peak it.

suddenly, i felt that i've understand many things that i never used to understand.

i just 'woke up' from an 'illusion' that i've been having for three years;
something that used to kill me slowly, day by day.
suddenly i felt a sense of relief;
relieved that all is over. all this internal struggle within myself.
because i choose to do something that i shouldn't do,
and well, i did it. but it's never late to repent.

time are getting lesser and lesser these days.
i put it in this way is to say that the workload is getting much heavier.
with all the PFT and MYE coming our way,
well, 24 hrs will just feels like 4 hours soon.
a week could passed by like a day.
well, people i don't want that. do you?

and then, i just feels that i'm getting a bit slack these times.
maybe i'm just tired of life; but not sick of it.
getting restless after things cropped up in life,
getting restless after you lost track of many things.
i've lost much passion for many things.
well, things that bug me hard in the past,
they never do so now.
ll because i choose not to be bothered about them.

found out that i really liked english lessons.
with a good teacher like Mrs Lee,
and then a few friendly neighbours that can endure your crap.
i have this old classmate of mine who somehow or rather, can anticipate my thoughts;
another easy-going classmate that will have "aiay we're still young for that" shooting from his mouth all the time.
then a few classmates that i stick with certain times.
these periods passed by slowly, and never fails to refresh me from a tight schedule.

getting to like geography and chemistry lessons a lot.
the teachers are experienced teachers who have their way with students.
being parents on their own, they know how we feel.
learning has been packaged in a way that we learn things, and we enjoy learning.
it doesn't beat the chinese proverb of "the old ginger is always spicy".

sometimes, i'll just get very envious of things going around me.
why certain people are talented, blah blah blah;
he's the unit head of this UG, she's the VP of this PAG, he's the VP of this club;
what am i? nothing much, but a person who's cheque bounces.
once sworn to be the top of all, today i'm lost and gone.
but those around me rise to fame and power,
leaving me only in a more pathetic state when compared with them.
i would, really really, want a piece of sky of my own.
something that really belongs to be, be it a moment or forever,
which i could be proud and boast of,
and dedicate my efforts and loyalty to it.
but alas, i just don;t get the chance to do things.

sometimes, i really feel like a defeated one;
those that once stood low rise above me.

okay enough of this sad stuff,
well, a question ponders me always.
if i'm to fail now, what would i be in the near future?
failing, failing, and even more failing;
inferior, inferior, and even more inferior.
i always felt that the Tao is in a way that,
we'll be born for our very own destinies.
and i always believe that,
all these failures, would teach me not to fail in the near future;
in which, i will attain supremacy.

let these sadness be a scar to remind me of the shameful past,
let these failures be lessons to mount an overlord.

people only gain experience through obstacles.
when life gets tough, the tough gets life going.
i don't believe that this little ability of mine,
being able to decipher and analyse, is of no use.
for this is what that others sought after;
but i have it easily with no sweat.
"hey hey, i might fail in all these, but you read my words like Lenin, because i plucked those strings of thoughts of yours".

all man are born to do something great;
it's just a matter of whether we want it or not.
let me use this one and only ability of my....erm...
to be a psychologist? or a counsellor? or historian?