14 to 41.

mirai koukai. an one piece ending.
all along i've never got bored of this song over the years.
reason being? go google check out the lyrics yourself.

hmm, i sat down peacefully yesterday,
over a cup of tea in the middle of the night.
i began to wonder and think,
and track down my memory lane, looking at those past events,
assuming what might happen in the future.

somehow, 2 yrs of power struggle,
2 yrs of quarrels, 2 yrs of stereotypes,
made me a very different man.
i can still recall back to the first day i enter secondary school-
a childish looking freak, arrogant and useless;
to today, a bodybuilder of formidable strength,
a man of solemn.

i used to talked a lot when i was younger,
and now, i prefer silence to noise.
i used to quarrel over little things last time;
now i either leave the person in a pool of blood,
or i just walk away.

time passed, things changed.
i've always wonder why i seem so different with the kids beside me.
they're going gaga over celebrities, doing the usual teen stuff.
as they get older, they get more materialistic.
and yet today, i only sat down here in front of the com,
writing critics and commentaries,
and finding peace in my heart, rather than physical body.

i began to wonder whether i was thinking like 14 or 41.

sometimes, it was hard.
it was hard to act like a 14 yr old kid.
i have to force myself to laugh at the funniest jokes,
force myself to follow the lamest prank,
and force myself to do the hippest thing.
all you seen outside, as all a mask.
a mask of deception.

a friend of mine said i've change drastically.
i became solemn, matured; not the kind i used to be.
another of mine told me that i dun think like a 14 yr old.

perhaps the reason is that i've gone through too much.
who the **** in the world wants to go through power struggles,
social relationship, financial problems at this age?
hmm, it was all that made me a teenage looking adult.

i used to think that holding the pacestick was a nice sight.
i used to think that a lanyard was fashionable.
i used to think that good looking ppl and talented ppl are elites.

now, i prefer passing my experiences to my juniors.
i prefer a neat no.4 without any badges.
i was amazed at how zai leonard is.

while teens are thinking of celebs, homework, and friends;
im thinking of the society, the govt, and the environment.
weird enough, but that's my life.

i rmb once ck ng quote something from his friend to me,
'this guy will forever wun be a leader.'
and joel laughing at my 'stupidity' of the power struggle (ironic huh?),
brandon complaining me of holding too much power and being the one in charge (more ironic),
and many of my peers calling me 'childish'.
yes, call me childish again,
yes, quarrel with me for thing we've never seen and experience;
because i went through harsh and cold conditions,
i lost the rights to see them again.
i've grown up.

i wonder if everything is coming too quick at one time.
i could talk to divorced ppl telling them the reason they divorced.
i could hush an emo person within 3 minutes.
it seems lyk when a teenage is complaining about how bad things were,
i tried my Destiny to change things.

many things in my life now doesnt seem tempting and appealing to me.
whats the point of a USM post when u cant exercise full control?
whats the point of 'chasing' over celebs?
whats the point of many other things that teens goes after?

i think i've reach the destination earlier than many.
i think, im a very serious and disciplined person.
hell, thats what you get after going through shit.

i dunno if writing this post is something right.
but all i know is,
going by how im thinking all the time,
i shouldnt be 14.