oh yeah :D

i guess it's just when all the judgments comes too early.
well, drastic changes after school reopen.
first off was the class' seating arrangement.
pretty like that. kinda good. for me? yea.
and also some of our teachers.
Mr Daniel Chew.
sadist, monotone, suspect to be previous NSF Platoon Sergeant.
his methods just reminds me of how i torture my peng-kia.
one word: SADISTIC.

okay, so let's cut the crap and skip to the last part of the day.
Part B Platoon Sergeant.
does that sounds nice?
you know, in a class where all the CCA heads gather,
you do feel kinda out-of-sight when you're not your CCA head.
but who cares.
i got the biggest faction in NCC under my orders.
somemore the AIC is ChangJun.
what about a 27/29 2SG for the Part Bs next year when they graduate from spec course?

i don't know why,
but i just feels exceptionally attracted to this post.
first off, i deem this as one of the three most important post in NCC.
training the next generations of leaders.
just imagine, when you see your kids graduating with first class honours,
then getting a good job in the society.
it's around that feeling.
next year, seeing how these men turning into heroes,
achieving honours after honours.
i just can't wait to see them fly.

and my job, is to teach them how to fly.

pretty upset that their provisional OIC left them in a mess.
well, no matter what, i'm going to clean the shit,
and bring them back to the 'good old days',
when Martin used to make them do arm exercises.
"liddat nice, or liddat nice? liddat right?"
for those who understand what i'm saying.

and everything's settled;
we are opening a new chapter of the book.
oh, sorry, writing a new chapter.
i find my job more interesting:
teaching the next generation,
how to write the next chapter after us.

End of an Adventure, a Beginning of Another

well, the holidays are going to end off just like that.

one month of rest.
well, technically speaking it should be one month of fun.
one month is a lot of time.
a lot to meet people,
a lot to gain experiences,
a lot to change a person.
it just seem like holidays just started yesterday, and are ending today;
but i can't deny that i had a lot of fun through this one month.

one month change me.
from a cadet i turned into a specialist.
from a meek person i turned into one craving for adventure.
from a person badly battered by circumstances,
i revert back to who i am in the past.

well, through this one month i met a lot of people,
each leaving me with different memories and experiences.
i met those who render help to those they never knew before,
i met those who are eager to teach their knowledge to the next generations;
i met hypocrites who viewed profit more valuable than anything,
i met brothers who sworn their lives upon one another.

not just only a month of rest,
it's a month of adventure and learning.
maybe through this one month there's time which i wasted,
but i must say, i played hard through the season.

and soon, this adventure is going to end.
and a new one is starting tomorrow.
sometimes, we do hope that good things never end.
but if the old things and incidents don't pass,
how are new adventures going to arrive?

i must admit that i dread the feeling of going back to class.
but soon i'll officially start my career as a specialist.
and at that time...i just hopes everything turns out well.

so, what's next?

Dream Big

many times in life,
we do lose our true selves.
after a series of defeat in this dog eat dog society,
we lost all our innocence,
all the purity we had at the start,
when we started to step into the outside world,
hoping to make an achievement.

as the years passed,
we met a lot of people,
we came through a lot of situations,
we gained many different experiences.
some encourage us to go on,
some discourage us to pursue.
many lessons we learn through them-
yes all of them are beneficial,
but we can't guarantee they will ensure us a smooth journey.

the price for maturity is always understanding.
understanding the cruel reality,
understanding how gruesome the society could be.
and all our innocence and purity,
brought out as kids,
were all sacrifice in the making of maturity.

in that case, all the hopes we brought out as teens and youngsters,
were sacrifice too.

"but if you don't dream big, what's the use in dreaming..."

no matter if it will be coming true, or not;
let's make it a big one.
after all at the end,
it's just a thought.

life wouldn't be perfect without them.

no matter what circumstances.
no matter who stands in your way.
no matter when you developed it.
no matter where you're going to take action.
no matter which path you're taking.

and no matter how you're going to achieve.

DREAM BIG .

an attempt.

today is a nice, good day;
training was nice, everything was nice.
had a fun time drilling and teaching the Part A;
as well as a fun time spent with my mates.
the time in training, the prata time, the time at LAN...
sometimes, i wonder if the bond is still kept strong,
even after the end of holiday trainings,
which pulled each and everyone of us closer to each other.

today i found a problem giving me headache;
is about my mate.

sometimes, i just wonder how much could power and greed change a person.
i must say, if i am to find the best example in my whole secondary school life,
to depict the change of how much power and greed could change a person;
then i believe this brother of mine serves as the best example.

he used to be low profile in the previous struggles,
keeping low and hidden;
until the grandmaster lost trust in all his aide-de-camp,
and he decides to use this brother of mine.

given with high responsibilities,
his career path was no doubt smoother than all of us.
i must say it's just like a slide;
smooth and your ass wouldn't burn.
hence, he was deem as the successor of all.
even i, the defeated one,
lost hope in vying for the throne,
and hailed him the king.

but certainly the story just wouldn't end here.

i saw how this brother of mine got head-swollen with the great powers in his hands;
soon, he became somewhat a bit of proud that he took nothing into his eyes;
deeming himself as the supreme leader.
with that mentality in mind,
he couldn't accept any other person having a fair challenge with him:
"challenge for what?" he would say.

looks like he's taking my old path.

of course, we as brothers do feel sad when this kinda things happen.
someone who we hailed as king;
if he gets too cocky and lost all his morals,
this just means that we are losing the gamble and never getting our capital back.

hence we decided a lesson is to be taught in place.
to see how he react.

of course, things went out as we expected it to be;
frustrated, feeling unfair, the 'what the siao' attitude.

though he got quite a shitty provisional appointment,
but today he did play a big part in training the unit.

so the moral of the whole incident was like,

1) we hope that you wouldn't be swollen up with that power.
2) we want you to realise everyone matters- no matter what their rank and post is.
3) this is a democratic society.

the third point might be kinda amusing,
but i think all the efforts that we put in to shape is well being...
well hopefully we do bear the right fruits of labour.
if not, everything just dies out.

i even gamble my brotherhood in this attempt to help my brother.

sometimes, when you just see too much of these stuff,
you do get a bit bored of it.
but me, being revered after so many shit i went through,
has never seen a man 'progressing' at such a fast speed.

hopefully he do learn.

if not our efforts are wasted.

hearing the masses

so i was randomly surfing on youtube,
and i chance upon this MV.
well, i do not waste time on youtube,
doing stuffs like mwatching korean MVs and learning those dances;
instead, i look for substance,
because i believe everything has substance in it.

very inspirational, i must say.
i bet there must be millions out there who prayed to the Goddess of Mercy;
yet unsure of her(his?) duties upon the Earth.

a brief introduction about Goddess of Mercy;
well, this deity has the power of looking and hearing the masses of the world;
their wishes, their woes, their pleas.
we can define her duties literally from her name:
guanshiyin, technically speaking, means 'listening to the world'.

it was passed down upon generations that She uses her abilities to help the masses;
hence, She is one of the most revered deity in Buddhism,
as well as Taoism.
the divine powers of the Goddess attracted so much followers,
that it turn out that she appears in cross-culture;
from Mahayana Buddhism to Taoism, and even Japanese and Thai Buddhism.

many families in Singapore has an altar at home;
which most families prayed to the Goddess of Mercy.

i'm just wondering if the Goddess could hear the voices of the masses in this world.

in a world full of turbulence,
we do need spiritual help in order to keep a peace of a mind.
i believe that the teachings of the Goddess is a good alternative for all.

whenever you do have troubles or problems;
look up in the skies,
put your palms together and pray to the Goddess.
perhaps Her powers could reach you.

衣食同享 铁血同当

really had a nice time at NCC today.
well, was the provisional USM;
but i put more focus on my Part A juniors today.
had a fun time drilling them with CJ, Eric, Kah Chee, Jon, Minghan and Ken.
well, fret not, they did not suffer.
they're smiling all the way till the end.

i've never seen such prosperity today.
the high cooperation between the Part C,
and the high standard given by the Part A;
all these was what i've see when i'm doing my job today.
how i really wished everything would stay this way.
everyone, filled with respect and discipline,
helping one another out,
making NCC a more enjoyable place for all.

i'm just wondering if we're to put away things such as fame, power, rank...
everything would just turns out so much simpler, and better.
being one who have gone through the ordeal;
and now, looking at how my mate drown himself in fame and authority given...
it just hurts my heart when i see that humanity has to give way for vices.

衣食同享 铁血同当.
saw this quote on a hong kong drama serial;
one that talks about security guards,
operation procedures very similar to uniformed groups.
how i wish NCC would be the same.
everyone sharing joy and honour together;
and helping one another in times of trouble.

i would say that the roder of hierarchy is what that keeps a UG running;
but sadly, it is always the same thing that pulls everyone apart.
we are drifting away, further and further from each other;
all because the insignias on our sleeves varies.

if one day ZHNCC would become the ideal state i'm mentioning now;
then, it doesn't matter if we're a bronze, silver or gold unit.
because at that point of time,
we've achieved the standard of a best unit.

sometimes it's kinda sad in life;
whatever that keeps something going,
will be what that stops something from moving in the end.
the order of hierarchy kept NCC going,
but yet, it is what that led it towards decline.

if everyone could understand all these.

衣食同享 铁血同当.

Rock, Satan, Humans.

"shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice..."
i must say, Bon Jovi never fails to impress me all the times;
their style, their songs, their lyrics.
some of their songs have beautiful, inspirational lyrics;
'It's My Life', 'Have A Nice Day', 'I Am'...
these are really songs for the heart,
which are written and sung by heart.
sometimes these songs becomes my chicken soup;
they never fail to cheer me to move along with life everytime i fail.
especially the song 'It's My Life',
it gives a person the will to fight for tomorrow.

many of these rock songs are often linked with Satanism and devil itself;
true enough, there are certain Rock singers who worshiped Satan,
and their songs are usually sung to praise Satanism.
for moments in the past i would wonder why so many people dabble with Satanism;
but until today, only have i realised something:
these teens did not dabble with Satanism,
Satan dabbled them itself.

Rock songs are noted as a good form of cheering;
the hard lyrics and beats are something that gives the mental will its power.
usually teens that comes from broken homes, bad situations;
such as life failures, social outcast, are usually attracted to such music.

many finding internal peace would see Rock as a form of 'rubbish';
but those looking for self-justification worshiped Rock music.

in the 21st century in which love is becoming more and more like a game,
and humans are getting further and further away from God;
many still sing songs to praise both Love and Lord.

but those who failed the harsh competition,
and are about to extinct,
would always turn to the door that lack of followers: Satanism.

many wouldn't have dabble with occult just for fun and thrill;
sometimes, it's a form of self-justification,
at the times when Lord has already decides His own winner.

i might not be a Satanist,
but i couldn't deny the fact how Rock music attract me deeply;
it's inspirational lyrics, it's hard beats, it's beautiful melody.

when the world is becoming darker and darker,
more and more victims of the rat race would just turn to the Dark Side.
by the time when lord has lost all its powers,
and Buddha's teachings are never being revered;
who is there for us to blame?

us, humans, who created the rat race ourselves.

i visited the LaVey Satanism website for a couple of times;
reading its Satanic rules just tells me how sinful humans are incompetent to be good Satanist,
which focus a lot on moral justice and equality.

the most evil of this universe, galaxy, would be the human race;
i don't know about aliens out there,
but i now fellow humans can kill each other out of greed and lust.

when the world is becoming darker and darker,
and Lord is doing nothing at all,
but 'playing' his creation via earthquakes and tsunamis;
those who failed the rat race would always look for a better place on this earth.

there they found Rock Music,
something that is dark,
something used to praise Satan.

but not as dark as the hearts of the humans.

brotherhood

somehow OBS injected another feeling into me too.
it's the kind of honour and glory you feel as a team member;
especially when you're a soldier.
you don't glorified the victories and kills in the battlefield,
but you honour the brotherhood and trust with your mates.

having your survival connected to certain people really taught me trust and brotherhood.
it's just a mere five days, but we are closer than blood brothers.
reason why?
we are the only ones that can keep each other surviving.

i believe certain times we should really put in such values into urban life.
things like doing project work, things like playing sports.
we do really have to play our part; not just be a slacker.
at times, when we are in a group,
our small actions could usually result in big consequences.

i watched a lot of war movies;
modern warfare or medieval warfare,
a lot, a lot of different stories.
all taught me none but one value that is most important in life:
brotherhood.

that is a kind of feeling which develops when certain man have their own survival being linked to some other men,
and when the other men do something that helps to push forward the survival of this certain man,
a special bond is formed.
it is a bond where we put our lives, trust, and almost everything on.

throughout my life, i met a lot of people;
acquaintances, friends, good friends, enemies, buddies, and brothers.
so many, so many.
i don't know how many i could really call them brother;
but as far as i know,
deep down in my heart,
Nigel, Ryan, Medic, they are the ones that i 500% can call brothers.

because we survived deep shit together.

and for something random.
i only shed tears in two situations;
one, which is a situation i need to do in order to save lives;
two, watching a war movie.

because brotherhood between man of different bloods taught me something well.

something.

Outward Bound

back from 5 days of OBS.
maybe i should write a story about it.
or not?

Day 0
arrived at HQ NCC and met joel, jenq horng and lexus.
and then we spent the night together in the MPH,
with creepy crawlies around us,
and also ants flying towards the light.
lexus had a fun time burning the ants,
and then we talked all sorts of shit to the morning.

Day 1
woke up in the morning,
and we had a super sumptuous breakfast.
fried rice vermicelli and fried chicken wings.
how better could life get after this?
but we do know that there is more than it meets the eye.
i would say that was the last proper meal i ate before OBS.

took a bus to the jetty,
and then a ferry to OBS in Pulau Ubin.
i quickly made new friends there-
nigel, ryan, and yuk chi who we address as 'Medic' as he was the watch's medic.
the first day was pretty simple.
we just had some time loading stuff,
and then introduced to the OBS camp.
creepy crawlies were everywhere;
and in the first day the whole course already had a man down.

the first night was kind of shit,
which we're suppose to sleep in this tent pitched in the jungle.
due to the hot weather,
the four of us stripped ourselves to the waist,
and had a cooling and sound night.

Day 2
we had this expedition thingy today,
which is supposed to last for 3 day 2 night.
it's not a simple expedition;
it's a f**king SEA EXPEDITION.
the plan was simple for the second day:
we are to kayak to Coney Island,
then to Pasir Ris Beach.

this day went passed fast with all the shit moments we spent in the sea.
by the time we reached mainland the sun was already setting.
so, a day just ended with much sea activities.

pasir ris beach, my house is just so near;
yet it seems so far.
Medic had his way of doing things.
he sneaked home, took a shower(which none of us had a chance to),
and then smuggled outside food in.
his parents and dog even came to visit him at that night. epic.

Day 3
the third day of the whole course and second day of expedition;
the instructors tortured us by making us wear one set of wet attire for the expedition.
so, we changed from our sleeping attire into our wet, salty long-sleeved shirt.
it was damn disgusting.
somemore we had a longer distance to kayak today.
yesterday was around 5km.
today is around 27km.
epic shit baby.

i believe that this was the day which Orchard Road flooded;
likewise, our fleet met an enormous storm,
and the expedition was half screwed.
all of us had to stand in the rain;
cold, hungry and tired.

nevertheless we manage to make it to our destination after the rain stopped.
and likewise, we pitched our tents there for the night.
that was when the four of us had our little swear-in ceremony;
we stripped naked in our tents.

Day 4
early in the morning we kayak back to Pulau Ubin;
and then, the activities which followed were kinda slack.
high elements; i did most of the belaying for the climbers.
and we had to pitched our tents in the forest again. haish.

Day 5
finally we get to go home.
tears and goodbyes filled us.
well, it just seem so fast that everything ended.

this 5 day course might sound easy as mentioned above;
but for those who never stepped into OBS before,
you wouldn't know the shit going on.
malnutrition food, unhygienic sleeping environment, one set of clothes for three days, no bathing for three days, kayaking for more than 30km and for hours...

i went into OBS a man,
and i came out a hero.
i must say, the shit out there horned me well.
suddenly you learn to appreciated the toilet you have at home;
while kayaking, we soiled and pee in our pants.

bread and canned food taught us how to appreciated whatever we ate at home.
i must say, conditions in OBS taught us to cherish whatever we have.

but most importantly,
the life lessons taught in OBS was so much different.
not just only leadership skills, but also other life skills that could come into use for life.
i must say it's so much better than the survival course.

sometimes, when we stepped out of the classroom,
we learn so much more than what we learn indoors.

500th post

another day full of haste like yesterday.
got to pack stuff for OBS,
and then also try to complete my homework,
which i deem as impossible.
well, 5 days of adventure and enjoyment;
in return you get lesser time to do work.
it's a bit worthwhile,
after all, no pain no gain right?

got my feet to bishan library to do the geog project today.
and then i saw koh chin there. wow.
well, i really like the way my team members do things.
efficient, on the dot.
things just goes out well when people tend to work with one another.
hmm, today i saw a real life example. haha.

so now i'm spending my remaining hours towards OBS,
doing work, playing com, packing bag.
sometimes i tend to think of things when i'm alone.
in the midst of doing mathematics,
when you just want to stop and chill for a while;
having a cup of drink in your hand,
you tend to wonder much about life.

wonder positively, i must say.

perhaps it's all the times i spend alone make me strong.
no, it IS these times that make me strong.
certain times when you have to depend on yourself.
if not, everything fails.

i seem to be a bit more cheerful and happy during the holidays.
sad to say, it is because i'm seeing my classmates less often.
well, sometimes i just want to keep the upbeat feeling going on.
but at a certain point of time it got to stop.

even though i've got a pile of work undone,
sometimes it just never get onto my mind really.
giving the callous or the 'heck care' attitude towards it.
i find myself being callous with so much things in life nowadays.
when you just loss much passion for everything;
after seeing the ugly side of things and you're enlightened.
sometimes, when you tend to view things in another way,
a lot of problems are no more problems.
problems only arises when you treat them as problems.

nothing seems to keep me going on for life.
chasing the dreams that failed me,
chasing the targets i've yet to achieve,
chasing back the friends, mates, brothers that deserted me.

i find myself becoming more like a living machine,
which is switch on only for on purpose:
seeing the sunrise and sunset in each day.

sometimes when your existence is ignore,
you tend to feel less and less important in this world...
and tend to back out of everything;
because they don't really need you.

happily ever after, the fairytale says.
what about the orcs, imps and barbarians defeated?

i'll create my very own world.
my very own world to shelter these that has been defeated by the cruel reality.
i call it my world.
i call it our 'happily ever after'.

walking in the rain

today i went to school; not much for a purpose,
but to return my no. 1 uniform.
and then had some little chats with my mates,
and then some 'light snacks' at the coffeeshop opposite school.

and then i went home.

it was drizzling a bit during late morning today;
i sat in the bus, having my earpieces on,
and inspirational songs came cheering into my ears.
i couldn't hold myself to think back about something.
something that my mates and i were talking about.
our post and appointments.

it would be rather fine for me to be appointed any appointments;
somehow or rather, my life as a cadet ended long ago.
today i didn't have much expectations in NCC;
just a simple A1 for my CCA grade would get me laughing sneakily.
sabotaged, ruined, deposed...
life just couldn't be worse than this.

i watched how various of my friends get to experience leadership early;
getting appointments in their CCAs,
some the monitor board, others the student council.
looking back at myself, i am none.
certain times i try to console myself by saying,
'hey look! you have powerful connections in school!
eugene's the unit head, and your neighbour's the president...'

but i just can't deny the fact that i failed.

sometimes, i just looked at how many people get to play their field of talent;
school sometimes gave them chances to portray their skills.
and look at the gal talking about dreams on my tagboard.
the school invite her to be the emcee of events all the time.
i am all, but none.

its just pretty unlucky and sad.
your only dreams get thrashed,
your only chances got seized,
and you don;t get any other more chances.
sometimes we say life is kinda unfair.
yes, it is.

i don't have talents.
i don't have skills.
i don't have chances.

i don't have much friends.
i don't have the sweet bitter taste every teen have.
i don't have.

and i can't expect myself to tap my shoulder again,
and say,
'at least i still have you.'

i decided.
this time, i'm gonna make it big.
no matter what happen, or any objections;
i'll let the river flow my way.

if i am not getting a good start since young,
then i might as well stop talking about all the targets i have.

walking in the rain,
with techno music blasting out of my earpieces,
i have no umbrella, no raincoat;
i stomp my feet on the puddles of water,
i marched through the pelting rain.
i, am the king.

dreams

another typical holiday;
today i'm gonna spend the time playing, doing some work.
and i have tuition tonight. haha.
i have not been turning up for two weeks.
miss all the jokers back there.

and yesterday night i kept thinking about one word,
and this word kept repeating in my mind.
well, i guess this word might be the most important word every life needs.
dream.

so dream. all of us do have dreams, right?
we have things we feel like achieving,
we have targets we feel like striking down.
and everyday, we keep thinking about them.
and of course, this thinking process is call dreaming.

so everyday we visualise the outcomes of these targets.
we dream everyday. and we also visualise about achieving these targets.
we dream our dreams.

throughout the process of life,
everyone do fight for the lofty dreams they had in their heart.
be it attaining a certain profession,
be it being together with a certain person;
we do our very best to make them come true.
and in the tough journey of life,
it is always all the outcomes of our dreams that keeps us walking;
we visualise the outcomes of a dream coming true at the end of the journey.

but i must say, many times life isn't so smooth sailing.
we watch movies, we watch drama serials;
they have people whose dreams came alive,
and they live on happily ever after.
well, those were the stories fabricated by those whose dreams crushed and plunged.

out of every hundred man you can find on the streets,
how many can you expect to have their dreams coming true?
in the tough process of life,
the chasing of a personal desire usually arouse competitions.
all the dreams, they become interconnected;
when one dream came true, another fell.

i do have dreams. i was once a dreamer.
but my dreams fell, crushed, plunged.
i ended up a failure.

the price of humanity to pay for dreams coming true is high.
for every successful person,
there is always ten failures, defeated, standing behind him.
dream is no longer a personal business.
dream is now a competition.

those who failed, some returned to reality;
living the lives of servants and slaves,
no longer having the ability to achieve the past dreams.
some others, continued to live in their very own illusion;
and wasted a life dreaming an impossible dream.

well, if the consequences were so terrible,
then why people went on dreaming,
knowing that they have failed,
or the dream is impossible?

because dreams served as adrenaline for lives;
it helped people to go on with life.

not all of us can achieved great things in life,
but certainly all of us can dream about great things in life.
sometimes, dreaming of a past dream, walking for a while in illusion,
helps to push one forward in the harsh reality.
once a person said this to me,
"It doesn't really matter if your dreams come true or not.
After all, it's just a dream!
Life, however, still goes on!"

a bit sad, but this is how life suppose to be.

watching how my dreams plunge to the valleys,
watching how they could never rise again;
sadly, i could only just go on with life.
frequently i do dream these dreams again,
giving me an adrenaline of life to go on whenever i felt tired.

in the mountains and forest,
some beautiful flowers bloom colourfully,
attracting the attention of all insects.
but how many trees and grasses stood,
being ignored, being left out.

morning!

woke up, feels afresh.
today is another day, another holiday;
unlike the past few days,
i don't have much activities for today.

so i started by my by going out for a walk,
and a quiet place for breakfast.

i sat down and thought.
thought of how have i been spending my holidays.
the past week was spec course,
and i had yesterday for another event.
so perhaps, today i should get my ass down and get some work cracking.

well, i've been thinking about how nice are the holidays.
yes i do miss some of my classmates and school;
but then, having some alone time at home,
to me it is so much more better.

rather than facing all the shit back in school.

leading a 'half military' life during the holidays;
for most of the time,
i'm either donning my camouflage uniform,
or be involved in certain military activities.
well, for academic slack time,
CCA arises. you start to get busy with events.
so generally, students don't really get much rest in a year;
except perhaps for the last two weeks of december.

sat down and think.
besides thinking about how to set time away for various holiday activities,
i'm just thinking about some lessons i learn in life,
some people i met in life,
and also some memories i had in this life.
i must say at certain times i'm sort of sentimental.
these times, i look back more than i look forward.

thought of the happy times i had last year.
thought of my childish days back in secondary one.
and thought of her; though i felt nothing anymore.
that was just bad memories; bad ones that follows you for life.

and i do like to sit down and visualise.
visualise about both good and bad stuff.
recently all the illusions i had, or the thoughts i'm thinking about,
had many of them coming true.
turning into reality.
there was this time i was thinking about me failing my GSK.
the next day i had my 'cookie' incident.
and then some other stuff that is to private to be mentioned.
but now i'm thinking of me as the part A OIC.
what's next?

so now, i back to the state.
the state whereby you have no desires for power,
no desires for lust, greed, everything.
you just want everything to go slowly.
let me enjoy this holiday.

sometimes, not everything in life is about attaining and winning.

IKEA :D

wow! it was a hard day at ikea.
i wonder which National Cadet Corps cadet have much chance to wear a no 1.
wearing a no. 1 is no big deal,
but what about wearing one for carpark duty?
now that is something fresh.
and we did it today ._.

and then we met in school first,
and then went to IKEA Tampines for our duty.
wah, guard carpark wearing no. 1.
fresh new stuff people.

and of course we did spam a lot of pictures.
a lot which i choose not to disclose here, haha.
formal ones, candid ones, gl ones....
i saw you today. wanted to take one with you.
but thinking about it... i better not.
you walked past me, i wanted to ask you so.
but then... i think, let's forget about the idea.

and when everything ended,
i went up to the cafeteria and get myself stuffed ._.
well, the chicken was nice :D
and so i went home after that.

well, time is really passing by too fast.
sometimes, fun times seem to pass by.
what is left is all the beautiful memories.
play hard and cherish everything during the fun times.
but yet, i never grab the opportunity to do something...

time is really passing by fast.
next week is OBS.
let's get the ball rolling for a hardcore training.

oncoming bullets

well, tomorrow's monday;
i have an activity going on.

already i smell gunpowder in the coming of the activity.
well, the aftermath of the 'Sergeants' Night Out' incident.
another war is going on.
but this time round, i'm not the one fighting.
i'm the supporter; a supporter of justice.

military, military.
it's either a war with the enemies of different uniform;
fighting for honour, fighting for glory;
ore fighting among oneselves who wore the same uniforms;
fighting for power, fighting for greed.

sometimes, it is just very sad.
sad that how people gets blinded by greed and lust.
blinded by selfishness,
they start to fight their own kind.
and when they start fighting,
all humanity is lost.

i read a story about crocodile;
the king of swamps and rivers.
there is something very interesting about this creature;
the fed on their prey with their mouth,
and they also ferry their children across the river with the same mouth.

in war, we usually had the muzzle of our guns facing the enemies.
but many times in zhonghua NCC,
i see the muzzle facing each other.

i grew tired of all this shit.
fighting for greed, for power.
i told myself once,
'i'll have my dreams destroy for the sake of peace.
and i'll only fight for humanity thereafter.'

seeing how things are going well under koh chin,
i thought sacrifice was well made.
made for goodness.

but now, another war is rising.
rising due to personal greed.
rising due to selfishness.

no way i'll fight again.
i'm left to teach the lessons i learn towards my juniors.
telling them not to walk the very same path that leads me towards destruction.
a war with him; i lost everything.

this time, no more causalities.
no way i'll let him hurt the little ones.

tomorrow. he'll be setting foot onto my territory.
watch out for mines.

a night out

yeap, and we had our very own 'Specialists' Night Out' yesterday.
supposedly there should be more coming;
ken, CJ, eric, ck seah, ervin, kah chee, helmi.
but well, they just couldn't make it somehow.
nevertheless, we'll have a make up for them the next time!

and the night out was fun.
well gals out there, it is NOT like any of your clique outings,
where you all go makan, shopping, play.
well we had a buffet yesterday;
it was kinda terrible.
not the food, but us.
after the first ten minutes,
most of us were down.
even our strongest 'hiongster' daryl.
need to go train up our capacity ._.

and we spent much time doing something stupid;
we were 'counterattacking' calls from a prank caller.
a prank caller who called all five of us ._.
and we are just sort of 'entertaining' him...
me: 'eh i'm having a date leh, and your stupid call spoils it.'
daryl: 'could you just mind your own business...'

and after the buffet dinner,
we went for a stroll along the singapore river for digestion.
sounds kinda gay, but that's what we did.

too much jokes, too much laughter;
i seriously don't know how to put it in words here.
those were the kind of laughter and bond.
one that no one have been so smart or affectionate to create a word to define it.

and by the way, i'm still thinking of the prank caller who spoiled our jokes.
well, he just typically call ALL OF US and our HOUSE,
and asked around where did we go.
to me it's kinda ridiculous and stupid;
when people doesn't want you with them,
then don't go and be a stalker and spoils everyone's mood.
in the first place also don't make everyone hate you.
for people to treat you as a friend,
you have to treat others as a friend as well.

and vice versa for a brother.

many times in life, things might not be revolutionary;
for many who worked hard, hardly did they enjoy their fruits of labour.
but certain things was made revolutionary in the battle of good against evil;
sometimes, how others treat you reflects the attitude you give them.
many wanted this world to be a better place;
everyone being caring, sharing, loving.

but for that to come true,
most of us still have to take our very own initiative;
start loving others first,
so others will love you back.

thanksgiving

and for the whole night of yesterday,
i kept on thinking about something.
still thinking about how grateful should i be for my 'cookie',
thinking about how much NCC have taught me in life.

i must say the life in the military for me was different.
a typical, successful cadet;
one who would achieved a master sergeant rank would be saying things like this:
NCC gave me an experience of military life,
and i gained leadership qualities through many NCC activities...

but i beg differ.
a failure like me;
one whose dreams are thrashed in NCC,
one who's future got sabotaged and nothing is left.
NCC, really, gave me nightmares for certain periods of my life.
i mean, who can tahan the sight;
the sight of you working so hard and being unrecognized,
yet others who slacked got something better than you.
can you tahan this?

nevertheless, NCC taught me something that no one else would teach.
i mean, i understand a lot of those principles of life in NCC.

i remember how i dropped towards the valley of failure everytime;
not getting a promotion in secondary one,
my freestyle drill team got screwed by my assistant,
and now, i almost failed my spec course.
tasting the failure of failing little things that others could achieved easily;
sometimes, you just wonder why life is so harsh on you.

but sometimes life isn't that shit;
if God was to exterminated you,
Satan for sure would close his gates of hell against you.
i met this very good USM who guided me from giving up back back onto enthusiasm,
and then, again my fire for NCC didn't extinguish in secondary two;
heaven gave me rain, and another week to train my drill team,
and thus, everything ended out well.

and yesterday, i mention once more,
someone who i never met before,
made me a specialist.

i must say, NCC didn't taught me leadership skills;
it never taught me how to lead my men,
it never taught me how to live a life of a soldier.

but it did taught me many morals of life;
the preciousness of second chances,
the unimportance of winning,
the importance of unity,
the method of utilising everyone's good points to cover up the bad points.

if things were to go on like this,
i could write my own version of Aesop's fables.

if one day i would become a successful, rich, influential person;
i would credit everything towards NCC.

because by giving me second chances,
NCC taught me to give others a second chance;
because by making me lose,
i understand that there is only a winner when many others lose out by a little bit;
because by making me interact with people of many personalities,
i have learn to be so much more understanding.

NCC groomed many elites of the society,
so many, so many, in many fields and areas.
but then, i believe,
i am the first person that NCC groom;
the first to be beyond civilisation.

gratitude

and the stupid spec course finally ended.
i must say, it was a whole lot of drama for me.

i didn't really learn how to be a leader,
how to lead juniors or be a good specialist at the course.
neither did i got a high rank;
in fact i almost fail my course.

but then, i do learn a great deal of things;
things that mere mortals wouldn't have learn at all.

so, at the graduation ceremony,
i realised that i don't have my 'cookie' in my envelop.
well, a cookie is some kind of badge that qualifies you to be a specialist;
somehow or rather you need it for further promotion.
but the bizarre thing was that my certificate lists that i passed my badge test.
however, my PC and APCs just denied it.

panicked, i seek help from which ever CLTs that came into my sight;
but most were just reluctant to help.
and then ken told me to go to his platoon PC.
well, she tried to help, but had her limits.

then, miracle happened.
this ma'am, who was watching everything,
just came up to me and say,
'come, follow me.'

what came next was the 'cookie' that i yearn for.

i really thanked this ma'am;
a cadet officer who had never, ever interact with me throughout the whole course,
much less any other course.
i must say, she decided my fate;
it wasn't my PC and instructors that made me a specialist.
she, was the one.

a lot of times in life,
chances doesn't comes so easily.
i got this 3SG rank not by hard work,
not by luck, but by chance.
a chance that came up to me.

i could have just fail the course,
and not qualify to be a spec.
but i do get a second chance.
sometimes, not everyone get a second chance.
i gain something that others could easily gain by doing the same thing twice.

i cherish and appreciated what was given to me.

Not everyone gets a second chance.
i never knew that this will happened on me.
but it did. it did.
it told me to cherish things even more.
as a specialist who got his badge by chances,
he will put in more effort than others into his work.

things that came after hard work taste sweet.
but things that came due to a second chance...
they just couldn't stop tears from rolling down your cheeks.

i don't know what other words i could use to portray the feeling i'm having now.
some people gained it so easily.
yet, i gained it so hard.
but i gained it. she helped me.
when all my instructors didn't.

things and chances doesn't come easily.
and through this,
I have learn to cherish everything.

Band of Brothers

two days passed. and i've been screwing around in spec course for two days.
and today i even screwed up my GSK test.
wah, like that sure kena senior Corporal.
to put it in a nicer way, Corporal First Class.
really, spec course was kinda like a nightmare to me.
all the test, the CLTs that scream at you...wah.

but then, i must say that everything still have a good side to it.
met a lot of new friends during spec course.
one whole platoon consisting 50+ people,
what can you really expect?
sometimes you might get into a platoon that you are totally strangers with everyone;
sometimes you just get into a platoon that everyone's background is too different from yours.
so how? all of us have to take a lookout for each other,
no matter which unit we came from,
our race, academic streams, everything.

and because of this, i got very close with so many platoon mates.
starting by forming my little clique,
we went on to become the 'Band of Brothers'.
the biggest, most influential clique in the platoon.
yeap, we're from different schools and different unit.
but we know the definition of 'unity is strength'.

a handshake, a fist slam;
that is what that started brotherhoods that lasted for eras.

sometimes, when i think that i am really going to fail spec course,
i don't have any fear for that.
fear for all the consequences when i really fail.
meeting so many people that i can call brothers in the course,
is already the most fortunate thing that ever happen to me in spec course.
not earning a rank and a cookie;
but one will just earn the respect of his brothers.

my OC told me that,
"Rank is just a piece of cloth. Respect is what you earn."
i saw many RGS and Cedar gals went out to become the Platoon I/C;
and then get hated by the platoon mates.
yes, they'll get a higher rank;
but then, i would rather stay in the platoon ranks,
have a joke and laugh together with my brothers,
and get a lower rank.
earning respect through failing,
rather than gaining hatred through winning.

sometimes, when you reach a certain stage of life,
you'll just realised that winning isn't everything.

sometimes, by losing a bit in life,
you have already won life over by many, many times.

Rank is just a piece of cloth. Award is just a piece of wood. Respect is what you earn.