Return

I don't know why, but there is a sudden urge pulling me back here-
a place which I have forsaken and a site that everyone has forgotten.
After all, I have to admit that this is where all the feeling goes;
this blog have followed me through the hardest of times.
It must have been the feeling to shout-out,
that pulled me back here.

A lot had happened since the temporary-hiatus;
the same shit happens but just on different days.
School, homework, extra lessons, and...
Well I think my life basically just revolves around work.
And well, in a fortnight's time the first round of exams are coming,
but it seems like I've yet to be prepared.

I lost track of time- I don't know where I'm standing,
neither where am I heading, nor what am I doing.
It seems like I lost every reason and meaning for me to do something productive.
A simple 'why' just visioned everytime I ponder over to do something.
And life, became mechanical and routine;
you live everyday simply for the sake of living it.

My concentration shifted all the way onto schoolwork ever since the passing out.
With my discharge from the Corps, the cellphone seems to quieten down.
No more business, no more questions, no more requests.
Except for a few times whereby some classmates have questions regarding Humanities.

And well, previously the boys used to take up much of my life.
Every Friday, and also days whereby events are up on the list.
A few days back they faced the biggest turning point of their career;
attending the Specialists' Course.
I must say a handful of them produce astonishing results-
we got our first Award from a Phrase Two Course.
And a handful of Second Sergeants.

I must say as their previous Platoon Sergeant,
I took pride in their achievements.
After all, these people served under me once;
not to mentioned that I selected the next batch of leaders.
But yet, there are still a few rotten apples in the basket;
but thankfully, they ended up well.

At this point of time I'm having mixed feelings.
On one hand, I feel happy and proud;
the Sergeant Major, a couple of Specialists and some outsiders,
once said that this platoon will fail and crumble under me.
It seems like I've prove them wrong, or should I say,
the boys helped me proved them wrong?
Now this bunch of faggots can shut the hell up.
The boys, they succeed.

On the other hand, I wonder at this point of glory,
will the boys still remember me?
I wouldn't claim credit towards their achievements and outcome;
it still, after all, depended on their own perseverance and enthusiasm.
Those that did well, congratulations.
But well, to say a word of fact, I taught them, I trained them.
To the shiny apples, I plucked and polish them.
To the rotten apples, I never gave up on them.

Will they still remember the old master that see them through,
or thank themselves fully for the outcome?

Till now, all doesn't matter after all.
I've done my job, I've fulfilled my responsibilities.
At least, I got the dignity to face the Commanding Officer.
At best, I could walk with my head high.

Leaving a legacy, leaving a story? I doubt so.
At the start of the New Era, how many would remember the figures of the Past?
At the point of victory, how many would thank the guiding of the Past?
At the achievement of greater heights, would they remember, that they are scaling this world on a giant's shoulder?

Who remembered me-
for my deeds, for my sins, for my memories, of my legacy...
it doesn't really matter after all.
Life goes on, things move on- they've grown up; it's all up to them.
Leaving any respect for the old past, ha, it's not worth it.

For chance once let me lead a platoon of elites.
Now, I look forward to service in SAF and French Foreign Legion in the near future.