a month of turmoil, a month of change

original version of 新不了情!!!
so much better than those that are sung again,
esp the one by jam hsiao.
originality beats everything ppl.

in a blinking of an eye,
the month of february have come to an end.
scrolling down the archives of my blog,
i just realised how much i've been through in the month of february.
and how much i understand, how much i seen through.

how much i've lost, yet in return gave me a lot that i gained.

just a month, barely a term of the year;
february, indeed change me a lot.
it led me to see the hearts of human beings,
it led me to understand what is call 'death' figuratively;
it led me to even more independence,
february showed me a miracle.

going through so much in this month,
i must say, for now i've really see through things.
i learn to take things easier and simpler,
and i learn to slow down my paces in life;
hence, i learn to appreciate, love and cherish things and people around me.

the month of february told me who will be the one standing with me always;
the month of february showed me the real aspiration of my life.
the month of february gave me chaos and turmoils in every part of life,
except family.
it taught me the hardest of life,
and how to deal with this hardness with gentle manners.

i was just thinking back about myself in january;
i was then a loud person, who view short term causes as ultimate dreams.
now, i learn to differentiate the importance of many things;
i learn to know, what should life have, and how should life be.

tomorrow is the start of another month;
a new chapter, a new start, a new beginning.
it's the sequel to the story of yesterday,
but also the prologue to the story of tomorrow.
no matter what does the month of march have for me,
i shall take things as it comes.

and deal with them happily.

先赌为快

yes, this is a picture of people cheering at the gambling table.

recently an incident happened in our school.
zhonghua students were very supportive of the Singapore Govt;
to support the govt's actions of opening the casino,
two drama related to casino and gambling are aired over TV in Singpaore.
here in ZHSS, we have our very own way of supporting the country;
we, gamble in school.

the guys that were caught supporting the country,
each were given 'butt massage';
gals were given 'chalet outside general office away from classes'.
DM Chong warned the school that,
anyone who in next 'shows support for the country',
are to be dealt with seriously,
with 'massage' and 'chalet'.

well, indeed i'm getting worried.
not just that those are having a taste of 'little changi' are my friends;
in fact, i'm more worry about the social impact.
the social impact of opening casino in Singapore,
somemore TWO at a time.

alone with Singapore Pools we already have so much bankruptcy and broken families;
somemore, what's the impact that opening casino that is going to bring us?

yes we might say that Singaporeans are to pay 100 bucks to enter the casino,
but think about it;
the casino located at marina bay is so close to the offices.
those middle classes with extra cash can just go there during lunchtime,
and then end up bankrupt in a few weeks' time.

just as the casino began to operate in Singapore,
i'm already seeing the social impact on us.
in school, gambling in school.
if we still insist on promoting casinos...
then are you telling me,
instead of 11 coming after 8, 9, 10,
it's gonna be Jack, Queen and King?

this is how humans are like.
we actually forget all about social welfare and morals,
because we only set our eyes on profits and earning.
Singapore, at the point we realised the seriousness of the social impact;
it's already too late.

天无绝人之路

today, a huge miracle occurred in my life;
it taught me things that i've never know in the past.

i remember clearly one week ago today,
i was racking my brains to prepare for FSD comp in just one week's time;
somemore, it's the common test week that we have only to prepare.
i remember, that very day last week,
i was so devastated, at such a lost stage.
i felt that i lost everything, i'm just heading for hell.
nevertheless, at the last moments,
FSD 2010 build up their teamwork once again,
and all my team members are prepared to fight once more with me.
despite that FSD was in a mess last week,
they never desert me, and fought along with me and my partner.
even Ms Yeo send her wishes to us.

today, we did our final preparation,
and were prepared to go there and 'die'.
two trainings worth of preparation,
with this we are expecting something unsightly today.

after our final practices,
we went to Amoy Quee Camp under the company of Mr Tan.
Mr Tan Li Chun, a nice guy.

we just sat there, waiting for our time to perform,
waiting for 'death'.
we had in us this kind of perception,
'aiya this competition prepare to lose one.'
somemore, i will have to face severe punishment after this competition.
well, in me was a kind of callous attitude for the consequences and outcomes,
that i will face after the competition.

just as we are to prepare for the competition,
getting onto the parade square.
there came a heavy downpour,
under the strong, blazing sun.
it's really a weird nature scenery;
you have blazing sun and heavy downpour at the same time.

because of that, the competition is postponed.
we have one more week to prepare.

well, call this miracle, destiny, fate or whatsoever;
all i knew is i'm given a more chance.
one more chance to sharpen things,
one more chance to make some results.
really, i felt so fortunate today.
it's a kind of feeling....
when you're at your weakest point and things seem so dull,
and then no one's there to save your ass;
suddenly some natural phenomenon happen,
and then things are changed drastically.

it's a kind of feeling of gratefulness,
as well as a feeling of happiness;
grateful and happy for this natural chance given.

i remember last friday, how devastated i was,
how much i felt so much of pulling out of the competition.
how disappointed and devastated my mates felt,
and how we are in a low morale.
nevertheless, people like wayne cheer us on,
and we agree on one last battle.

today i felt so grateful, so happy, so fortunate.
i learn to cherish. cherish things and people,
which and who doesn't comes easily.
and today i saw a miracle;
somemore it happened on me!

from the start towards the end of february,
so much things happened in my daily life.
i lost many things;
but yet i gained some things that are more precious.
i learn about teamwork,
i learn to be humble;
i learn about unity is strength,
i learn to change myself.
i learn to be thankful and grateful for everything i'm given,
and i learn to see things with a neutral perception.
to lose materialistic life for this kinda stuff;
it's worth the price.

Miracles only happen to those who believe in them! -Emporio Ivankov, One Piece.

one day before the end.

playing counter strike almost every afternoon these few days.
well, the game reminds me of my childhood dream of entering the police force.
either a part of the tactical team that counter riots and terrorism,
or a normal constable that patrols around the neighbourhood;
i strive to become a policeman when i was so much younger.
again today, through playing CS, this childhood dream seems so much visible again.
visible until it becomes an ambition.

things might not spell good to me for the next few days,
i predict. i'm expecting a lot of troubles to get onto me,
like ants and bugs, biting me, torturing me non-stop.
well, today my geog tcher, Mrs Ho, said something,
"Against All Odds".
looks like i have to overcome things against all odds once more.

i was thinking of life in school;
realised that everything that happens in the school,
is slowly changing me, shaping me, nurturing me.
perhaps what that is going to take place is a course;
one that shapes me to be someone better,
in order to complete a greater cause of greater height.

learn a lot, understood a lot.
but there's still more for me to understand,
a lot more for me to learn.

judgment comes from experiences, and experience comes from bad judgments.
we go through certain things;
but if we don't learn from it, understand from it,
there's no way we're going to change,
and for sure we're going to repeat the same mistakes again.

looks like i have to make a change for life.

change.

maybe sometimes, a little change in ourselves can really change many things.

have been really enjoying today and yesterday.
for no other reasons.
just find that nowadays, time past by real fast,
but things are real peaceful, for the current moment.
at least not as tiring as what it is weeks ago.

nowadays got the kind of passion for studying.
not the mugging mood, but the keen and interest for knowledge.
just wanna know how things work,
why things are like this,
and how we suppose to do certain things...etc.
but, i have no mood for all the test.
treat the test like nothing.
in contrary, this leads me to have a soft feeling for all the tests;
i don't treat them seriously.
but, it also removes me of the kind of test phobia one would usually have.

maybe when we don't go and focus much on certain things,
they will seem to be simpler than ever.

have quite slack moods nowadays.
life revolves around studying(because i like to), CS, and then a bit of coffee.
nowadays i really look forward to weekends.
really want to get a haircut and shop for some stuff.
perhaps a new wallet, some books, and maybe a watch.

find that i'm quite silent in school these two days.
perhaps that's how things are when you get older.

well, somehow, i find one simple way to happiness.
learn to cherish, that's one way.

i been through yesterday, i'm going through today, and i'm waiting for tomorrow.
i don't live in yesterday, because i don;t linger over things that have taken place;
neither i don't live in tomorrow, i'm not a man who looks towards and plan for the future.
i live in today.
i live in today to enjoy every second of today,
to change whatever disappointment that happen today into a smile on my face,
to use every minute wisely by doing things i like;
i don't bring the troubles of yesterday to trouble me today,
neither do i bring the aspirations of tomorrow to tire me today;
i take things as they comes, and change them whenever it is needed.

every second i stone in front of this desktop;
time passed by being wasted.
thus i use seconds that i can spare to write this,
hoping that you can cherish the time you have today.

the frontier.

digimon frontier, one anime that contains loads of my childhood memories.
really liked the storyline and the theme songs;
this anime still never fails to attract me from time to time,
until now.

so, i'm taking a slight break from all those mugging and rushing.
really, sometimes, we should learn to slow down our steps,
and take a good look at what's happening all around us.
in fact, this will let us learn even more.

experience the same kinda coldness back in school today.
somehow, i believe that all these were predestined for me.
for everything that happen, i believe that there's something,
something like 'the moral of the story' to it.
in fact, all these that have taken place in school make me realised something.
something that is so important that i never realised in the past.

family. yes, family.
through all these incidents;
getting screwed in my CCA, getting screwed in my class.
times and times you would feel helpless and fearful.
but at this point of time, those who stood beside me,
gave me encouragement, tried to help me solve these problems,
are my family.

they lend a hearing ear and a helping hand to me;
when all my platoon mates and seniors stood helplessly,
all my classmates carried on with their lives, ignoring me.
my parents offered suggestions for me,
and even went to the extend of going to school and talking with the teacher.

my mother said she will be visiting the school days later.
she asked me whether if i need her to buy me anything when she visits the school.
i replied, 'what?'
and she said, 'you want roti john or not?'

that was the kind of warmth that filled the heart,
and let tears fill the eyes.

i always thought, after all these incidents that happened in school,
have i lost my dreams, have i lost my aspirations.
in fact, these aspirations changed.
really, i thought of joining the SPF's special operations command;
to defend my home and family against all threats and danger.

i would proudly say,
i don't have what that ordinary people have,
but, i have something that not all ordinary people have.
call that family bliss, family warmth, family support;
i don't know how to phrase it,
but yet, it was the kind of protection and the kind of care my family always gave me.

many a times, my friends outcast me,
my platoon mates deserted me,
and my classmates hated me.
some evil-doers even back stabbed me.
however, all along it has been my family that stay by my side,
and gave me support, no matter what that have taken place.

the high and sturdy walls of the school,
shelter us from elements.
but inside hides a loner that has been outcast by many,
and one that has been attacked in many forms.

the broken and transparent windows of home,
might not really cover me from all elements;
but it cover me from all troubles and problems,
and gave me warmth and care that others couldn't give.

i have nothing to my name in this world;
not even bright future, not even great knowledge.
but i have a family that supports me for everything i do,
that pull me up everytime i fell.

i have nothing to boast about;
i have no talents, no abilities that could keep me surviving.
but i have a family that motivated me towards my aspirations,
and a family that i could proudly tell others about.

all along, seeking for many things,
i fell, i failed, i injured myself.
but when i turned my head back,
i saw the helping hands from my family,
stretching out, because we're a family.

the most thankful thing i have ever on earth,
is not world peace, or any other things,
but a family that i'm born in.

sunday morning's breeze.

'studying for the sake of studying, doing for the sake of doing.'

while i was in recluse yesterday and mugging hardly for my tests,
the above quote suddenly came across my mind.
it was something that my P6 form teacher, Mr Tay, told my class.
he said that most of us are studying for the sake of studying,
and doing our homework because we are told to do so.
studying for the sake of test, doing assignments because our teachers said so,
and then, we go for exams because we need a certificate.

then, i was thinking,
'for what i am actually studying so hard for? for the common tests?'

today, a lot of us are mugging blindly for certain reasons that seem to be weird.
we can study a subject that we hate to the core,
and score A for that subject.
maybe this is the consequence or effect of the competitive society;
for many things we do,
is for the survival in this competitive society.

many of my playful friends can even settle down and start mugging.
their reason is,
'if i don't study i will die.'

after much thought, somehow i have a different perspective about school.
now, i want studying to be fun, studying to be a cause,
a cause that is for ourselves, truly for ourselves.

studying because i have interest,
studying because i'm curious,
studying because i have the urge to pursue knowledge.
not because i need a certificate to stay alive.

i wonder if many teens will feel happier,
if they're to view things the same way as me.

人生千百态

after more events started to take place,
a feeling of calmness filled my heart.
'all these are coming to an end soon,'
i thought to myself.
maybe, it's going to come to and end;
maybe, there an even more challenging sequel.

these series of events that took place in my life at the current moment,
they changed and shaped me in a different way.
they changed my dreams, they changed my attitude;
they also, most importantly,
led me to see the many facets of the human race.

so many different personalities and characteristics,
that i discover and came across these few months;
they taught me the realism of the human nature.
how human can be selfish, and how human can be greedy;
how human beings can manipulate over another human beings,
which the life and death of that manipulated one,
have nothing to do with the one manipulating.

seeing so much in life,
more than what i've been seeing the last two years.
in the last two years,
what i met were different kinds of straightforward people;
even though they are of different personalities,
if they hate you, they just tell you.
today i see real human deception,
real human greed and selfishness,
as well as real human miscalculation.

this year, i came across again, so many different kind of people;
gentle human beings full of compassion,
deceptive human beings that hide their thoughts,
and then, many many others to list.
from them, i saw my various selves;
i saw how i behave at moments of times,
i reflect upon myself from their actions.

yesterday was an interesting day.
morning, i got a comment at the soccer field,
'you'll still let in goals even if you're not the goalie.'
and afternoon...that's not worth mentioning of.
evening, i got another comment,
'good job guys, keep up the good work.'

i saw the many facets of human race.

maybe i need some time to analyse them.

one last try.

taking one last gamble,
after when i have lost almost everything.
even if i lose in the end,
i still have to laugh happily after that.

a lot of things happened today.
a lot, a lot.
so much, that it tired me out once again.

life wasn't as pleasant as how it supposed to be.
even after professional consultation,
life, is still as bland, as bleak, as dark.
again, the many incidents that happen today,
let me see through so much things again.

one thing that struck a hard feeling on me this morning.
well, the guys were playing soccer in the field.
and then, the chinese team was beating the singaporean team so much.
my skills...they're bad. real bad.
and many a times i couldn't really tackle or mark someone else.
i remember a time when our goal was left unattended,
and one of the team players asked me to guard the goal.
'i stand there i'll only let in goals.'
a harsh reply came of one of them, who i'm mot going to name,
'u dun stand there, u also let in goals.'

i walked off, under the shame given by spectators,
under the scorn of the players on the field.

today afternoon.
big things happen, regarding the FSD competition.
well, needless to say, surely i'll get some presents.
and i came back with an angry mood of everything.
kah chee, deon, and some juniors,
gave me a word of consolation.
even jingming is willing to lend a hearing ear to my woes.

later on, we had a last go at the routine.
one last battle, for the sake of the team.
wayne was there to lift the morale, so was junli and so'if.
these seniors, who at least give that effort to bother about us.
wayne, a worthy senior.

some random guy gave us chicken rice for our break time.
VP 2, Ms Yeo was there personally to cheer the team on.
and some other gals.

seeing so much today;
i really don't know what to say.
all i know is,
for everything,
i'm fighting my one and only, last battle.

everyday i walked into class,
which my presence seem not to be bothered about;
everyday during recess,
for many a times i kept quiet and i walked alone.

many a times in my CCA,
i faced so much obstacles;
also in some other areas too.

in many areas of the school,
i'm an outcast, a loner;
in class, many times in CCA.

yet in some areas of school,
i felt i had some use;
i get to lead a cool down session in FAC,
my juniors called me 'Boss' with respect,
and then, there are still people who are noticed of my skills.

life. that's life for me.

notable, notable mirrors.

like any other normal day it seem;
today come and go like any other weekday.
but for no reason,
i typically like today.

something that happen before recess that spoils my appetite;
the ss tcher was complaining about how we screwed her up,
and how we 'treat hui si like our servants' when she needs to help hand up the hmwk.
i was laughing out my stomach secretly.
my ss tcher reminds me of who i am in the past.
boastful, narrow-minded, single perspective, easily angered.
and indirectly, because that her attitude resemble of who i am in the past;
she leads me to think of a few people.
some are perhaps, role models of my life;
some are former classmates and some are acquaintances.

i was wondering so much that changed me;
feeling the way that the class dislike the ss tcher,
finally led me to understand how my classmates think of me at sec 1.
to be disliked is such a terrible feeling.
and i managed to walk out of this 'circle of dislike' back in sec 1, sec 2.
well, one of these figures that led me to change is tuesday.

i viewed her as one of those that represents the many stereotypes in the class.
how she used to hate me openly two years back,
allows me to understand how my classmates are thinking of me.
everytime i do or say something wrong,
she, confirm plus chop, is the first one to diao me.
and i rmb the 'terrible times',
when she flooded me with how much she hates me,
how she disagrees with my words and actions.
from what she 'flooded' me with,
i'm able to reflect about myself.
there's a chinese saying that says,
'someone else is always a mirror to ourselves; their response and feedback to us reflects our personality and character.'

tuesday and i went to different class;
a lost a worthy mirror to reflect upon.

another person that reminds me from the ss tcher's bad attitude is,
my primary school classmate chirstine.
i rmb how she was being hated by the cohord for so many years,
all due to her bad attitude and also her personality.
and she was something like an outcast;
even the tchers hated her.
however, she stood strong in front of these circumstances,
learn to overcome obstacles and change herself,
and even learn that, being one's own self is the most important thing.
looking at how much she changed, i am impressed by her rate of changing;
and looking at her strong will to overcome so many obstacles,
and also her determination to stand through harsh conditions,
i really admire that will that not many have in themselves.

there are many people in our life,
that from what they do,
we can always reflect upon ourselves.
no matter is whether they are directing towards us,
or doing something else;
oftentimes, we can put ourselves into comparisons,
and learn more about our true selves,
and learn to change to be someone better.

learn to take feedback and response from others;
words might sound harsh,
but they are those words that make us someone better.
in contrast, honeyed words are what that are superficial.

many people that i came across in life;
some can be our everyday teacher that teach us lessons of life,
some can be everyday heroes that lead us to reflect upon;
learn to see ourselves from others.
only then, we can feel how others are feeling about us.

many of those classmates that told me things,
that are 'straight in my face', harsh but truthful;
today, we parted.

i lost many mirrors that leads me to reflect upon.

the simulation.

today, as i predicted, school didn't went that well.
well, FAC was still a bit of fun;
at least they never ban me, Mr Ron Low never send me back to the parade square,
and i even get to lead the cool down session. LOL.

then were numerous lessons that tired me out.
double maths, english, and after recess,
physics, geog, then HCL.
just realise how a day comes and goes so fast.
time seems to be so fast nowadays.
but the workload tends to get bigger and bigger.

as usual, expect the usual kind of serenity from the class towards me.
besides a few peers, i never talked much today.
hardly even talked to my neighbours.
i guess have to really get things going.

and i have a lot of work to settle today.
and tomorrow i have a busy schedule.
same for today.
just feels that life suddenly became so much, so much dreadful.
everyday you go to school, work work work,
go home, study study study.
not much time for play, and then, you have no one to talk to.
it's like a one-man-fight;
quite tiring actually.
just only two months, and i'm already very tired.

i dunno for what purpose i'm living for now,
and then, life seems to be so aimless.
soon, tests are all coming;
and i'm going to expect more worse stuff after this.

nevertheless, still have to carry on.
take this as a simulation of the society barhhs.

i need a vacation.

push forward.

and today, i really have to get my ass working on academics.
and then i was just wondering, would how many ppl,
actually read finish my post, or even read my post at all.

it's the same kind of before-going-back-to-school feeling.
somehow this time i dread going back to school.
back there i have so much trouble to settle that were caused by others,
and i have to see the cold faces of my classmates.
okay, not all larh, there are still some okay ones, and quite friendly.
worse still you have to see the faces of some unhonourable bastards,
who flashes their claws like tigers,
and open their jaws like wolves.

the long holiday did not energize me,
and also, things never seem to be better.
next week is a week full of test,
and then there's still quite some shit.
okay, maybe after this month,
things will brighten up a bit.
i'm just waiting for things to get better,
along with doing whatever i can.

somehow i felt kind of lost in this era, this society.
suddenly everything seem to be very dull.
i guess that is because for once,
i lost the purpose of current life,
and then, my human relationships ain't well.

don't really like going back to school.
you have no one to talk to,
you do all kinds of shit work from your teacher and you can't complain.
this time, i really getting very tired.
tired of all the human hypocrisy,
tired of all the struggles.

nevertheless,
i have to push myself forward.
'cuz no one else cares if you fall or stand.

these few days come and go like nothing.
i felt that its a bit of wasted.
i have no mood to do work,
and no mood for many things.
things got out of hand,
and now i'm looking at the after effects.

still, i have to go on.

tomorrow's the reopening of school.
what that keeps me going there is,
FAC, and perhaps, nothing else.

life don't really seem nice when you have no hopes for it.
but still, the clock never stops,
and life goes on.

fight on. push forward.

sense it.

and the second day of CNY passed by, without much joy.

i was just thinking of something i caught on TV last night,
200 pound beauty. hey i know it sounds kinda lame,
and then it's an old show,
but then, a scene of the movie left me a food for thought.
it was a scene where the female protagonist, which i forgot the name,
revealed to her fans at her concert that she actually went for liposuction,
and then cosmetics surgery, turning from a fat gal into a beauty.
then many of those at her concert were shocked,
but soon many shouted out together, 'it's alrite!', and cheered her on.

i burst out in laughter,
and then ask myself,
'would how many say it's alrite everytime you commit a mistake,
by accident or purpose?'
i couldn't hold to link it with ZHNCC,
which hardly ever gave me a chance,
except jinchun;
and i couldn't hold linking that scene with 2e3'09,
which gave me so many chances.

okay, back to the story about today.
you know, i was just thinking about many many stuff of life.
at a point you lost what you have,
and things don't seem to be very nice for you;
all you need is some cheer and those 'jiayou jiayou',
to carry on with whatever shit you met in life.

never did any encouragement come.

i was just thinking of how much i, no, others screwed me up badly in life.
class, cca, many many things.
thinking back again, i realised this time i grew up a lot.
i don't just think like a 41 year old guy anymore;
i think more like a 51 year old guy.
hopefully every shit people give me make me think 10 years more ahead and mature;
maybe one day i can think like god.

i was just wondering about now,
since things are pretty much screwed by some dunno what idiots,
maybe i should go find a better purpose in life to replace what i've lost.
i guess i found it, to stay happy and bring happiness.
be more of a remi gaillard. prankster, joker.

one life, live it.

days ago, i just realise all along with have to face with reality.
reality's cruelty, reality's harshness.
i was wondering, if reality was there, with its human nature,
and its selfishness, greed, everything,
why does morals stand for thousands of years?

then i found out,
because the good and righteous never falls.

正气长存，天下为公.

holding a faded photograph.

first day of chinese new year,
hereby wishing everyone a happy chinese new year!

well, a new year, means a new start.
the start of 2010 along brought me so much trouble;
at least, there is still the start of the year of the tiger,
that allows me to have another fresh start again.

the year of the ox ended with some kind of sadness,
yet a lot of enlightenment,
allowing me to see through many things that i never used to see through.
now, another starting for me;
allowing to me to have a new beginning.

all along so many things that happen,
i felt a force that is trying to make me someone better.
as many had said,
'we sacrifice for a bigger purpose'.
giving up something now,
means i am preparing myself for something more worthwhile.

didn't really have much of the festive season mood this time;
at sec 3, you wouldn't have much mood to celebrate anything.
somemore, i dun really expect to see or get anything for CNY.

it felt like any other sunday for me today.
now, i don't see a purpose of life for myself;
but i have a feeling,
something big is coming my way.

换个梦吧

稻香, one of Jay Chou's song, which dated to now,
is not yet consider an old song, but yet not so new.

i guess, this song now speaks of what am i thinking about.
well, try playing the MV, listen to the music, and look at the lyrics.
maybe, you'll understand what i'm trying to say here.

when this song first came out in the market,
i collected it like any of the others Jay Chou's song;
it's nothing just more than a song, a mere collection of a singer you like.
but today, as a series of events happen to me,
this song meant something more than what i used to think.

i don't think i want to explain much;
the lyrics says all.
after singing for ten years or so,
Jay is able to sing a song that successfully,
depict the meaning of life and sing about how life should be.

last time, whenever i hear this song,
i just merely hum along with the tune.
but today, hearing the song and its lyrics,
tears will fill my eyes in a mere second.

in life, there are so many things,
that can bring a simple smile,
a simple happiness,
a simple gratefulness to all of us.
but it's just that whether we slow down or stop in this hectic life,
to take a look at all these.

a series of events that happened,
that let me understand the true faces of human beings,
that let me have a lesson learnt for life,
that let me lost my dreams.
at the point when i lost my dreams,
i gained a purpose more meaningful than ever.

all these days i have been indulging myself in songs like these.
not because i want to hide from reality,
not because i need something to cheer me on with life;
but yet, today i finally understand the purpose all of these songs.

it's always the old folks that says,
'return to that very simplicity in the beginning'.
today, i finally understand what they are trying to convey.

What a wonderful world.

today, i really felt that things were wonderful.
but before i carry on with that,
let me summarise the day a bit.

what really spices up the life today,
is HCL lesson. first time i see Mdm Jiang did such a fun activity.
we're suppose to write a CNY card to someone by drawing lots for their name.
then we're to write a CNY card to that person no matter who he or she is.
fun activity, filled me with a secretive feeling,
and yet, let me feel the power of fate and destiny. harhars.

after that had rugby for PE, which ended with quite some causalities ._.

and then after recess was maths, which was as usual, fun.
then was the school's CNY celebration,
which was...erm, okayy barhs.
i can see the school's hard work for the concert.

well, today i understand a great load of things.
happiness. yes, once again, i understand how fortunate and happiness came about.
a little blessing from others can give a little feeling of fortunate,
a little care and help can bring a bit of happiness on our faces.

the definition of life changes again.
my dreams, sadly but yet gladly, change again.
i think, what i want in life now,
is to stay happy, as well as make others feel happy.
and also uphold justice.
perhaps for that, i wanna become a policeman.
sounds weird, but thats what i want to do at the current moment.

last but not least,
wish everyone a happy CNY, 心想事成！

幸福与快乐，得来不易。我可幸福，是因得到他人祝福；我可快乐，是因帮助他人而让他人感到快乐。得到幸福，要好好珍惜；得到快乐，要懂得知足。

real enlightenment.

another of Sam Hui's song, talking about the greatness of parents,
and how much we actually owe our parents our lives.
ok this time round the MV is a bit no link with the song,
so, just listen to the song will do.

i just realised, how wonderful the world is actually like.
how much wonderful things are actually like for me.
things might be still screwed up today,
but then, the world is yet still so beautiful.

i was a man, who hardly shed any tears.
and yet, when i listened to that song above,
tears uncontrollably came out of me.
the lyrics of the above song left a hard impression in my mind.
to think, all along my life,
the ones who support me all along are my parents.
not only they educated and bred me,
but gave the best in their lives to me.
thinking about it, i owe them too much;
and having such great parents in life,
is more than having anything else.

these few days, things cropped up very much in life.
FSD screwed up, and my subordinates deserted me;
my clique left me one by one.
to lose all that you think what life is all about,
somemore all at an instant,
is worse than purgatory in hell.
yet when i look from another perspective,
i saw my parents supporting me all along.
that is the kind of feeling that,
will really make my tears shed.

i heard from my brother,
the wonders of brotherhood in the military,
and i really wanted to know why soldiers cried and screamed,
when their mates fallen in the battlefield.
i heard of the great link between a soldier and nature;
i went to look for it in ZHNCC.
three years, all is aw is struggle, power hunger.
what i'm looking for, isn't there.

i was looking for that simplicity in life.
that very happiness of life.
that kind of simplicity, that could bring the most natural smile on faces.
not the kind of satisfaction you get when you completes a goal,
but the fortunate, the happiness that you earned through hard work.

i had a classmate, who i didn't know that well;
everytime i walk past her,
she would smile politely at me.
i guess i found the first step to wards happiness.
politeness.

all along, i thought those were my dreams,
and that is how life is suppose to be.

today, i finally know why many devote life to charity,
as well as volunteerism.
because only through helping, caring, sharing,
and seeing that smile from others faces because you helped them;
that, is what that makes you smile.

A Walk of Life.

Cantonese classic 浪子心聲, by Sam Hui.
if you guys don't know who he is,
he's the one who made legend in Cantopop.

浪子心聲 was one of Sam's most famous song;
it never fail to attract listeners who made this classic a favourite.
this, could be consider an all time classic;
it's the song's lyrics that made the song a famous one.

had been listening to Sam's song throughout my life.
these songs were listened countless times,
and in the past, i listen for the 'nice' of the song.
i just find it nice, and don't really know what the lyrics means after all.
years past, i grew up,
and i finally understand what the song is trying to tell us.

perhaps, this song now is the only thing that can tell how my life is.
life, is a bit bleak, yet enjoyable.

to today, i realised, how much i've lost in life.
losing my stand in NCC, dropping in academics,
and many other things as well.
chua told me, i would never be USM;
because my reputation is seriously tarnished in ZHSS. how true.

all these years, facing so much in CCA and life.
clinging and struggling in e3, being sabotaged in NCC.
i realised how stupid i am,
to think that there is real brotherhood in this world, in NCC;
but it turns out, to be series after series of power struggle.
and yet, looking at the other side,
i realised how i found a good class, a bunch of good friends,
who could understand me.

everyday, i walked alone during recess time;
no one wants to come near me.
i don't really give a damn about it;
at least i know who is true or fake friends.

and now, thinking back,
i feel like relieving of my duties in NCC;
no more power struggles, no more nothing.
i will not served for superficial purposes,
and now all i want to do in NCC is,
to educate my juniors properly,
make sure that they don't go astray,
and the ideal brotherhood is in them.

wealth, fame, power.
i wasted my reputation to get all these things,
and i ended up with nothing.
till today then i realise,
true happiness lies in charity and helping others,
true satisfaction lies within seeing a wonderful world.

a series of problems, a series of fuckers;
my future is ruined in NCC, my future is bleak.
two years of hardwork, phone calls, helpfulness, no more.
but then, i always know that,
what is fated is always fated.

perhaps i really found the real goal in life today.
i want to stand for two of my life biggest purposes:
Justice, and the concept of Right and Wrong.
suddenly, i feel like joining the Police Force.

the world is a dark place, full of hypocrites;
but morals still stand, because there are still upright man.
fear not of ghost and gods, but of people beside you;
someday even your best friend might stab you in the back.
fear for retribution,
do good and fate will reward you,
do bad and punishment will come.
sooner or later, it's just a matter of time.

stay gold.

LOOK.

now, that's a pic of a view in a binoculars.

well, what i'm trying to explain here is that,
how things will vary different, how scenery will vary differently,
when you see it over a naked eye or a binoculars.

when you look at the scenery over a binoculars,
things will be magnified over a number of times,
and your view will be focused on a target or object you are looking at.
your view is only restricted to that object you see in the binoculars;
and if that object is gone, you have nothing left to view.

when you view a scenery with just your naked eye,
things might seem to be small over a huge distance,
but things are greatly perfect and beautiful,
when you are able to view the scenery as a whole.
even if a small tree or a small scrub is to be removed from the landscape,
not much harm is done to the whole scenery,
and your view on the whole scenery would not be drastically change too.

what i'm trying to say here is,
the same theory applies on the perspective of life also.

when you choose to focus on only one stuff,
giving too much effort and attention on it,
chances are that you might be injured and harmed when what you're doing fail.
and yet when you don not really focus too much,
you would not be too upset when you fail the objective.

i'm not trying to ask you all to be not serious in doing things;
what i want to convey is,
看开一点.

when you take things lightly,
with a joyous mood,
of course life would be much more easier.
learn to be optimistic,
and not dread over one incident or objective;
learn to take and go in life.

many had wealth, fame and power;
yet many had nothing to their name.
but these chaps can actually live a happier life than those who are rich and powerful.

it is because that they have nothing to worry about,
they view life with an optimistic feeling.
yet those that are in power and riches,
are always on the guard of losing what they have,
or doing a bad job about their objective.

the greatest happiness in life lies between optimism and simplicity.
try to view things from a different perspective, a different view;
you'll see how much things have change to suit your liking.

always in life,
i have to tell myself to stay optimistic.
whenever i get sabotage by my platoon mates in NCC,
i treat it as a lesson learn to understand human nature;
whenever i face challenges in academics,
i treat it as a course to make me a man more knowledgeable than before.
whenever i'm faced with an obstacle,
i tell myself, now is the time to define what yitian means.

things, how they turn out to be;
they do not depend on what they are in the first place.
they turn out to be,
by how you want to view them,
and how lightly or seriously,
how optimistic or sadistic you want to view them.

readers, how do you think?

再来一杯

hmm, life is pretty much okay today.
i can consider peaceful, and quite slack.
at least i get to go home early,
and then play a few rounds of CS :D

received my a maths paper;
manage to struggle through the whole thing.
well, there's a reason that i always score low in maths.
because i'm not a calculative person!
oh, and also received back the geog paper.
did okay for the paper. at least i nvr flunk.

and the rest of today,
it's pretty much slack.
well, have to get my arse working on the assignments,
and then also get my head thinking of FSD.
things are pretty screwed,
but it's alrite!
tougher things always gives us more challenges to train ourselves, right?

well, after a series of events that taken place recently,
i just realise, i haven't lost that willpower that keeps me fighting.
that will, that makes me survived the toughest of hell.
that fire, isn't extinguish.

sometimes, i really wonder how are things going to take place.
the soon-to-come FSD competition, pretty screwed by someone;
and then my academics, have to really buck up on various subjects;
and then, many things that are going to happen this year.
great, i can't just take things as they come.

i was just wondering that how devastated i am yesterday,
and then, how happy am i today.
then i just realised,
what i went through in 2e3 and NCC are not just for the sake of going through;
it really turn me into a real man.
enduring hardships, fighting for your stand..
these are things that many couldn't take it.
and i wonder, why do i have the will to subdue all these.
and i just realise, it'd all about the effect those hard times left me.

today i can sit down, and think a bit again.
i remember those hard times in the past two years;
hated by a whole 39 people,
deserted by your company,
seem to be the one that will fail.
two years past,
i manage to make frens with these 39 ppl,
and i'm still surviving in my company.
that's what that makes you a veteran.
tears and sweat, until they dry up.

today, looking at my various frens and classmates,
committing the same mistakes that i've gone through two years back.
i couldn't bear to stop laughing;
laughing at their stupidity,
laughing at their rashfulness,
laughing at their immaturity,
laughing at their greed.

and laughing at myself,
for once i had been someone like them.

New Era.

sunday morning, before everything starts afresh again.

thinking back, i just realised that a lot of incidents had took place.
the powder incident, my HCL tcher, the FSD incident, the CIP incident.
so much things took place, and almost each of it i ended in defeat.

i was just wondering why i had to give way all the time.
i didn't choose to, but i had to.
take a look,
i rmb how brandon sabo me last time, cuz things never went his way.
this time, perhaps i had to let go a bit on FSD,
if not there will be a lot of trouble.
for the sake of peace barh, i had to give up my aspirations,
of making ZHNCC the champion of FSD.

after reflecting through so many incidents,
i realised, in fact, i have not lost my true self.
in fact, i'm still like what i used to be.
i want to see a start of a New Era, a new start of this society.
and i want to be one that start all these things.
like Simon Bolivar, George Washington, Sun Yat-sen, Lenin(though his a communist),
i want to be like them, starting a New Era.

always in the past,
i told myself, i would be the one getting the ball rolling.
and whenever i can peacefully get the ball rolling,
some selfish ppl, who want things their way,
would snatch the ball from me.

always, i been looking for a stage of my own.
i had many in the past, but selfish ppl stole it.
looking at the situation now,
i really want to take things back;
but for the sake of peace, for the sake of unification,
i can't bear to do so.

it's like, they're doing everything which everyone suppose to be sharing.
and when i did this in the past,
i got condemned. i got a death sentence. i was never used anymore.
and yet when they did it, nothing happened.
because now, me, as the opposition,
have never took the chance to stir trouble.

after going through so much in these two months,
i even believe more firmly in Absolute Justice.
it's very different from the Moral Justice you get;
Absolute, means everything have to balance.

everytime things happen,
i don't think that they took place for no purpose.
they have a meaning, and a aim behind them.
perhaps for me, going through so much is to shape me for the best.

oh by the way, **** the censorship in this post.

sometimes, things have to really take place.
Absolute Justice. it's more or less, human means.
thinking back, by doing so actually cuts down the punishment on the evil-doer.
we don't want to see retribution of ten times happen naturally, right?

yeah.
in conclusion, perhaps, really, i'm not down yet.

Roly-Poly.

looks, that's a roly-poly toy :D

if you're once a child, you should know what a roly-poly is all about.
it's a toy that will keep standing upright everytime you pushed it.
no matter how much you push the toy, it will will standing upright.

i believe all of us should be like a roly-poly.
always standing upright, always not falling.
two meanings, yeah.
firstly,
we should learn the concept of a roly-poly.
never to subdue yourself to problems and obstacles,
and always keep on fighting in your journey of life.
and look at the smile on the poly's face.
yes, of all us should stay optimist in the times of trouble,
and not falling everytime we meet an obstacle that can push us down.

the next is that we should always pick ourselves up whenever we fall down.
we should picked ourselves up from what that have defeated us,
we should picked ourselves up from what that have pushed us down.
we should stand upright against any force that can push us down anytime.

there are so many concepts and principles of life,
that we can depict from things around us.
this is because that these things are part of life too!
and because they are part of life,
they always show the concept of how life should be.

it's a long time ever since i came across a roly-poly.
some time later i must buy one and put at home,
reminding myself to always stand straight against all kinds of obstacles.

are you, a roly-poly?

CIP :D

yay! CIP today!

after three years of CNY newspaper collection,
i must say, this year's the best of all.
we completed everything before noon,
which is quite some achievement.
and somemore, my grp members are all so zai!
tiong lei, kenneth, junli, soif, yik dong, and so many more, and gary!
yeah, enjoyed a lot at the CIP.

and then, went for ta hair cut,
the went home ._.
wanna study today, esp my a maths.
if not im gonna fail the nest test.

cant wait for the coming of CNY,
and the start of FAC!
awaiting for many things to take flight,
which will really brings me a lot of fun and adventure :D

Censorship.

*claps claps claps*

after two years, run-the-road made its first censorship movement.
things were censor all the way back to CCA orientation.
OMG. look, censorship issues arh...
even online you also no freedom. today i feel like communist leh.

well, soon will become public enemy no. 1.
or already become. due to the powder incident.
and then, there's so much that happened,
i earn an even more bad reputation in ZHSS.
so much tougher than 1e3'08

and i hereby announce,
from today onwards,
i will post only,
1) philosophy post,
2) post on daily life(censored),
3) post on things that sets me thinking,
4) major events and activities taking place.

censorship lorh. no choice.
but rest assured,
i'm still giving you the good quality post,
which you will nod your head when you're reading it.
i guess very long i nvr write inspiration post lerh barhhs?
must got inspiration to write.
sec 3 life so jia lat how to get inspiration,
for all my philosophy, inspiration post and all the good stuff?

so, censorship lorh.
this is cyber life.

shuttle run.

things were very, very rush for today.

had many things in one day,
including two test,
which i think im bound to fail.
followed by tuition straight away after school,
i'm really tired today.
first time i ever felt so tired,
plus the workload im having,
and then the test on friday that i need to study for.
i guess today aint a good day for me.
yeah, it really aint a good day.

the HCL tcher gave us some new assignments today.
we are suppose to be pen pals with ppl from dunman high,
and then write letters to each other,
which somehow will also be graded as assignment.
woah, first time having a pen pal in life.
i only had a telephone pal before. nvr see before one leh!
pen pal also. nvr see in real life before one. haha.
and all these sounds so fun.
getting to noe someone you dunno. hahas.

and now, really have to go mugging.
maths graph, physics graph. sian.

climb the highest mountain, sail the widest sea.
well, im doing the impossible to make it possible now.
burns midnight oil tonight. a lot of it.