永不退缩

my father just kinda 'reprimand' me a bit today,
cuz it's like i never got my mother a present for mother's day.
i never did that for 15 years in my life.
neither father's day, their birthday, etc.
i guess, sometimes i might be a bit a failure as a son.

but i do have something to give my mother after all.
i wanted to get rid of what that is causing her sufferings in this nation.
that, is also what that is causing many suffering in this country.
i vow to give peace, prosperity, freedom and democracy to all.
i guess that is what that every citizen wanted,
as well as my mother.

i don't know what suddenly took that change in me.
a bit of changing into the old me.
which i remind myself of the vows i abandoned in the past,
and then retook them as a target, and head towards them.
sometimes, the price of maturity is hard to pay.
that is the time where the hopes of others becomes your dream.
never do i want to become someone like army officer, naval captain, etc.
i want to do something big, something big that saves the earth.
something that they will name the era after me.

it's another school day tomorrow.
again i say here once more,
i ****ing dread school.
and i doubt my results will be anywhere better-
better than the feeling i have for school.

well, not only the 'resistance' towards school.
and also all the homework, and thirst for knowledge.
all that feeling in the class, the feeling some teachers gave me,
just tells me that school ain't the place for me.
really, a person who have level ranking last year,
suddenly felt all these throughout the months,
and in a week to come, he is going to lose his rankings to others.
again, maybe i'm going to lose something i own.
the last bit of yitian's properties.
then, i'm really left with nothing,
except for my cellphone and my spectacles.

but i guess i'll be alright.
after a holiday at the specialists' course and OBS,
i guess i'll be alright.

and i think after that i'm going to prove my worth again,
like how i did it in the past.