Career Seminar

It's been a long, long day;
We had a long 'Career Seminar' in school lasting till 4.30pm,
and it was a bit of dry for most of the times.
Well, saying that it was a 'Career Seminar',
all the school did was to get successful ex-students back here,
like professors, directors, etc, to share about their success stories,
and how they attributed it to the school for first realizing their potential.

My mind was mostly blank throughout the whole seminar,
which comprises tertiary institutions giving a presentation about themselves,
and also some exhibitions by various tertiary institutions,
and not to forget about the talks by those ex-students.
However, despite my rejection towards the stuff from the seminar,
this seminar indeed send me into deep thoughts, again;
and so I wonder...

If one day there's a chance whereby I could be like one of them,
standing in front of my juniors, as an ex-student and a successful person in society,
well, at that point of time, who am I and what will I be doing?

I guess most people had their way ahead plan beforehand;
they knew where they should be standing in 10 to 20 years time,
and viewed the education today as little steps towards their big dreams.
Some though didn't looked as far as them;
but they have a clear idea where their next checkpoint would be.

For me, let me just live the current and do the current;
I'm not quite sure about where's my next checkpoint,
needless to mention about my desired destination.
To say that I'm unsure, unclear, unmotivated or under-prepared,
I would say, all four of them, actually.

But back to the question; so I ask myself if one day I'm going to be one of those ex-students up there,
giving a presentation, and showing how successful they are...
who would I be, what will I be doing?
First daydream thoughts is that I could visualize myself in the Legionnaire uniform,
sharing my stories as the first Singaporean to join the French Foreign Legion,
impressing the boys, holding them in awe... Something like that.

If not, then I'll be some kind of person having an unique profession,
which this profession seems mysterious to many people,
yet amazes everyone with whatever I do in my vocation.

Aha! So that's it; perhaps I've sort of answered a question I've yet to answered for 16 years.

What I really want is something out-of-the-box, something unconventional;
something different, yet unique at the same time.
Perhaps I don't feel content or happy doing whatever that everyone's doing,
or just living up to people's expectations.
I want to do something that I really want to do, something different,
something that suits my personality, something that just clicks with me.

So I thought about it, I need a dream that is different;
I need an aspiration that is unique in its own ways,
I need to do it, everything, in my own manner.

I don't want to do something that earns a lot, or will get me somewhere,
maybe I'll just be fine doing something that makes me myself.

So again I asked myself, 'What is that which I do will make me myself?'
Honestly, I have difficulties answering to this question.

I guess the problems lies deeply in my interest;
I don't know what I'm good at, I don't know what I really like;
I'm not so sure where my interest lies in.
For a good 16 years in life, most projects that came through my hands,
or having me appointed as leader,
will just end up either as a failure or as a sub-pass.

Here, I asked myself, so what can I do? What am I exactly good at?

It seems like none is the answer when I spammed myself with such questions;
but then in one moment I recalled one of the best part of memories:
the times leading my A-Team, teaching them, training them, guiding them.
Then I wonder, among my failed career as a NCC cadet,
is this something that I've done wrong again,
or least make a difference somewhere that makes it alright?

A doctor could cure many patients, yet it seems difficult to cure himself;
at times, I wonder how true it is in this case.
But in this instance I put this into relation with my future;
sometimes, I just couldn't motivate and guide myself to my next checkpoint,
but yet I could lead others to a higher level than where they are now.

Yes, this is the 'something different' that I always wanted to do.
Doing something not for myself, not for my family, but for the masses, for a cause.
Leading not myself, not my peers, but strangers.
That's what I really want to do;
like a candle, I ignite myself, only to bring light and warmth to others.

I want to inspire lives, as well as sustain to dimming lives, creating new lives.
I'm not a pro at driving myself;
but I know that there's a huge group of people out there that needs me to drive them more than driving myself.

So what, a platoon sergeant like what I used to be? No.
Then a teacher, or a lecturer to add value to students? No.
What about a speaker, whose words can touch the hearts of many? Maybe.

I thought of being a counsellor, pulling people back to where they should be;
yet at this time, one fierce yet inspiring job came into mind:
A Prison Warden.

After all, I just want to make a difference, for life, that's all.

Finding . Friends

I guess if love is one that many desire,
then friends are something that is essential in life too.
Like love, friends are what that makes life colourful-
filling one's life with laughter, purpose, happiness and all sorts of memories.

All of us desire for friends;
one that we can share our joy and troubles with,
one is is willing to stand by us against all odds,
one who is willing to render all help when we are down,
one who is always there shining for us like a star in the sky,
even if we don't see them at times.

But sometimes I just like to ask myself,
what exactly is the definition of friends,
and what exactly is friendship?
How do I define a bond between me and another person as friendship?

To relate what in the end makes me define this relation,
let me begin my story when I first interact with people of my age.

I guess much interaction between people of our own age starts when we were four or so.
Back in the years when we're a toddler, life just revolves around our parents and family.
However when we first started pre-school, that was when we met a deal of people who were as of the same age as us.
Despite being in the same class, we never addressed each other as classmates;
instead, we like to use the term friend.

I was a meek and silent boy when i was much younger,
and hence I didn't have much of a 'friend' in kindergarten.
While others like to sit down and play together,
I preferred doing my own stuff away at another corner.
However there were two boys I met in kindergarten;
who change my perspective of school forever.

When I was much younger at age 5 I always thought school was bad;
you get scolded by the teacher, you get picked by other students,
and then you got to do homework and sing the songs you didn't want to sing...
and that put me away from school.
It was them- these two boys who encourage me to school,
accompany me in all activities in school,
and give me a push whenever I need.
Sometimes I would wonder why they would go to such extend for a classmate back then;
maybe because we're much more innocent then,
and we treat everyone of our age as 'friends'.

Nevertheless, they taught me that school was a fun place.

I'm pretty sure that I didn't have much friends in Primary school;
much of my time was occupied by homework and studying,
that results in my lack of social interaction to forge bonds.
However there's always a deal of awesome people in school,
who seems to be the most wonderful people on Earth;
at first they used to let me join the activities,
but soon we drifted apart due to the differences in personality.

So I didn't really have much of a friend then;
they were just nice classmates that would cooperate and help everytime you need them.

The real nightmares begins in Secondary school;
I met a dozens of different personality,
which is much of a contrast to my Primary years where the people were straightforward and suave.
Some are real introverts, while some are extreme extroverts;
Then I don't know why there are also scheming people,
evil, business-minded bastards who only seeks profit;
also the so-called 'cool guys' who think that they are the top of the world,
and treat everyone else like dung.

Yet despite the mass difference between people in this institution,
I came across people who I shall address them as 'Comrades'.
Those were the real ones who seem to be much similar to you,
sharing the same aims, dreams and thoughts-of-life.

First group of people that I would address as comrades were two brave soldiers who have seen 'action' with me in the 'frontline':
CK and CJ, my respective superior and aide-de-camp in the Corps.
I'm not too sure of how everything started then,
but it seems like we hit it off very well;
maybe due to the similarities in some areas that we shared.
It was a whole deal of fun;
who often joked together during training, tekan the same people during training,
and also share our weals and woes with each other.

Yet on the much serious side, we were always by each other's side at times of crisis;
we faced the music as one, and solved the problems together.
It just resembles any of those war movies I've watched;
one for all, all for one, together we can make a difference.

Indeed, we went on to create history in our CCA.

Come to a point there's also another comrade who once fought with me;
back in Secondary 2, we were from the same class;
but yet it seems like the bond went beyond that of a classmate.
We do our morning jogs together, spent time outside together,
and then share our troubles and joys together too.
Fret not, we are not gays;
it's just that there is some form of similarity that pulls us together.

However the sad thing is that once the similarity is gone,
the bond is never there anymore.
It remains as one of the silent regret in life.

There's also a couple of hundreds of people I came across;
many had lend me a helping hand whenever I needed one,
but sometimes it just seems like there's no one else that is willing to fight by my side.
I came across people that hi off with me instantly;
but yet there seems to be not much of a similarity to keep us bonded.

Till date I've met several people in life,
and I only manage to build relations with some of them;
and among these 'some of them',
I only manage to build closer ties with a few of them.

So how do I define friends?
It's not just adding each other on Facebook, having each other's contact number,
chatting every once in a while, and share some jokes sometimes that makes one a friend.
I guess a friend is worth so much more than that;
but it's pretty ironic I don't know how much more.
So when some acquaintances tries to address me as a friend,
deep down in heart I always wonder that whether this person view friendship lightly,
or just define everyone that he or she knows as a friend.

As for those comrades;
they're like another form of bond.
The brotherhood bond, I would say, needless for anything to serve as a foundation of friendship.
Well, why? Because we are brothers;
there's never a need for something to serve as a bonding platform between brothers.

Maybe on the contrary, I myself define 'friendship' higher than its value;
that's why there are certain aspects I viewed as essential to calling one person my friend.

I wouldn't say that I'm bad at building relations,
but it's just that it seems like I couldn't find the right people.

So, who are my friends actually?
That's why Walker is walking alone everytime.

'Alte Kameraden', meaning 'Old Comrades'(above video);
dedicated to those who have once fought by my side,
and those who have treated and viewed me, as a friend.

Encounters . Enchanted

I'm pretty sure that as ordinary mankind,
it is certain that we lust for many, many things.
There are so much out there which we desired for-
however, I believe that it is undisputed that there is one thing that all of us want:
Love, that is it.

Be it family love, the concern between friends, or the sweetness between a couple-
all of us want to be loved, and we are willing to love.
But today I, Walker, shall temporarily put the love of a family and friends aside;
perhaps among so many forms of love,
all of us desired for the simple yet sweet relation between a male and a female,
which is something that I believe to be able to conquer all obstacles and fight against all odds.

For a start, maybe I shall share some of my 'experiences'.

I'm a simple and innocent child for much of my 16 years on Earth,
however the first time I got involved with something related to a boy-girl-relation was back at the age of 10,
when I was in Primary Three, or Four.
That was a pretty awkward situation then;
this sister of a schoolmate of mine(now still a schoolmate in ZHSS),
took a liking to me, which I find to be kind of haunting.

I believe that all of us seek for perfection during childhood,
so what that puts me off in this encounter was the 'external' factors;
she ain't very good looking, and not so smart either.
So I was totally put off; despite that we were close acquaintance for a couple of years,
but I tried distancing myself away from her after she 'made herself clear'.
And no doubt I stop all forms of socializing with her brother and family,
which I was certainly kind of close to;
and that really puts them off.

Yet this little encounter still lingers as a childhood nightmare,
and it was the start of a curse that follows me for the rest of my life.

I wonder if any of you readers ever had some experience at 'online relationships';
something like you spent too much time online,
you met a girl(or a guy), and became virtual partners;
despite not meeting each other in real life,
you all build the bond and relation over the communication devices.

One of the most memorable encounter with people was when I met a girl online;
back then the dumb MSN Messenger was all that matters when we don't have Facebook, Twitter or Blogger.
So, I met this girl online; a year older than me, from the same school,
but we never met in real life.
However, we exchanged contacts online;
that sprouted into some sort of friendship that is dependent on the telephone or the computer.

So I would spent hours talking on the phone or on MSN with her;
I don't know if I were to classify this as some form of relationship,
but at the period of time she was the girl that gave the most impact on my life.
Her voice was sweet, she was understanding, she controls her temper well,
and she said I'm someone with split personality.

Sweet encounter that lasted for a couple of years;
back then I was Primary Five.
But we gradually lost contact as she moved up to Secondary Three...
so that's the end to one chapter,
that I hope to see a sequel in.

Then later in Secondary One I met this classmate of mine;
first time that someone really attracted my attention.
And first time that I ever act like an idiot;
but things didn't start off well, needless to say.
She hates me then, and I'm a real jerk then;
so, it's like a thunderstorm when she realize the attraction I had for her.

For the rest of Secondary One I'm trapped in this cycle,
and just couldn't get her off my mind.
That was the first encounter with infatuation or something like that;
be it some kind of fresh then, it isn't very pleasant to recount on this.
I guess this awkward situation is wide known by the school;
me ending up as the failure and loser of this chapter of the story.

Till date, all the old feelings were long gone;
she remains as one of the better friends in life,
and we supported each other in moving to our respective goals in life.

Yet one of the worse encounter yet to mention was when I was Secondary Three.

There's this fairly plump young lady who misunderstood me for stealing at the Pau Shop in the school canteen.
At that was when she knew me, started to talk to me,
and then, I would say start to stalk me.
It wasn't a good start as we knew each other through a misunderstanding;
that didn't gave me much of a good impression of her.
And after sometime getting familiar with me,
she starts meddling with my life, which totally piss me off.

And went around acting like she got something to do with me.
Too much infiltration and irritation to my personal life.

And to cut the long story short:
Later when she confessed to me, I just reject her and 'shove her away'.
Well, I used a lot of heavy language,
and that made her hate me for life.

Perhaps I have yet to mentioned of the best;
back when I was still in Secondary Two, I was at the prime of teenage.
Slim figure, huge muscles, and, pretty smart then.
So I hit off with a Primary school classmate of mine;
she was a foreigner, she's pretty, hot, good at sports, smart.

We met each other again like on MSN;
and then it soon developed into something beyond friendship.
I remember there was a time she said she would pay me a visit,
(She lives in Bukit Timah and I live in Pasir Ris)
and I thought she was joking.

The she was at my doorsteps the next second.
Very, very touching.

However good things doesn't last long;
as we moved up to Upper Secondary,
we gradually lost contact of each other.
So, I considered it an end? I don't hope so.

So, many people came and went.
Some left footsteps, some left nightmares;
but a few of them left everlasting memories,
that accompanies me to sleep when I'm having insomnia.

To date I'm dejected and all-out;
girls despise me, but well, that doesn't matter.
I don't desire much from relationships;
maybe I shall choose to stay single till death.

Ironically, I've never went into a true relationship,
but my encounters taught me so much,
that I act as a Love Guru and counsellor to a few of my peers.

Maybe at this point of time I would like to thank all of them;
for all the stuff they taught me,
all the encounter they gave me,
and also, all the memories they left me with.

And now, Walker prefers walking alone.

My Ambition

In every Primary student's life,
there is bound to be a time whereby their teachers get them to write this essay;
a straightforward, yet profound and in-depth one.

"My Ambition";
often kids came upon with dreamy and kiddy content,
like being a teacher, doctor, lawyer, etc.
I remember the first time my teacher got me to write this essay was back in Primary 2.
That time, being ignorant and childish,
I didn't really have much of a dream that I wanted.
I've thought of being a cop back when I was in nursery;
but well, this occupation doesn't seem to be much forward-looking in that demanding school of mine.
So, I just scribbled a 'lawyer' and went on crapping about it.

Then in Primary Five my form teacher again got me to write something similar.
"What you hope to be in the future";
back then I was increasingly interested in history and politics,
so I, with much naivety, wrote down a 'politician'.

So later with that disappointing PSLE score of mine I went into my current school.
I joined the Corps, so the ambition was temporarily changed to 'soldier'.
Later I started watching the anime One Piece,
and the 'soldier' in me kind of evolve into some kind of 'marine' or 'naval officer'.

Yet however this little aspiration of mine was smashed when I got screwed in my CCA,
and faced with a lot of conflicts and politics in that company.
With much of a negative light and cynical view of the NCC,
I simply brushed off that 'marine' in me;
there onward, I didn't have a fixed ambition or a realistic dream to motivate me.

Other than these, there are many times in life that I thought of being something;
I thought of being a writer when I began to developed my writing skills,
as well as winning a few writing-related awards and earned a fame for writing.
I've also thought of being a counsellor,
when I was being counselled by the school counsellor for my problems.
There is also a time whereby I thought of being a businessman;
to learn the ropes of business and win the game of life.

But many a times, these demanding aspirations are smashed right in my face,
when I faced up with academic failure or ability inadequacy.

Often I get dejected in life,
because I perceived that I didn't have a vivid dream that will drive me to the future.
People around me either have a relationship or a dream;
it is what that motivates and drives them for good grades respectively.
Often, I gave myself the excuse that because I didn't have an ambition,
then I shouldn't have a reason to work hard.

There are also times whereby these ambitions faced cynical response;
peers, family, teachers sometimes thrashed these little room of growth...
"You think you're capable of doing so? Look at your results!"
"Stop being unrealistic and get a life la..."
"I think its time that you really, really start planning and not daydream..."
"Ha, who do you think you are, let us just wait and see!"

Often, these ambitions proved to be vulnerable to sarcasm.

Then I sat down and began to wonder.
Why did I change my ambitions so often,
why are my ambitions so easily shattered,
why are my actions never bringing me anywhere to my ambitions?
Why, after changing a few ambitions to suit myself,
I just couldn't get it right?

Then I just realized why:
since the start, I've never been serious in writing this essay on 'My Ambition';
thereafter, I've never reflect upon this essay to my actions in reality.
I've never been serious about anything,
I've never put any of these ambitions in the priorities of life,
and I've never, never get really cracking to move myself towards them.
They are just like empty promises- that's why they shatter so easily.

So now I sat down and began to plan seriously about this,
the essay that was not completed for 10 years.
But facing academic failure, relationship problems and lost of direction in life,
all that appears in my mind when I thought of ambition was the French Foreign Legion.

Now why is that another ambition of mine?
Because I've heard of people saying that's where you can start everything afresh;
a different life, a different routine, a different identity.
perhaps that is what that i yearn most in this directionless life of mine.
That's why I aspire to be a Legionnaire.

But yet, it takes effort to train and build up in order to be part of the Legion;
so right now, what am I going to do,
in order to get this last ditch of completing the undone essay a successful one?

Yet, it seems like I still lack the answer that I desired.

Reversing It

A couple of things on mind today;
I woke up in the morning feeling a burst of energy through me,
and then went off to school for the last written paper for this preliminary exams.
And then, I'm back here, tying up some loose ends and having some personal time.

A couple of things happened recently that lingers in my mind;
the exams are somewhat coming to an end, with me utterly defeated.
But what's more important now is to actually set the sight far for the O levels,
and maybe, that's the ultimate checkpoint instead of the school exams.

With this, I feel a little bit more relaxed,
and gave myself some excuse to slack away from work for a couple of minutes.

Today I kept thinking of a question:
Is something that is previously damaged or spoiled, reversible to go back to the past status that it supposed to be?
Or would certain actions done to spoil something be eternal,
and we could never rewind to fix the situation to be like what it used to be as of before?
Would any efforts at the current moment be useful in reversing the situation?
Is there still hope?

Often there is regret in me for wasting a couple of hours away somewhere;
like not studying hard enough for a test, not doing my best in my assignments, etc.
Usually some kind of pathetic results appear of the situation to wake me up;
from then I knew that I need to take action to remedy, or reverse the situation.

Often time and hard work solves as the best remedy to such incident.
You flunked a test, you work harder for the next one.
You missed a chance, you wait for the next to come.
Some situations are reversible- not until the last moment,
you never knew what is the ultimate outcome.
I guess that explains of why people do the last minute mugging everytime.

So I thought, if I screwed up my grades this time round,
it is reversible- there's still another round of exams before the O levels.

But yet, there are some things that ain't reversible after certain actions;
in spite of time and hard work, things will never return to be the same.

So what am I trying to talk about here?
I would like to say that in this world there are two forms of situation:
The first is situations that are reversible and could be salvaged.
The second one are situations that you couldn't look back.

Relations and friends, if you get what I mean.

Recently I patched up with an 'old' friend of mine,
after much of the cold shoulder and cold war.
And it's like the infinite time that we made it back after quarreling.
So I wonder, am I able to revert everything to be as of the same in the past?
Or would the little friction and tension previously becomes a dark cloud over the bond?

I don't know what would it be this time round;
but it seems like my bond or relation with someone weaken everytime after a conflict or a quarrel.
Perhaps the problem just lies with me, I have to admit.

So, eager to reverse the situation,
I guess I have to put in double the effort for everything;
to do my best in what's left of the academics,
to show more concern or better attitude to peers around me,
and perhaps, to be a better person.

Maybe that is how it would reverse the situation, who knows.

Yet at times, it seems like certain things couldn't be as good as in the good old days...

If I had a chance, maybe I would like to start all over again.
Of course, without all the slacking and callousness in my work,
and to be a nicer person to friends and peers.
That would removed all those conflicts;
ironically those are the conflicts that made people understand each other better.

Yet without the friction, people wouldn't be strangers.

So what's the situation now?
The road ahead is long, and there are encounters yet to be met;
here, I shall try my best to do my best in everything,
with hope of new opportunities in the future,
as well as reversing those old opportunities that are long gone.

And so, I shall walk on.

CCA Appreciation: Recognizing the Sai Kang(Unsung) Warriors

It's another nice beautiful Monday morning which happens to be a school holiday,
and while I'm going to wrap up of what's left of my revision,
I received a message from one of my mates in the Corps.
There's a high possibility that something drastic is going to happen everytime we get together,
but to my prediction, he brought me the bad news that I had been awaiting.

So here's the story:
There's this little ceremony every year in school,
whereby the school would actually 'appreciate' individuals who contributed merit to the CCA or organization.
They call it the 'CCA Appreciation Day';
while many of the seniors worked hard just for recognition on this day,
with all the applause, honour and glory,
yet I've always viewed it as some form of victory parade for the winners of the school.

So coming down to my last year in secondary school,
it happens that now it is my turn to go up on stage.
What a surprise, really; I've never thought much about any appreciation in my CCA.

So along with my aide-de-camp CJ and a few other mates,
we've been given the lowest of all honours in this victory parade.
They call it an appreciation award;
basically just to appreciate your hard work and effort for the CCA and the school.

Yet instead of being elated, I felt some kind of frustrated;
not at the fact that I'm give the lowest honour,
but with the reality that this is an unfair system.

Every year I see decorated NCOs walking up the stage,
donning that uniform of theirs which is covered with medals.
They were the real creme de la creme;
those that have fought and won glory for the school in regional or national competitions.
These are the people that was ensured a smooth career in their CCA,
and ended up as the biggest winner every year.

However yet there is another group of people left unnoticed.
These are the people who did the lowest of all jobs in their CCA;
while the Club President or Company Sergeant Major is planning big events,
these people are always running errands, tying up the loose ends,
as well as being a mediator and middleman between the top dogs and the lower caste.
I've always believe and view these people as the true warriors of their CCA;
but alas, many addressed them with the term 'Sai Kang Warrior'(shit jobbers).

I'm not very sure which category I belong to,
such that it made my presence an additional decoration to the whole ceremony.
I'm a Staff Sergeant who earned my rank through internal merits;
I never participate in competitions to win glory for the school,
but I trained the very first A-Team that earn the school an honour roll.
I sew my rank because of my effort, not my merit.

After much thinking, I believe that I belonged to the other group.

On the day of the ceremony, many of the school's top dogs;
those who hosted parades and events, those who won merits and honours for the school,
those who gave the school its sustained achievement on the national platform;
they are walking up the stage, receiving the highest of honours,
enjoying the long awaited applause of the crowd under the stage.

Yet also on that very day,
another group of people shall sit in the hall's gallery;
these are the Warriors who ran errands, mop the floor and tied the loose ends,
and did everything else to ensure that every detail of the event is accounted for;
they sit side by side on the gallery, clapping for those decorated ones,
feeling happy and joyful for their fellow mates upon stage.

But they graduated without much, perhaps none appreciation for their measly efforts,
which adds up to be the foundation and backbone for the sustained merits.

Are you like those decorated top dogs,
who earned your rank and post with merits and prizes;
or are you like me, another shit jobber who contributed silently at the backstage?

The stone on top of Mount Everest faced the world with pride and glory;
proud that it is the highest point of Earth,
glorified because it is at the top of all stones.
Yet without the millions and billions of stones forming the foundation of the Everest,
how, may I ask, would this top stone be more important that the stones that form the base?

Appreciation, I believe, doesn't comes from medals and certificates.

It comes from the content and happiness you received,
because of your little effort that aids to the smooth procedure of the event.

Having done your best and you're sure of it,
that is the best appreciation.

Today I, Walker, stand in pride to give the loudest applause to all of the backstage crew.

Without your running of errands, tying of loose ends,
never would the top dogs strike a good victory,
sustaining the glory of the school.

With this, I applause for you guys!

Well done, everyone!

A rodent and a cat

Army Day, as well as a Friday;
took my Physics paper wearing my decorated uniform.
There's a mixed feeling within me today,
as well as a whole deal of thoughts;
ideas and plans came galloping around my mind,
yet it seems like not many of them are put into action.

I was on my way to school today,
and I saw something I would say, unusual to urban beings.
It was 0630 hours in the morning,
and I saw this cat 'dueling' with a rodent.
The cat is frail, weak and malnourished;
the rodent, a small little rat that looks like it just reached its teenage.
The rodent's dexterity was too fast for the cat's paw;
after much struggle, it manage to escape within the perimeter of danger.

So the little rat took a turn at a corner,
and scurried away quickly.
The cat went hot on heels, but stopped at the bend of a wall.
There the rat believes that it is out of danger;
it slows down and crawl off, flamboyantly that it once again escape the gates of Hell.
Here, the cat hid at the corner;
listening carefully to the surroundings and on high alert,
the cat is determined to eat its breakfast.

So after a few steps the rat paused,
believe that the cat have given up the chase.
But not in this case;
the cat have the situation in its paws,
and is ready to strike anytime.

At the very crucial moment, the cat hesitated;
it wonders would this ambush meant a sumptuous meal,
or would it, because of its inferior skills, leads to a hungry morning.
The cat isn't so sure of its plans now;
it stood stationary, and listen, observed the situation once more.
The cat is eager to strike successfully- at all cost.

Here the rat who paused for a moment realize something:
itself is still under danger.
While the cat is indecisive on its actions and not confident of its plan,
the little rodent ran at top speed towards the nearest drain.
The friction between the rat's nails and the cement ground alerted the cat;
but then, it was all too late.

The cat looked in all directions.
Where is it? Where is it?
After moments of anxiousness in the middle of the road,
it then walks away slowly, depressed and hungry;
the chance of another meal wouldn't be so soon.

I was a little amused by this situation,
but yet I'm also kind of enlightened;
isn't every chance, opportunity or situation in life,
just like a rodent-catching game?

At times opportunities strikes;
we utilized our abilities and struggle to win a prize for ourselves.
After a long battle, we grew tired of the game;
yet at the same time, the defense of the opponent is critically weakened.
Just as we're about to give the final blow with our final might,
we wondered if this time round it would be a success-
the past failures and struggles seem to oppose the usage of the same tactics.
We hesitated on our actions, and was indecisive on our plans;
there, we gave the enemy walls and towers a chance to be fixed,
and then, opportunities scurried away unknowingly.

From there, we deemed that our skills have failed ourselves,
and we plunge towards defeat and bitterness.

Today, this happens to the friendly neighbourhood cat.
But I wonder, how many times this happened to me?
Coming upon a situation, a chance or opportunity;
I struggled hard to prove my worth,
yet at the crucial moment, I hesitate or doubt myself,
and in the end, walk towards failure.

Upon standing at the parade square today morning,
I saw you walking towards the foyer.
Then I wonder, upon the times that I interact with you,
was it the times whereby I hesitated to given an encouragement,
doubt that an apology would work, or were indecisive in patching things up,
that eventually lead to the disintegration of our friendship?

Perhaps sometimes failure doesn't lies in our skills;
it lies in ourselves.
We were not confident, indecisive and full of doubts;
we never trust our actions, or believe in our skills.
Perhaps, because I didn't believe that a concern or two will make things better,
hence I lost many friends.

So what about this?
Well, I just hope that in time to come,
dear readers would be confident of yourselves;
trust your actions, believe in your plans, and act without hesitation...

Don't stop believing.