walking in the rain

today i went to school; not much for a purpose,
but to return my no. 1 uniform.
and then had some little chats with my mates,
and then some 'light snacks' at the coffeeshop opposite school.

and then i went home.

it was drizzling a bit during late morning today;
i sat in the bus, having my earpieces on,
and inspirational songs came cheering into my ears.
i couldn't hold myself to think back about something.
something that my mates and i were talking about.
our post and appointments.

it would be rather fine for me to be appointed any appointments;
somehow or rather, my life as a cadet ended long ago.
today i didn't have much expectations in NCC;
just a simple A1 for my CCA grade would get me laughing sneakily.
sabotaged, ruined, deposed...
life just couldn't be worse than this.

i watched how various of my friends get to experience leadership early;
getting appointments in their CCAs,
some the monitor board, others the student council.
looking back at myself, i am none.
certain times i try to console myself by saying,
'hey look! you have powerful connections in school!
eugene's the unit head, and your neighbour's the president...'

but i just can't deny the fact that i failed.

sometimes, i just looked at how many people get to play their field of talent;
school sometimes gave them chances to portray their skills.
and look at the gal talking about dreams on my tagboard.
the school invite her to be the emcee of events all the time.
i am all, but none.

its just pretty unlucky and sad.
your only dreams get thrashed,
your only chances got seized,
and you don;t get any other more chances.
sometimes we say life is kinda unfair.
yes, it is.

i don't have talents.
i don't have skills.
i don't have chances.

i don't have much friends.
i don't have the sweet bitter taste every teen have.
i don't have.

and i can't expect myself to tap my shoulder again,
and say,
'at least i still have you.'

i decided.
this time, i'm gonna make it big.
no matter what happen, or any objections;
i'll let the river flow my way.

if i am not getting a good start since young,
then i might as well stop talking about all the targets i have.

walking in the rain,
with techno music blasting out of my earpieces,
i have no umbrella, no raincoat;
i stomp my feet on the puddles of water,
i marched through the pelting rain.
i, am the king.