I Realised.

today's the start of april. so, it's april's fool day today.
and everything started in school with somehow,
a joking manner. made many stupid pranks on the teachers.
such annual events, helps to cultivate a bit of teamwork sometimes.

had many, many thoughts for today.
well firstly is about my subject bandings in school.
well, i heard that on next wednesday,
my HCL class will have to split band.
gonna miss Mr Cheow.
gonna miss all the classmates.
gonna miss all the jokes and laughter.
gonna miss all those things that happen which becomes part of life's routine.
gonna cry.

i was just thinking about how a sad event is separation.
suddenly feel yourself not doing something that has been a routine.
suddenly realised that the same voices no longer speaks in the same classroom.
suddenly you turn around and feel like sharing a lame joke,
but then, they are not those classmates that could stand your bullshit.
but no matter what, good things always have to come to an end.
be it or not that i'm gonna stick it with Mr Cheow,
take it as if that i had a good dream,
and woke up from it.

for that few little buggers that understand what the hell i'm trying to say,
yea, that's it people. ziying you're quite right ._.

and then, today i helped Mr Ng to settle some stuff for the Part A cadets.
well, the Part A affirmation ceremony is coming up.
perhaps gonna accompany them there.

this little kids reminds me of who i used to be in the past.
young and brazen, a little bit of foolish and youthful.
those were the days.
when i'm still an immature young kid,
who don't really understand how things are.
sweat and tears, they brought me to become someone,
so much more calm, more matured, more understanding.

and then, i read a bit of my past postings.
those in the past year,
when i'm still a bit young and immature.
i just realised how much for the better i have changed,
yet realised that i've lost something in this growing up process.

guess what i've lost people.

we have to pay a price for growing up; its inevitable.
we paid time and effort to become more knowledgeable,
we paid injuries and humiliation to get experience out of obstacles,
we paid sweat and tears to become more affectionate, more emotional.
we paid quarrels and bickers to understand people better,
we paid many hardships and events to prove the friendships of this world.

i would say that i've paid to grow up.
i've paid a price to understand things that i don't.
i've paid a price to learn things that i don't know.
but i paid at a high price.
for all these enlightenment and understanding,
i paid a price that got me a receipt,
that wrote 'regret' on it.

i was just wondering,
if i could make a decision that i could choose not to understand and be enlightened;
so that i wouldn't regret many things that earned me my growing up.
i rather choose not to grow up,
rather than understanding theories and morals,
being enlightened through various obstacles,
that will drift people further away from each other,
that will tell us how realistic and dark is this world.

no matter how much regret we have in the end,
life goes on.
togetherness and separation happens everyday.
it's just a price to pay, after all.