Just can't say it

It's been some time since the last time I'm here-
life's been pretty normal and peaceful;
I don't really see a reason of blogging anything that serves no inspiration.

The weekends passed by quietly,
and then, the first two days of the week was spent in a camp.
Now there's some time left before start of the new school term;
I guess these days will be spent mugging away.

Obviously there will always be a reason for me to come here;
this blog serves as a portal or platform for me.
A portal of communication, a platform of showcase.
Thoughts that I felt that the masses should know, it'll be here.
Feelings that I couldn't find anywhere else to release, it'll be here.
Woes and tears that no one bothered, I guess this blog gives me a listening ear.

Heartfelt words that I shouldn't be saying, all said here.

For a long time there's some message I want to convey,
and certain words I feel like saying-
but then i just couldn't do it.
Or should I say, I'm not courageous enough to risk it-
risk blowing up the current situation to get to my aim.
Even though the current situation sucks,
but I guess it's better off this way;
better than deteriorating to something worse.

Sometimes I guess I have too much troubles;
and all of these comes from myself.
I think I'm problematic; in a sense that my life is full of problems.
Often I feel like pouring all out on someone else;
but well, others have problems of their own.
Who is that free to listen to what i have to say?

And life goes on like that, since day one.

I must say I'm getting used to it.
Living it off without the moral support, or the emotional comfort.
I mean, who cares man; my words were never words.
Like it or not, at this point of time I'm already used to it.
Maybe I'm just numb, or some sort of immune.
But then, the pain is forever.

I can understand how some people view me as some sort of outcast,
away from the world, whining away and no one cares.
I wonder what are the definitions for care, concern, and love.
I was never cared for, hence I don't care for others;
I was never a concern, hence I only concern myself;
No one taught me what was love, thus I live life without it.

I guess, it's just a process that I have to go through.

There's a lot that I want to say.
But I know, they'll never listen, she don't care.
So, I put them all in my heart.

Though I'm used to it, but I do want a change.
An escape from the current situation,
or some sort of breakthrough.
Life's too miserable if it's like this till judgement day.

Saying a ton of crap here,
I guess actually what I want to say is,
I do hope that you'll notice,
I do hope that you'll see,
I do hope that you'll care.
Maybe, your presence in life is something too significant;
maybe, by fulfilling all these, the flowers of life blossoms.

Because that is all I ever wished for in life;
to know that, at the end, at least you'll notice.