quite random arh this picture?
okay, up there u can see 5 ppl,
me, kenneth, chong kai, koh chin, jonathan.

i am now,
filled with a very calm and steady mindset.
maybe because i have been slacking alot for the past few hrs,
no other things than gaming and more gaming.

i think,
i have been turning more and more realistic.
somehow, i began to realise something of life- you have to be realistic.
i used to thought that im realistic enough.
but not now.

these few days, or the past wk,
as really, a very very great lesson for me.
somehow, one wk alone change half of my mindset,
which turn out to be so suprising.

i am very worried.
worried abt the company, worried abt my life, abt my studies, my future.
somehow, half of my class screwed up my future in zhss.
and there are even things tht screw me up in the company.
i am very worried abt my relationships.
im the one who ppl tend to betray,
im the one who must always play the bad guy.
in fact, i didnt want it this way.

whenever i looked at this foto,
somehow my thoughts will tell me,
"there are two ppl in this foto, who will cause an uproar,
one would bring glory and fame, and the other, destruction and extinction."
and i always view myself as the positive one.

i always believe tht things will always turn fine,
but for most of the times, they dun.
wad i am really worried abt now,
is the image tht i given to others.
no, no, the image they gave me.
playing the bad guy for so long,
all the negative words are chained to me.
and plus the kind of looks and figure i have,
life, really really screwed.

i dun wan to be lyk some low lying ppl.
i wan to be lyk the others.
even if david tan can attract gals,
i dun see the reason i cant.
even if kenny is view as the heir(which is of course, due to some reasons),
i dun see tht i cant do it.

somehow,
i used to think why i am always a step lower than others,
and im fated to be the one lying low.
perhaps this is wad tht cause my optimistic character,
and perhaps, the key to me being ambitious.

maybe somehow ppl say there's no one to play this role,
so i have to.
but i didnt want it.
i want to be lyk the others,
always given a chance.
yes, perhaps many times im given chances, in many arenas.
but chance to make me stay this way.

i rmb the times when my self esteem drop to negative 80,
and i commented myself on my looks.
those classmates of minesaid i dun nid a plastic surgery..
in fact, as i think bk,
if i dun get one, perhaps i can remain single my whole life.

but,
even if things are gonna stay lyk this as times goes on,
i will still say,
'i believe in that one tomorrow.'
and im gonna wk towards it,
defeating all obstacles on my road.

ok, this post is so damn random. lol.