save the world

i read some kinda response to my post yesterday.
well, just a bit of comment;
bitter not as before as how it used to be,
admit defeat, rolling in the hands of winners;
no pain for shame, no pain for losing.
it's a pain of regret,
it's a pain from reminder,
it's a pain from a joke that shouldn't be made;

it's the pain from drawing a knife at an old scar.

in fact reading that reply made me even hate certain people even more.
not you, not you;
violence wasn't to solve the problem.
all along i knew violence will only blow things up;
i just want you to understand that certain things shouldn't be said at all.
it's just the same as if i were to mock at you at your failure.
you have came through the taste of defeat;
but you are the 2nd in position.
i am NONE!

try to put yourself in my shoes.

okay, back to today.
today was another bad day.
uhh, people keep telling me everyday to me is a bad day-
true enough.
it's just not about mockery, stress, whatever shit you get...
it's just that you got sick and tired of the rat race.

a dozen things were on my mind today.
i did pay attention to classes;
but it just seems like i cannot really process them properly.
my mood, don't for what god damned reason,
was still affected by recent shits in life.
CCA, and then all the usual stuff.
i always thought troubles are troubles because i see it as trouble.

trouble are naturally trouble.

i couldn't deny that my anger is boiling off;
bit by bit.
for those who knew what happened yesterday;
my anger is still boiling.

tell me who the hell in life likes eternal condemnation?

sometimes i'm too angry with the world;
angry at how unfair the world is,
how biased people are.

and now the society ruined me.

i then read a Buddhist excerpt on newspaper;
on the matter of 'unfairness'.

now, i understand why things were such way.

i cried hard, i cried dry;
i cried for me, and those who were condemned.

taking a lonely walk in life,
suddenly i realised something.

the harder life is towards me,
the more i need to care for those who suffered things worst than me.

i knew i'm untalented, no abilities.
and perhaps like what she said, 'incompetent'.

but i believe my love can save the world.

the more scorn thrown on me,
the more i feel the need to save those suffering.

darker and darker;
i knew this is coming to an end.
i am coming out of this dark tunnel soon.

out there, Buddha have a mission waiting for me.