Life Driver

It's been a pretty average week;
not too much work, and then, pretty average.
It seems like things are going a little low after the CTs;
you receive lesser work, then the pace slower down by 1 or 2km/h.
It's not enough to catch a breather, but at least it's better than nothing.

Of course, having so much time off hand isn't really a great thing.
Without homework to keep me company,
I'm pushed into deep thoughts whenever I have some idle time on hand.
And then you'll start thinking of whatever you can think of under the sun...
Yeap, and those negative ones.
So, it's not pretty good after all.

I'm not looking forward to the March Holidays;
for sure there is a pile of holiday homework awaiting us.
I just hope that I could use these few days to regenerate,
and then get prepared to tackle another wave of work and stress.

So without all those usual buddies to bother you,
something else will start taking over them,
and get you vexed and frustrated over them.
Without work to keep me thinking,
you'll start thinking otherwise...

It just seems like every little thing I see can push me into deep thoughts.
People using smartphones, iPods, laptops;
and then friends sporting together, brunching together;
then later you see pairs of couples walking in and out of class.
You just can't stop thinking otherwise-
you know, I live my life without what many deemed as a necessity.

I wonder if its that I'm numb, or just tired-
these things that prick me like needles in the past,
seem to be a lot less painful than before.
Perhaps I'm used to the kind of life I'm leading.
But that doesn't stops me from thinking otherwise.

I always believe that everything takes place with a purpose.
Well, perhaps these mental tortures are here to hone me for the better.
But well, sometimes its just unbearable-
you couldn't stop yourself from asking,
"Why is my life so?"

I'm so used to walking at my own pace.
I never slow down, or speed up for others.
After walking alone for ages, you'll be so confident of yourself-
or rather, your footsteps; you know they're secure and steadfast.
Rather, it is others footsteps that will get you distracted,
and lost pace of your own steps.

Sometimes I look at how people console and care for each other-
how I wish I have that too, rather than a pat on the shoulder,
just to zip my mouth and stop my from whining away.
But now, I guess there's not a need anymore for such consoles-
I've learned to deal with life and everything alone.
Independence, adaptability, I don't know.
At least I can do everything on my own.

And so, as the time goes by,
I get deeper and deeper into my own world...
and then, further and further away from everyone.

In the past I used to wish that,
some people would just turn their heads and looked at me-
it's a sign telling me that my existence matter.

Now it doesn't matter anymore;
like Oliver, I'm happy with what I am now-
the contented thinker living a carefree and self-paced life.

And the sun rises, and it sets;
life goes on, without fail.