wednesday

after a good hectic four days,
i'm back here again.

i supposed the world didn't took too much a change when i stopped blogging days ago?
haha, well the few days had been kind of busy.
flooded with 'class tests' and some other assignments,
i barely find time for myself.
and in less than 40 days, the first EOY paper would commence.

things starts to get a serious view here.

sometimes when i looked at my results,
i always wonder if i would end up in ITE after my 'O' levels.
well, just because i scored too low and no institutions would accept me.
but after a simple physics test i had today,
my morale was boost to the max.

the whole week is full of test.
class test, they call it;
to follow the trend, i even have a fieldcraft test set for my 27 men.
what's the nice thing is there's no more other tests after this week.
what's worse is that EOYs are coming. soon.

i guess i really have to get my ass working on those revision.

well, this week's CE lesson was on Depression.
you know depression? that disease in which people gets depressed. very depressed.
and then, during lesson, Ms Lee explains to us all about depression,
and even gave us a handout on a depression incident with research.

and i always thought i have depression.
but i had bipolar.

i always believe that life is so much better when things are so much simpler.
when things takes a more complicated view,
the more depressed we get.
when things advanced and becomes more and more wide-ranged,
we get more depressed.

i can say that i understand how those people who suffered from depression and bipolar felt all the time.
after all, i came along such stages of life, and experienced them.
it's all about having yourself to you-
for most of the stuff you think,
you always percepts that only you really understand how you feel.
for most of the stuff you did,
only you yourself really understand why you did so.

well it is this case.

i always wonder if these stuff are happening on me too.
only having myself to me,
and have to work things out individually.
i guess most of the times it is.
ever since life took a change for the bad this year,
many routines changed.

at this point of time i must say that i changed a lot.
i avoided crowds and gatherings,
i grew to be more understanding and gentle,
i learn much more about leadership, etc.
all were the after effects of spending most of my time alone.

i wonder if my school life is really different from average people.
having to do things, spend time mostly alone;
i grew to lose my communication skills.
when people outcast me, i grew to lose the skills to understand them.

i guess i lost the skills of communication,
in my journey of seeking inner peace in myself.

so now, what? i have to start off a new journey.
out to understand people again.

out to learn again.