Career Seminar

It's been a long, long day;
We had a long 'Career Seminar' in school lasting till 4.30pm,
and it was a bit of dry for most of the times.
Well, saying that it was a 'Career Seminar',
all the school did was to get successful ex-students back here,
like professors, directors, etc, to share about their success stories,
and how they attributed it to the school for first realizing their potential.

My mind was mostly blank throughout the whole seminar,
which comprises tertiary institutions giving a presentation about themselves,
and also some exhibitions by various tertiary institutions,
and not to forget about the talks by those ex-students.
However, despite my rejection towards the stuff from the seminar,
this seminar indeed send me into deep thoughts, again;
and so I wonder...

If one day there's a chance whereby I could be like one of them,
standing in front of my juniors, as an ex-student and a successful person in society,
well, at that point of time, who am I and what will I be doing?

I guess most people had their way ahead plan beforehand;
they knew where they should be standing in 10 to 20 years time,
and viewed the education today as little steps towards their big dreams.
Some though didn't looked as far as them;
but they have a clear idea where their next checkpoint would be.

For me, let me just live the current and do the current;
I'm not quite sure about where's my next checkpoint,
needless to mention about my desired destination.
To say that I'm unsure, unclear, unmotivated or under-prepared,
I would say, all four of them, actually.

But back to the question; so I ask myself if one day I'm going to be one of those ex-students up there,
giving a presentation, and showing how successful they are...
who would I be, what will I be doing?
First daydream thoughts is that I could visualize myself in the Legionnaire uniform,
sharing my stories as the first Singaporean to join the French Foreign Legion,
impressing the boys, holding them in awe... Something like that.

If not, then I'll be some kind of person having an unique profession,
which this profession seems mysterious to many people,
yet amazes everyone with whatever I do in my vocation.

Aha! So that's it; perhaps I've sort of answered a question I've yet to answered for 16 years.

What I really want is something out-of-the-box, something unconventional;
something different, yet unique at the same time.
Perhaps I don't feel content or happy doing whatever that everyone's doing,
or just living up to people's expectations.
I want to do something that I really want to do, something different,
something that suits my personality, something that just clicks with me.

So I thought about it, I need a dream that is different;
I need an aspiration that is unique in its own ways,
I need to do it, everything, in my own manner.

I don't want to do something that earns a lot, or will get me somewhere,
maybe I'll just be fine doing something that makes me myself.

So again I asked myself, 'What is that which I do will make me myself?'
Honestly, I have difficulties answering to this question.

I guess the problems lies deeply in my interest;
I don't know what I'm good at, I don't know what I really like;
I'm not so sure where my interest lies in.
For a good 16 years in life, most projects that came through my hands,
or having me appointed as leader,
will just end up either as a failure or as a sub-pass.

Here, I asked myself, so what can I do? What am I exactly good at?

It seems like none is the answer when I spammed myself with such questions;
but then in one moment I recalled one of the best part of memories:
the times leading my A-Team, teaching them, training them, guiding them.
Then I wonder, among my failed career as a NCC cadet,
is this something that I've done wrong again,
or least make a difference somewhere that makes it alright?

A doctor could cure many patients, yet it seems difficult to cure himself;
at times, I wonder how true it is in this case.
But in this instance I put this into relation with my future;
sometimes, I just couldn't motivate and guide myself to my next checkpoint,
but yet I could lead others to a higher level than where they are now.

Yes, this is the 'something different' that I always wanted to do.
Doing something not for myself, not for my family, but for the masses, for a cause.
Leading not myself, not my peers, but strangers.
That's what I really want to do;
like a candle, I ignite myself, only to bring light and warmth to others.

I want to inspire lives, as well as sustain to dimming lives, creating new lives.
I'm not a pro at driving myself;
but I know that there's a huge group of people out there that needs me to drive them more than driving myself.

So what, a platoon sergeant like what I used to be? No.
Then a teacher, or a lecturer to add value to students? No.
What about a speaker, whose words can touch the hearts of many? Maybe.

I thought of being a counsellor, pulling people back to where they should be;
yet at this time, one fierce yet inspiring job came into mind:
A Prison Warden.

After all, I just want to make a difference, for life, that's all.