青菜就好

and it's another hard time.
hard time with the papers.
there's somewhat too much time for me during my comprehension paper,
that i went to sleep.
and then in the end i got a shock when the co-form tcher woke me up.
and then SS.
lagi best la, ask all the questions that i dunno.

today is friday.
and we have quite some stuff going on today except exams.
a couple of SSP, since we're missing quite some lessons due to the exams.
HCL and physics. now the HCL is the exciting part.
i never thought that Mr Cheow is a Naval Lieutenant in NS.
his fair skin just gives me the impression of a typical chao kheng in NS,
which he would just end up with the transports or clerks after BMT.
quite impressive. teacher + script writer + naval lieutenant.
but i'll be more impressive than that.

and we're going to have a half time next week.
one week of rest before the main papers.
to many, it should be the last week of hope and revision.
well, i'm going to go through the same old shit in that week.
isolation. no smile. bochup. what else?
i really hope that all these will not affect my will for study,
but sadly, it already does.

for now in life, i would like to brush away everything with this hokkien phrase,
"chin chye tio ho".
it just means literally that 'anything is good',
which we can define as having an easygoing and carefree life is the best.
also, 'chin chye' is the noun for green vegetables;
so the phrase also means having things ordinary is good,
since green vegetables are of such a common variety.

many times in life i use to value many things highly.
in the past, honour, fame, authority.
i valued such things that in the end,
it cost me what i seek after.
i lost the access to all these that i sought after.
and recently this year,
i valued friendship, harmony, so much so much.
i thought that entering 3E2 is a new start.
but then, not did i have gained nothing, no new start,
but i also lost the friends i have in the past.

maybe is because i valued things and people too much.
to a point that i cannot let any other people have a hold of it.
now, i lost everything.

for now whenever i faced troubles,
be it big or small, from whatever area it arises,
the attitude which i will face it with,
will be 'chin chye tio ho'.
maybe after all at the end of the day,
facing things with an ordinary, optimistic and easygoing attitude is the hardest to achieved.

once a writer told me that an ordinary attitude and lifestyle is the hardest to achieve;
not many things can be peaceful and harmonious.

for the past i would wake up in the morning with a gloomy face,
then go to school, trying to smile, hoping that others would smile at me.
but of course, hardly anyone did la,
and sometimes, even no one.

so i decided, from today onwards,
no matter what that happens;
no matter if i fail my exams,
no matter if i had no company in the class,
no matter whatsoever,
the only attitude would be,
'chin chye tio ho'.

able to face hard circumstances with a soft attitude,
is the hardest to attain.

i used to face hard circumstances with a harder attitude,
in which i defeated the obstacles,
and thinking i was right.

but i was wrong.

but at least for now,
i know i was wrong.
now, i am not wrong.