Eve

I laid upon my armchair in anxiety,
and hope that surfing the net will help to ease that nervousness.
Scrolling through the page full of Chinese characters,
I wonder how long have it been ever since I posted something in English.
Largely due to the fact that my command of the English language is weak,
or that relating my thoughts and feelings in my native language is chosen in preference,
I seldom use proper English in my daily activities,
or at times I just try to refrain from using English at all.
Now, even typing English on the keyboard feels weird,
which makes me determined to do something about my standard of English.

Sadly to say, right up the next morning is D-Day;
maybe one of the last English papers to be seated for in my lifetime,
if I consider to enroll in a vocational-based course after secondary education.

The thought of the national papers being right next tomorrow not just only make me nervous;
more of sending a chilly feeling down your spine, I would say.
Somehow it just doesn't feels right-
while the other students are mugging the best out of all available resources,
I am sitting here, nonchalantly using the PC as if nothing is going to happen.

Maybe is the preparedness that resides in me since the start of the year.
Or is it the victorious results from previous exams that gave me too much confidence?
It might be the callous personality of mine that chose to hide from all adversities.
Perhaps it's just the lack of seriousness and effort in my work.

It lies not just only the first and biggest papers,
but subsequent subjects that lined themselves neatly in front of you-
D-Day bombings, I would refer them as,
with some days having more than one bomb raid taking place.
I would say that typing in English on the Eve would maybe assure me some performance in the hall tomorrow,
but the lack of practice, unfinished preparations and mental constipation shall be my biggest foes tomorrow.

As I flipped through all the model essays and notes issued by the school,
I began to reflect upon my 'career' as an amateur writer in this two years.
From then whereby I once stood almighty in comparison to everyone else-
my debate, my points, my explanation and my knowledge-
I grew full of my ability and lax upon all the fundamental practices,
thinking that I could sway along the examination halls just with this ability alone.
Indeed I had sat 'like a boss' for some of those papers,
and handed up assignments that return with a satisfied A-grade;
but certainly even the most fundamental ability will come to rust when not put into constant practice.

I flipped open the school's collection of model essays and realized one of my prized piece was printed in it.
Reading through the style of debate and explanation,
it is hard for me to believe that such work came out of my hands.
Really, I have 'de-proved' too much over the last two weeks;
not just in my command of language,
but my ability to solve even the simplest Math problem.

Even the most advanced civilisation will decline one day.
Similarly, no matter how capable one may be,
he who grew full of himself and his abilities shall be overtaken in due time.
Panicking over the unfinished preparation before D-Day,
I only have myself to blame: my laziness, my nonchalance, my callousness.
Indeed the last two weeks were the most crucial weeks of the whole saga;
it's events could shape things to turn out so drastically.

There again, after losing the sustained gambler's luck for two hard rounds,
this time I am really sitting in, opening my gates,
letting the enemies to raid my city at will.
To think that I've persevere running over four years,
and then the tiredness came in at the last lap.

No matter what that has been done,
the last weeks of salvation and remedy are gone.
In front of me stands rows of obstacles, ready to be conquer.
Coming to this point, no matter how much time I spent tying up loose ends,
it would be cowardice of myself if I were to give in at the last moment.
With unceasing perseverance and unflagging courage,
I shall walk on and deal with these final challenges, one on one, without fear-

So help me God.