种难关为生命中的劫数；
走的路、接触的事物，还是由个人决定。
走的是阳光大道还是独木小桥，主义在于个人。

人生短短数十年，命中挑战不计其数。
是否能够从中领悟真理，还是一生懵懵懂懂，全在于自己。
是天的磨练，还是天的不平，完全在于自己的见解。
命中劫数也不过如此，过一个算一个；
但要从中了解多少个道理，这全靠自己的悟性。

人往高处走，水往低处流。
有的人一生失败，毫无成就；
不过其所经历的困苦能让其成为人中之龙。
爬得越高，跌得越重；站得越低，头上的天空更为宽阔。
处于一个卑微的姿态，并非认命；与世无争，并非认输。

当一个人有那个阔气放下俗事的一切时，
他也已经看破红尘了。

人之所以卑微，是天公给于机会，让人看到尊贵。

人之所以高傲，是天公给于机会，让人寻找真正的自己。

万千劫数，并非老天不平，天命所归；

倘若要放弃的时候，请君切记：
吃的苦中苦，方为人上人！

Welcome To My Life

有时，觉得自己对这世界有很多怨恨。
到底是自己做得不够好，还是世界就是如此不公平？
对许许多多的事，不是大彻大悟，就是心灰意冷。
对那些已经放下、看开的东西，
是因为觉悟而放下，还是因为长久的失败而放下？

“你不是一条鱼，有何能体验到鱼的快乐，鱼的痛苦？”
我不是他人，无法真真正正体验其他人的苦衷；
他人亦不是我，有何能了解我的有苦难言？

人家常说当局者迷，旁观者清；
可我却觉得，自己的处境，自己的体验，自己的经历，唯有自己最清楚。
那种缺乏物质享受、缺乏精神支柱的生活，叫人如何了解？

有的人说我是小题大做；我说，是他们无法了解我的感受。
有的人说我想得太多；我说，是他们看得太轻。
有的人说我疑心太重；我说，是他们没有注意。

仿佛之间，失去了所有生活的意义，所有坚持的理由；
剩下的，只是破碎的梦、迷糊的视线、欲哭而无泪。
忽然看开那一些让自己向前冲的理想，留下的只是一堆遗憾；
那些破碎的憧憬，让人觉得生活忽然之间黯淡无光。
疲惫的身、麻木的心、还有那欲哭无泪；不知道，自己还要为何而冲刺。

一切的经历太多、一切的战败、一切的坚持。。。
难道最终，只不过是一场空？

那高傲的霸气已不再，那自信的憧憬已落空；
剩下的，唯有我独自一人，站在茫茫人海之中，不知去向。

踏过的荆棘密布让我伤痕累累，前方，亦然黯淡无光；
不知去向的我，不知要如何再战天下，也不知前方有何挑战；
甚至是否还有毅力坚持到最后，自己也不清楚。

不过，眼前的种种难关，还是要克服的。

再艰难的旅途，也有一个终点。

有时想问自己，究竟那条出路，那条指引自己走出浓雾的路，到底在哪里。

其实，路，就在脚下。

误会

我不知道我这一生中，和多少的人有了多少的误会；
也不知道因为多少的误会，令我犯了多少的错。
不知道是哪里的沟通出了问题，还是人家误解了我的意思。

我一直在想，我这生中是否有很多的东西，
因为误会了人家，还是让人家误会了我，因此造成许多过错和错过？
有很多的东西，就是因为彼此之间的误会，导致一个无法挽回的地步。

自己不擅于他人沟通，因此很多时候都会闹出一些小误会；
可就是这些小误会，慢慢变成大误会，在生命中有某种程度的变化；
不知道误会让我错过了多少的良机、让我错过了多少的良缘；
不知道误会让我损坏了多少的友情、让我失去了多少的朋友。
也不知道误会到底让我错过了多少的缘分，是否错过那一个命中注定。

我不擅于沟通，因此闹出了很多的误会。
有的误会让我获益不浅；让我看到了许许多多的真相。
有的误会，却使我失去了很多东西；失去一些应该是属于自己的东西。

因为一时的误会，因而永远错过了许多的人与物，是在很遗憾。

我时常在想，如果当时没由这些沟通上的问题、没有这些大小误会；
今天的一切，是否会不会完全不同？
今天的一切，是否会留下许多遗憾吗？

如今，误会夺取了我许许多多的东西。
要怪，只能怪自己。

如果，我是说如果，当时你没有对我有那么深的误会，
今天的一切，是否截然不同？
如果，我是说如果，当时你们没有对我怀有那么多的不满，
今天的生活，是否依旧如常？

如果，当时没有了这些“误会”，
是否依然还只是朋友？

现在说这些，也不能挽救那些过错、错过；
我只想，以后再也不要有误会，再也不要有遗憾。

给人的误会太多太多；
泪，也流得太多太多。

看来，应该少说一些话，就少一点误会吧。

One more month...

Hell yeah, it's the start of December.
This means in four weeks time I'll be back in school;
on another perspective, this means I wasted one month away.
Well, I just realised I wasted November away,
on homework, sleeping, watching TV...etc.
Perhaps I should really get out of the house in the month of December,
and play till the max before school reopens.

Have been very unproductive these days;
the daily routine goes by with TV, books, and sleep.
For a moment of time I spent five good days at home,
without stepping one foot out of the house.
This explains my lack of inspiration to write good essays nowadays;
this time, I'm blogging in English because I don't know what to blog in Chinese.

And really I should get the month starting real right.
One has just went by; and soon, another day too-
I think I shouldn't be wasting anymore time by staying at home.

Real adventure needs to start;
to get all the adrenaline pumping for a good year ahead.

Hadn't been thinking about much things at home;
the lack of interaction between fellow human,
plus the lack of interaction with the outside world makes one an introvert.
I used to think and ponder a lot on various stuff; from philosophy to politics.
Maybe thinking too much is one of the reason that gets me too emotional,
but not thinking at all make my mind somewhat rusty;
I got stuck in writing the three 1000 word essay for my Chinese book review.

Yea, maybe I should go out and seek some real inspiration during this month.
To get back the lost inspiration, to earn some new experience, I don't know.
I have a small social circle- don't even know who to ask out, and what to do.
And the rainy December discourage me from most outdoor activities,
so perhaps for some time later I still have to stay indoors.

Looking at the way I'm spending my holidays,
I wonder how are my acquaintances and my classmates doing.
Seeing people uploading tons of photos up on facebook,
sent this 'what the fish are you doing' message up to my brain.
Maybe I should really get a life, and stop being a couch potato;
the inspiration at home is used up.

A few weeks back I'm thinking that if I rushed all my homework,
then perhaps I can space out much time for entertainment.
Now, having 80% of the homework done,
there's this empty feeling everyday; no more homework is there to entertain me.

Lacking all that experience and inspiration,
maybe there's this point whereby I'll lost all my skills for writing.

But I'm just wondering other than that few friends,
who else will ask me out for some fun and joy.

I've told myself to f*ck care the academics,
and to seek adventure, fun, danger and love during this holiday.
At the rate I'm going, maybe I've to concede defeat once again.

Wait, I still have four weeks left.

November ended, but there's still one month to go.
For those who hadn't been touching any work, get started right NOW.

And for those couch potato like me..
yea, get a life.