saturday.

"Inherited Will,
the Age of the People has arrived.
As long as People continue to pursue the definition of Freedom,
Nothing shall be ceased!"

this, is my quote for national day.
the third generation has arrived,
and even SM Goh has predicted the oncmoing of the next PM,
of the fourth generation.

but,
I foresee the New Era, the New Age!
now, this is Our Era, Our Time!
I told Daryl ytd,
one day, I'll fly my own colours,
I'll sing my own anthem!
even if I'm killed for this wild ambition,
I'll turn my flame of dreams into a fire that will brighten the world!

three generations has passed.
nothing can ever last till the fourth.
the flame of us, will burn upon the start of the New Era!

When there's a start, there will be an end; for there's no ending, there will be no beginning.

I look forward to life.
I look forward to future.

friday.

PART I

mah, today was so damn tiring.

came to sch early early for ndp.
then, meet up with mates at canteen.
and ltr the ndp was lyk so fast.
a bit screwed, but manage to give a gd job.

celebration at the hall was quite sian at first.
but ltr got community singing then everyone is lyk so damn high.
whooz~~~!
and now come to ken's hse to blog. lawl.

after this long holiday,
gonna be a wk of mugging and tests.
gonna stress out sia. sian.
and got e learning. maybe win some lose some larh.
at least not tht bad.

and happy bday singapore.
i love my soil man.

i always wanted to tell you.
but i find no chance. i find no courage.
i wanna noe how you feel.
i wanna let you noe, how i feel.
i wanna tell you, * **** ***.

im not very gd at words.
when i meet you, i dunno how to express myself.
but i just wanna tell you, * **** ***.

~~~

PART II

of course, when there's part one, there will be part two.
so, after the last blogging at ken's hse, i decided to edit it.
but not editing the actual text. lawl.

and beside doing wk,
we had some pizza, and played mahjong.
owned many rounds and dave just won bk all the chips in one round.
and then they dota-ed, and badminton a bit b4 leaving.

well,
had a men's talk with one of the grp members.
and this sharing, indeed, enrich me.
well, just found out how hard is the situation for my brother.
daijoubu, wood sure can store ice.
and seldom ppl say my blog makes sense.
he's the second one to tell me.

and just wanna say,
it hurts me when i see her coughing.
and i admit,
when i see her,
my heartbeat increase.
dun ask me why.

i just dunno how to show my care.
i just dunno how to tell you.
i just dunno how to potray it.
it seems hopeless at first,
but after the men's talk,
i feel much more secured.

haiz, teens are always teens.
i am a human too.

thursday.

another very simple day.

okay, so the day began with art.
and then for the other following lessons are all damn sian.
and had three periods of sci at the end.
and must apologise to Ms Tay for making so much noise.
not only me, the class too :X

geog test was so simple till i can do it without opening my eye.
make me waste two days hardcore studying geog. zzz.
and there's ndp tmr.
and after tht we're going to kenny's hse for a dry swim!
wah, look forward to tmr. lol.

well,
today was an 'informative' day in sch.
i heard of much of my peers' past.
next time must buy sara lee choco cake for dave during his bday.

actually, wanna to tell her * **** *** today.
but so suay tht mrs kok came into the class just as i was walking towards her.
really want to tell her.
but i think she will give me a slap and say negative stuff.
lol.

wednesday.

really, really, tiring today.

okay,
so lets not mention abt long hrs b4 recess;
and at chem i got bk my screwed results.
mah, daijoubu! lets work harder next time.

and CE was such a random period...
slack time. and at maths mr tham showed us some lame clips.
'mean, median, mode...'
and after a HCL slack session was time for some rest.

after a vball game with some classmates was ndp.
and just practice, practice, practice.
and we are going to wear FULL NO 4 on fri.
i mean, NO 4, NOT NO 3. get it?

and there's geog test tmr.
can handle larhs.
and i found out tht im finally sick.
despite 100 wide arm pumpings a day,
im sick. lovesick?

and its just bizzare tht i fall into this pit again.
looks lyk those one piece songs are wasted..
perhaps i just wanna pick up my courage,
and tell her, * **** ***.
but, everytime im there,
my tongue seems twisted,
and my charisma aint there.
it doesnt feel gd to hold a torch.
and i think, she doesnt share the same thoughts.
yes i noe, it doesnt match...but i couldnt control. argh.

and, minna, jiayou for geog test tmr.
and zhncc jiayou for everything,
my numb3r jiayou for CE proj,
and i must also jiayou. start me up.

i noe i dun fit her,
but, i cant control.
its just normal for any teens, dude.

tuesday.

oh, wad a day.

and it started off with a morning assembly.
listening to some CIP and work experience stuff.
wonder if they have wk attachtment to army or rsaf?

typically screwed PE,
cuz it was volleyball. dun ask so much.
and had a HCL formal letter test,
and then was lit.
quite okay larhs, and english was so damn dry.
can see ms suba cant tahan us liao. next time try not to disiao her.
maths ended the day and i went home. pretty plain?

well,
somehow, i kept thinking of something.
i felt extremely bad at PE, and even more at english.
somehow, i also want wad other teenages are after.
it doesnt meant tht when i started off badly i have to stay it tht way.
all along, i potrayed myself as a joker, in order to keep the show going.
but, after all, im ordinary lyk any one of you;
im nt superman tht can withstand those emotional pressure and peer aloofness.
i must say again, i dun wanna be viewed as the lower one anymore;
i want to soar and fly.

i thought it doesnt matter if i dun look gd.
i thought it doesnt matter if i have v shape.
but now it does matter.
ppl aloof me, for obvious first impression,
and v shape, is wtf-ing treated as 'fat' in zhss.

i would really want to tell her * **** ***.
but, looking at the situation,
its better tht i go bk to be the tough man tht walks alone.

oh, and i tell ziying tht she's a talent today.
for no reasons, but i see potential in her.
one day if i ever set up a crew or a political party, she must be the first to join.

bk to the story.
it just seems bad when u have nth u can be proud of.
i mean, no talents. no abilities.
so i always wanted something lyk mera mera no mi(fire fire fruit),
pika pika no mi(light light fruit),
or even oni oni no mi(demon demon fruit).
maybe with some abilities,
i might be a better person.

tell her,
i **** her,
and im serious.
mah, maybe its better to be tht tough man walking alone.
tales of the lone ranger aint too bad.

monday.

One should not enter by the back door. One who enters by the back door is a dishonour one. - Mdm Lim.

well, one quote by my p6 HCL tcher.
life was really, really strict then,
but it was good. perhaps my value for honour and chivalry, my realism, came from her.

okay, life today aint too bad nor too gd.
things were a bit of slack,
and home econs werent too messy either.
and had slack lessons lyk CE and ICT...
slow paced. and,
really want change seat with kenneth or yan hau.
there the fengshui not bad. lol.

somehow,
i tend to miss my primary sch HCL lessons.
compared to mdm zhang hong,
my p6 HCL tcher is far way better.
lessons were strict, workload were heavy,
but it was indeed, an enriching experience.
not only u pick up skills of academics,
morals, and values, are something u can get.
and all these just seems lyk it just happened ytd...

well,
life in primary sch was all abt being the overlord,
no women included.
now, because i wanted wad every guy wants at the start,
i screw my life since sec 1 orientation...

i really wish to return to that very state,
when im carefree, only caring abt the basic aspects of life.
somehow, i began to wonder if things were better if they were to be kept simple..
maybe i was too hot-headed and impulsive at the start.

somehow,
since i have choosen this path,
i have to continue walking on- no matter wad reasons.
it doesnt matter whether how carefree, how abstinence i am in the past,
wad matters is wad is happening now- im a joker, unlyk the past scholar;
im a 'flirt', unlyk the past gentleman.

maybe things were better if i kept my past state.
well, i just have to continue walking.

quite random arh this picture?
okay, up there u can see 5 ppl,
me, kenneth, chong kai, koh chin, jonathan.

i am now,
filled with a very calm and steady mindset.
maybe because i have been slacking alot for the past few hrs,
no other things than gaming and more gaming.

i think,
i have been turning more and more realistic.
somehow, i began to realise something of life- you have to be realistic.
i used to thought that im realistic enough.
but not now.

these few days, or the past wk,
as really, a very very great lesson for me.
somehow, one wk alone change half of my mindset,
which turn out to be so suprising.

i am very worried.
worried abt the company, worried abt my life, abt my studies, my future.
somehow, half of my class screwed up my future in zhss.
and there are even things tht screw me up in the company.
i am very worried abt my relationships.
im the one who ppl tend to betray,
im the one who must always play the bad guy.
in fact, i didnt want it this way.

whenever i looked at this foto,
somehow my thoughts will tell me,
"there are two ppl in this foto, who will cause an uproar,
one would bring glory and fame, and the other, destruction and extinction."
and i always view myself as the positive one.

i always believe tht things will always turn fine,
but for most of the times, they dun.
wad i am really worried abt now,
is the image tht i given to others.
no, no, the image they gave me.
playing the bad guy for so long,
all the negative words are chained to me.
and plus the kind of looks and figure i have,
life, really really screwed.

i dun wan to be lyk some low lying ppl.
i wan to be lyk the others.
even if david tan can attract gals,
i dun see the reason i cant.
even if kenny is view as the heir(which is of course, due to some reasons),
i dun see tht i cant do it.

somehow,
i used to think why i am always a step lower than others,
and im fated to be the one lying low.
perhaps this is wad tht cause my optimistic character,
and perhaps, the key to me being ambitious.

maybe somehow ppl say there's no one to play this role,
so i have to.
but i didnt want it.
i want to be lyk the others,
always given a chance.
yes, perhaps many times im given chances, in many arenas.
but chance to make me stay this way.

i rmb the times when my self esteem drop to negative 80,
and i commented myself on my looks.
those classmates of minesaid i dun nid a plastic surgery..
in fact, as i think bk,
if i dun get one, perhaps i can remain single my whole life.

but,
even if things are gonna stay lyk this as times goes on,
i will still say,
'i believe in that one tomorrow.'
and im gonna wk towards it,
defeating all obstacles on my road.

ok, this post is so damn random. lol.