well i can't.

in fact today is consider...quite normal for me.

getting very restless suddenly;
and this symptom strikes me every morning.
i wouldn't have the mood to do anything,
and then i'm in quite a dizzy state.
i guess that's the after effect of all the shit that happen.
looks like i have to get a remedy soon.

i suddenly thought of another reason why people came over here,
to read my post and sort.
like what she said at the tagboard;
maybe some people are looking towards another side of me.
a lot of people told me before,
that they are puzzled by how the real life me strikes a difference with the blog me.
well, in fact it's just the matter of one person,
acting under two personality.
here is where all my charisma lies.

well, at least today i never screw up badly at the oral;
come on my tester is Mdm Zhang Hong!
unless she choose to guai lan me and gives me a F grade.
which is unlikely to happen.

days comes and go like this.
and soon it's going to be the holidays.
well, i'm just thinking of how to kill time over the hols after RTC.

oh by the way,
today something happen.
i saw her crying.
the tears rolled down her cheeks like never,
and then, i just have an urge to go up to her,
give her a piece of tissue paper,
and yell at her, 'stop crying!'.
but then, somehow i feel like my balls dropped off,
and i didn't get that done anyway.
somemore there's so many people around.
don't want them get wrong idea.
it reminds me of those days back in the lower sec...
how those tears washed the hell outta me then,
and made me so much better a person.

many a times i find myself a person with much fear.
i couldn't get to let my dreams fly,
and sometimes, i don't dare to express my feelings.
today's oral conversation topic was on 'BGR',
which i just get stuck and mute there.
i'm really a failure in relationships.

tomorrow's wednesday;
well, middle of the week.
i've been expecting a lot of stuff this week that i should not expect.
well, i have a hill of work today;
but who gives a shit anyway!
even if the deadline's here, i don't even give a hell.
i'll just use my six inches long tongue to save my ass.

想放慢脚步，来看看天，看看海，看看星，看看树.....
看看你。

one survey, two surveys.

aiyo, today is another school day!
sometimes, having the feeling to dread coming to school,
isn't really that good.
firstly before i type anything,
i must say my heartfelt thanks to those people who cheered me on.
and to roly poly. thanks a lot for that tag :D

well things didn't go that nice today.
morning i had a joker who poked fun at me.
but that didn't spoils the appetite for the day.
what is killer is the drowsy and hectic schedule that is to come.
lessons lessons lessons. plus all the sh*t you will get from your 'residence'.
'learn to look at the positive side',
said one of my frens earlier in a convo.
but don't really like it when things ain't that positive.

tomorrow is an important day for me.
not because its oral, not because its release of FSD results;
but its the day that i can have another convo with Mdm Zhang Hong.
i really missed those days back in her class,
where she taught me so many wisdom of life.
maybe tomorrow i'll gain another little wisdom through her oral.

suddenly starts to like english lessons a lot.
now i really know what 用心良苦 means.
Mdm Linda Ng is one teacher who does that.
not just that she did her job;
she made that profession something that seems so saintly.

just thinking that Mr Ang told me to stop blogging for awhile,
but yet i'm here, writing my views.
well, in fact i don't really care if that bunch of people read this stuff or not;
what matters is that there are people out there who reads my blog,
like a habit, like addiction.
and i write for my own purpose, i write so that i'm happy!

well, sometimes i'm wondering if i'm wasting time as it comes.
studying for the sake of studying,
come home and everything's all about CS,
and then wasting half an hr of recess stoning in class;
well, in fact, that's how life is for me.
plain, a bit of aimless at the moment.
i would really like to have someone that i can really chat to;
not just acquaintances. wait, i don't even have acquaintances.

blogging in fact, becomes a life passion at this stage of life.
not just only it leaves me some records to reflect on;
it tells you readers how i feel, how i think.
and most importantly, this is my world;
my site where i can fly full fledged, without obstructions.
not like NCC with daggers trading all around,
not like my class..err (censored censored censored),
not like any other place else where i couldn't display my talents.
here people come for the sake of reading my post?
better than nothing.

had not gone to FAC for a long time.
because the policy changed that we have to return to assembly straight after our jogs.
wait till i learn how to pick that lock of my class,
so i can enter and leave class without obstruction.

fushicho no sake.

you know what, today suppose to be a nice sunday morning,
where i could really sit down and enjoy a bit of the weekend.
but then, thinking of the irksome homework my teacher left me,
spoils half of that sunny mood i'll have for today.
i guess i have to get all the shit settle by tonight.

suddenly i like to study about blogging.
the style of blogging, the content of post,
the amount of philosophy, the level of thinking.
well, when i'm just free i'll blog hop around,
hoping to find some blogs that are writing 'real good stuff'.
well, many people would just like to write about their daily life;
'today this happen....and so it ends.'
it becomes more like a online dairy or sort,
w/o much privacy.

for times i thought blog would be one nice place to spread my ideas and thoughts;
and it turn out to be true.
however, it takes a damn long time for people to agree with my philosophy;
one ex-classmate said to me before that,
'at first i thought your blog was seriously crap. but after months, i found out these are just words of wisdom.'
hence i put no hesitation to write post of daily life,
which each includes a daily inspiration.

at times people do change.
looking down my archives i would really laugh at how i think months back.
well, today it's my turn to laugh off at crappy blogs;
once upon a time i was being laughed off too for having a crappy blog.

maybe sometimes when we read certain people's blog,
we tend not to agree with the ideology of the posts.
hence in time, this earns us a negative stereotype and impression of us towards the blogger;
but in reality this is just a matter of 'different people thinks differently'.

when we are writing about certain ideologies in our dairies or blogs,
we don't really have to get others to agree with us;
we need ourselves to agree with ourselves.
we just need others to respect and acknowledge with us.

usually when we read blogs, the post often revolves around a certain style.
now that will be the factor that repulse people off,
or keeps you with die-hardcore fans.
different blogs focus about different things;
but all of them includes daily incidents of life.

some takes blog as a place to share their feelings, happiness and frustrations;
some, a place to spread their ideas, philosophy, words.
some, take it as a place to showcase whatever inspiration they gained,
some, a place perhaps to horne their languages.
to me my blog is where certain thoughts, certain things.
reading blogs is a good thing;
perhaps you might gained a little humour or enlightenment from that blog at the corner.

blog needs life.
i would say, the one that keeps this blog alive,
is not me, but those that took the effort to come here and read.
people who cares about me, people who hope to find evidence to sabo me,
people who likes reading my post, or people who likes to see me screwed;
these are the ones that gave run-the-road its life.
without you guys reading this blog,
i wouldn't have the heart to write all these post.

thank you for all your support,
and special thanks to those hardcore fans like leo.
thanks a lot peeps.

back :D

okay. i am back. back by popular demand.

actually thought of really going into recluse for two months.
but thinking about it, it's going to have long term effects.
it's going to affect my writing skills,
as well as my reasoning, analysing skills.
so, i've decided, to put more censorship and write lesser each time.
and try to write about more meaningful things barh. hahas.

FSD just finished today.
well, the preliminary rounds.
thinking back about FSD, it was a high challenge,
as well as a life lesson to me.
i really learned a lot about life in FSD.
to know what the men wants,
how to bridge between the superiors and the subordinates,
as well as how to work efficiently with your peers.
we officially took two weeks to prepare,
and being able to give such a standard performance at HQ today,
i really feel happy and proud of those who stick with me in the team.
and FSD was what that taught me,
'it's not the end product, but it is the process that does matters.'
thanks guys, for all the teamwork and effort put in.

how a load have been release fro me,
it's time for me to reschedule the time to do something else.
well, i think i'll try to use these time for gym, exercising;
PFT is round the corner, so might as well tone myself well for the PFT.

and then, thinking about it, it's really not a good choice to close the blog.
well, there's a group of frequent visitors to my blog;
that was what that motivated me to blog daily then.
well, blogging not just only allows me to portray my thoughts and philosophy;
it also helps me a great deal in my english.
so, at first mr ang said that blogging was one factor that makes the class shun me.
well for now, who gives a damn about all these!
as long as i know, for now, i've changed a great deal,
and there's a purpose for life,
i don't think i really need to give a mind about how others think of me.
let it work the old way;
let them learn to accept, like how 2e3'09 did so.

just feels that after today,
another chapter of life have ended;
yet another one is coming.
and i realised how much different i am compared to what i am in the past,
which i only realised when some old classmates told me.

sometimes i feel that life shouldn't be too hardcore.
'happiness is success', said one of my ex-classmate;
yes, as long as we are happy being ourselves,
happy doing with what we are doing,
we are already considered successful people.

thinking about situations back in school;
its still a big headache for me.
maybe i'll try the old trick by,
'proving you wrong by doing it in your face'.

to conclude, i must say,
i don't really cares about what defamers and wimps think after reading my post.
mr ang told me to stop blogging because,
there are ppl who reads my blog and gets the damned wrong idea,
and starts to defame me.
well who gives a damn about it? let it be!
as long as i know, there are tons of people out there who knows how i'm like actually,
and then there are people who knows how i actually think,
and there are people who decipher my post,
that's already more than enough.

Be yourself. Be happy.

rolling waves

a day come, and is going to end. like this.

somehow today seems a bit of pleasant, for no special reason.
english lesson was fun this morning.
we did something on physical description,
and then the work's pretty interactive.
just realised that i began to like all the teachers teaching my class.
haha, dunno why, but i just like them.

really liked physics and HCL lesson today.
we had this experiment during physics,
which resulted in me and aren spilling a bucket of water on the floor.
and poor Ms Ng have to clean the mess :X

somehow began to find the new HCL teacher, Mr Zou(sp?) a nice guy.
he's quite interactive, and he's somewhat a joker.
oh, and i can see that he practice a bit of the okama-way.
next time i shall be okama to him :D

and then had tuition, which was suspended last week.
miss all the usual jokes, guai lan actions in the class.
at least i see a little bit of those today. fun larh haha.

and i just realised, how much i hate people who are boastful,
who are stubborn, for the current moment.
then i just realised that i used to be a person,
that was stubborn, boastful.
really, not to show off or what,
but i feel the change that was brought along when the series of events taken place.
now, i've learned to be more cool-headed, soft, humble.
well, i really hope that this change will be for eternal;
i like being who i am now.

made a little daily prayer for myself,
which maybe i'll put up in my profile.
it goes like this:

grant me the willpower;

to be the fiercest in chaotic times,
to be the calmest in peacetime,
to use my strengths to overcome my shortcomings,
to be able to overcome whatever obstacles that comes my way,
to remind myself to be humble and low-profile always,
to abstain myself from sinful actions and deeds, and prevent them from happening,
to uphold justice all the time, to the utmost,
to gain knowledge and enlightenment from every single event i go through,
to bear with the most unbearable, to soften the hardest,
to fight all enemies that are against social morals,
to endure through all hard times,
to be thankful for whatever i have,
to be gracious with whatever i'm given.

and to throw away all unhappiness and sadness that happen everyday,
so i can start the next day happy and joyful.

hiso hiso.

school today...well, at least i survived.
it's kinda plain today.
not much big stuff are going on,
and things are quite...bland.

received back many test papers today.
well, just feels very numb.
results doesn't really matters too much,
since i never really study too hard for any test.
at least i'm glad that most of it,
those test, are officially over when we got back our results.

i'm a person who hardly enjoy chem lessons,
but yet i enjoy the three period chem lesson today.
suddenly feels that Mrs Ang have the 'typical kind of aunt' personality.
things feels weird when the science teachers 'target' you all the time;
well, these funny times with Ms Ng, Mrs Ang will turn into memoirs that i'll miss next time.

again, did the weekly survey for my 'residence' today.
seems like things ain't improving to any good.
well, it's a bad thing that you can understand people's thought w/o them saying.
just wonder if things would reach a stage for me to use my trump card. hmm.

FSD tomorrow. really want to horne things.
well, seems like things would be quite okay for tomorrow.
hope it does turns out this way.

one for all, all for one.

today is quite a pleasant day;
much of curriculum time went by quite peacefully.
results aint too bad; at least i passed :D
just feels that the morning pass by peacefully.

FSD in the afternoon.
manage to get the music going with the whole routine.
surprisingly, the music sounds nice,
and it coincidentally suits the routine.
and after we played it over the PA system,
even Mrs Maybrie Ang came out to 'praise' my song :D

everything went so well.
at the second rehearsal,
the men's morale was at their peak;
they did the drills perfectly and sharply,
and we even attracted a large crowd to look at us.
that was went i felt so proud of my mates;
and this, gave me a slight satisfaction in myself.

but later some thing happen....and that morale was gone.
gone like that. manage to persuade the men to do one last rehearsal.
but then, it wasn't as good as the second one.

over here, just wanna say something to my dear FSD 2010:

My fellow brothers and mates,

I remember the times, the times that we had together in FSD.
The times when we just started, and there were still various specs helping.
The times that we finally get things rolling,
with quarrels and disagreement.
The times when the team is about to fall,
but yet we picked ourselves up again, and worked together.

That very miracle that happen on last Friday,
which brought back the dreams of many.
Lofty ambitions of winning top 3 in Central,
ideas of celebrations, chalets, LAN parties.

from how devastated I am when the team is about to fall,
till how much hope I felt when we were given one more chance.
You guys were the one that gave me another chance;
You guys were willing to do one last fight with me.

We revived our dreams again.

I'm really happy that some of my mates tried to help me today;
I'm even happier to see everyone giving their fullest support for the team.
Even though only two-third of the team was here,
but you guys did an excellent job, and won honour in front of the school.

No matter whatever shit that happen, like what happen today,
I will use my name and live to prevent it from happening again.
I rather lose my rank, than the morale of my men.

I know that you guys had your morale dampened by what happen.
Team, one chance is hard to come.
If we can pick ourselves up from being dismissed,
I believe today is just a small obstacle to cross.
I'm really happy with the commitment and good drills during the rehearsal.
Let's go beyond that the next time, team?

Remind yourselves of the commitments on the bus on that day.
Remind yourselves of the difficult times we went through.
Remind yourselves of the glory when Infocomm looked at us today.

Team, these hardships are worthwhile.