saturday

i kept on thinking if i would really make a good leader or not.
well, i;m still bother by the fact that,
if i make a wrong choice,
these 27 men will die along with me.
everyday i wake up to tell myself;
i have to go for the better for their sake;
for whatever i do will directly affect them.

with their firm foundation and the strict training module,
i believe that we can see change in no time.

another thing that bothers me is the other platoon.

well, they might not have really anything to do with me;
after all, i don't see these privates for most of the training except the parades.
now, one and a half month have passed;
but i'm seeing them screwing up and also losing their enthusiasm for the CCA.

after all, i recruited these boys back then.

i recruited them and took them for much of their earlier days.
half a year pass by,
and it's really sad to see that the passion is gone within weeks after the Takeover.

i'm even more upset with the recent shit happening on these Secondary One kids.

i dunno whether to cry or laugh.

back then, i would really criticise the leader when shit happens to his followers.
but now, i asked myself something,
whenever i see shit happening elsewhere.
"am i doing the same shit to my followers?"
"are my followers happy under me?"

often, we have to not just only learn from our own mistakes;
we have to also reflect upon ourselves through others mistakes.

to err is human, to forgive divine.
all of us do stupid things at times when we lose control of our emotions.
nut as a leader, we have to always keep that emotion in control.
now your decisions are not only affecting you.
they bring the same shit to whoever that is under your command.

learning from mistakes that other leaders have made,
and remembering these mistakes;
i have to tell myself at all times,
that i must reflect and compare myself to such mistakes,
whenever i think that i am going to do something wrong.

i always wonder why would my road of life is tougher than others;
until i came across incidents that makes me ponder deeply.

all these incidents,
no matter is it happening on me or other people,
will always bring me to reflect upon myself.
when it is something good,
i tell myself to promote it within my followers;
when it is something bad,
i tell myself to stop it from happening everywhere.

at many times leadership would be just about your decisions.
because the outcomes of the decision will determine whether you're a good or bad leader.