Tuesday.

dusk ends, dawn arrives.
its another day.

life hadn't been any better as the days goes by.
it's still the way it is,
as dull as ever, and getting even more plain than before.
it's like drinking a cup of tea-
brew from the same leaves over and over again,
until that the scent and taste is no longer there;
but this drinking had became a habit of life.

getting pretty slack at home nowadays.
started the habit of cycling at least 10 km everyday;
just for a little bit of leisure.
and there isn't much for me to do daily;
not more than homework, computer, and sleeping.

a kind of feeling filled me.
hollow. yes, an empty feeling filled me.
ironically, something empty actually filled me up.
it's that kind of hollow-
that you can't unleash yourself,
you cannot seek your grievances,
and others actually don't understand how you think.

and all my life, it didn't get any better.
that kind of...you never get a chance to lead,
and all the times, your fate is decided by others.
much of a sour and bitter taste.
things didn't goes your way, fine;
and when the bastard screws things up,
your the one in trouble instead.

all these days throughout these 14 years,
never a day i felt i was the one in control.
all along, it was either a reform under the cloak of "Constitutional Monarchy",
or something that you've expected.
my presence was meant to bring fear and threat.
fear and threat to those who are ordinaries.

god didn't gave me much.
he didn't gave me good looks or talents.
but he gave me a perfect figure and willpower.
but what's the point when you cannot use them?

Destiny, something that god bestowed upon you.
like a car, it may be a Benz, or a Hyundai, or a Toyota.
what matters isn't the car brand r quality, but the driver of the car.
we, are the one that controls our own destiny.

sometimes, giving in might means peace.
at the great price of your honour.
many cut their bowels for the sake of honour.
"to be shattered jade than a full piece of brick."
looks like i have to be the shattered jade this time.

I prove your ideas wrong, like how the world prove Communism wrong.